5 ms·

We had someone go completely mental at a manager on Slack the other day with the whole team on the same channel. Respect to the manager he simply kept say the e

We had someone go completely mental at a manager on Slack the other day with the whole team on the same channel. Respect to the manager he simply kept say the equivalent of “I understand where your coming from and it wasn’t my intention to upset you” even though the guy kept saying terrible things about the manager. I will aim to be that calm if aggressively accused in future, especially as you end up coming out of it looking better and feeling more relaxed that the alternative.

CydeWeys 7y ago
The second it starts going off the rails it needs to be switched over to a private conversation, ideally face-to-face but by videoconference otherwise if someone is remote. That's bad form on both people's part to have that kind of argument in a public forum.
- whywhywhywhy 7y ago
  > The second it starts going off the rails it needs to be switched over to a private conversation Can be just as bad, theres an exec where I work who has taken a disliking to me and I'd much rather when he goes off on one it takes place in Google docs comments where other people can see it and see what he's like than in a private Slack convo where only I see it.
  - CydeWeys 7y ago
    I was saying to de-escalate in private, not escalate in private. This exec you're dealing with sounds terrible, and depending on how often you have to deal with him, might be worth finding a new job over.
    - andy_ppp 7y ago
      Yup, I would just ask him outright how you can improve your working relationship. Being direct with people like that often might not work in the moment but saying things like “I don’t think we understand where each other are coming from” could get him thinking. It’s unlikely to work however so look to the job market while things are good.
- bduerst 7y ago
  Yep, but that can backfire as well if the angry person thinks you're trying to control them. Sometimes it's just best to let them vent, and if it gets nasty, document it and deal with the consequences later.
scruple 7y ago
"Never argue with a fool; onlookers may not be able to tell the difference." Of course, depending on the circumstances, "fool" can be harsh but the sentiment is there, regardless.
aphextim 7y ago
Sometimes when you know you are not wrong, and the other party is acting childish and emotional, sitting back and letting them go while remaining calm is the best strategy. There is a line between being calm, and being calm and egging the other party on. If you are calm and assert your points, without inflaming the other party, there is no reason to raise your voice or use other methods to make your point seem right. Facts are facts and usually speak for themselves. The manager could have also said along with the "I understand where you are coming from and it wasn't my intention to upset you. [Would you like to have a 1 on 1 or a private conversation about this?]"
gist 7y ago
> We had someone go completely mental at a manager on Slack the other day with the whole team on the same channel. This is what happens in a tight labor market where someone can do whatever they want w/o any consequences. In a normal labor situation and when the money stops there would be the typical way this would (and should) be handled. Maybe what people aren't recognizing is that acceptance of behavior like this not only encourages it with the same individual (who very well may be able to control themselves but is hiding behind a label) but also with others who see that it is acceptable to do so.
- draw_down 7y ago
  > This is what happens in a tight labor market where someone can do whatever they want w/o any consequences. Mmm, I dunno about you but I'll take it over the alternative.

CydeWeys 7y ago

The second it starts going off the rails it needs to be switched over to a private conversation, ideally face-to-face but by videoconference otherwise if someone is remote. That's bad form on both people's part to have that kind of argument in a public forum.

whywhywhywhy 7y ago
> The second it starts going off the rails it needs to be switched over to a private conversation Can be just as bad, theres an exec where I work who has taken a disliking to me and I'd much rather when he goes off on one it takes place in Google docs comments where other people can see it and see what he's like than in a private Slack convo where only I see it.
- CydeWeys 7y ago
  I was saying to de-escalate in private, not escalate in private. This exec you're dealing with sounds terrible, and depending on how often you have to deal with him, might be worth finding a new job over.
  - andy_ppp 7y ago
    Yup, I would just ask him outright how you can improve your working relationship. Being direct with people like that often might not work in the moment but saying things like “I don’t think we understand where each other are coming from” could get him thinking. It’s unlikely to work however so look to the job market while things are good.
bduerst 7y ago
Yep, but that can backfire as well if the angry person thinks you're trying to control them. Sometimes it's just best to let them vent, and if it gets nasty, document it and deal with the consequences later.

scruple 7y ago

"Never argue with a fool; onlookers may not be able to tell the difference." Of course, depending on the circumstances, "fool" can be harsh but the sentiment is there, regardless.

aphextim 7y ago

Sometimes when you know you are not wrong, and the other party is acting childish and emotional, sitting back and letting them go while remaining calm is the best strategy. There is a line between being calm, and being calm and egging the other party on. If you are calm and assert your points, without inflaming the other party, there is no reason to raise your voice or use other methods to make your point seem right. Facts are facts and usually speak for themselves. The manager could have also said along with the "I understand where you are coming from and it wasn't my intention to upset you. [Would you like to have a 1 on 1 or a private conversation about this?]"

gist 7y ago

> We had someone go completely mental at a manager on Slack the other day with the whole team on the same channel. This is what happens in a tight labor market where someone can do whatever they want w/o any consequences. In a normal labor situation and when the money stops there would be the typical way this would (and should) be handled. Maybe what people aren't recognizing is that acceptance of behavior like this not only encourages it with the same individual (who very well may be able to control themselves but is hiding behind a label) but also with others who see that it is acceptable to do so.

draw_down 7y ago
> This is what happens in a tight labor market where someone can do whatever they want w/o any consequences. Mmm, I dunno about you but I'll take it over the alternative.