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I am a parent of two boys—ages 7 and 4–and I hardly recognize the negative forces that this author laments over because my wife and I have simply chosen not to

I am a parent of two boys—ages 7 and 4–and I hardly recognize the negative forces that this author laments over because my wife and I have simply chosen not to raise our kids that way. When my boys get home, we get outside and do sports. We’re in the middle of (tackle) football season right now and that’s what my 7 year-old does five days a week for two hours every evening. It’s exercise, fun, camaraderie, and lessons for life, all rolled together. My four year-old spends the practices on the sidelines, digging in the dirt with other little brothers and sisters and chasing the bigger kids around the track when they run laps. When football season is over, we move on to other team sports. When those are over, we ride our bikes around the neighborhood and play pick-up football games in the front yard. What we don’t do: iPads, TVs, or smart phones. It’s not that came into parenthood with some anti-technology mindset. Rather, we let our kids have these devices and we saw immediately the negative effects on their behavior, attitude, and motivation, and so we took them away. They get to use them on the rarest of circumstances: during airplane rides or as a brief reward for a week of good behavior. Adam Carolla once said that the problem with kids isn’t all of the things that we’ve added to childhood, it’s all the things we’ve taken away. Sports, free time, boredom, tree forts, and neighborhood exploration have all been curtailed. For much of this, we have over-involved, over-concerned mothers to thank (and a bunch of dads that think like moms). It doesn’t have to be this way. Nobody is forcing us to raise our kids in the post-millennium style. You can raise tough, resourceful, happy, outdoors-loving kids if you want to. If you are a parent of little ones, have a look at this article: https://www.nytimes.com/2016/10/23/magazine/the-anti-helicopter-parents-plea-let-kids-play.html https://www.nytimes.com/2016/10/23/magazine/the-anti-helicop...

diminoten 7y ago
Great, and now your kid isn't going to be as well versed as their peers in the technology that drives literally everything. They'll be left behind as the kids who were allowed to grow/learn using modern tools fly past them. You can't win. Everyone damages their children, stop pretending like you're some kind of exception. Additionally, this nostalgic "My childhood was great these kids don't get what I had" is bullshit. The options available to children today to grow, explore, learn and interact with others has exploded. We did "ruin" your childhood, and made it immensely better. Trying to give your child the childhood you had is abuse via neglect, at this point.
- pjkundert 7y ago
  I'd take an outdoorsy farmer kid who can weld and blow shit up, over a "well educated" city kid who stares at their iPad, any day. I can work with that. I can't work with useless...
  - diminoten 7y ago
    That's an incredibly selfish way to parent, and I hope your kids are sneaking in some useful skills under your nose while you're not looking.
- chrissnell 7y ago
  I’m not sure why you’re being down voted because you are breaking any rules as far as I can tell, but I must say: after reading your comment, I feel very sorry for you. We only get one chance at life and I want my kids to spend it being happy and fulfilled, doing things they love. I see no reason to prepare them for being Silicon Valley wage slaves at ages 4 and 7. Even if they did want that for themselves, they don’t need to worry about it for a long time. I didn’t own a computer until my junior year of high school and here I am, a principal engineer for a big SFBA tech firm.
  - diminoten 7y ago
    You seem to believe there is only one way of happily living, and thank goodness it's the way you were raised! How entirely fortunate for you and now your children, and fie on those who might believe there is some way to incorporate the last 30+ years of technology into raising happy children. I genuinely feel bad for your kids, because they're not going to get the kind of upbringing they could have had where a healthy relationship with the actual world is fostered and encouraged. Instead they're stuck living in this pretend universe where computers are evil and responsible management of their time and attention is taken care of for them.
    - dang 7y ago
      You're crossing into personal attack. That's not cool. Please stop. https://news.ycombinator.com/newsguidelines.html https://news.ycombinator.com/newsguidelines.html
kart23 7y ago
Good on you. Technology has a time and place, but it should never replace human interaction. On the topic of iPads, I went to a combined middle/high school, and one year, they moved to require the whole middle school to have an ipad, making the argument that they were being 'technologically advanced' and adapting to the 21st century 'digital society'. It had exactly the effect you might think. You cant type on ipads, so the school still needed to have laptops for kids to use. And at lunch or after school, all you would see is kids playing games or watching youtube on their devices. The school administrators knew what was happening, but didnt want to do anything and admit they were wrong. iPads are a truly net negative for young kids, and I hope that more people will realize this.
- rimliu 7y ago
  > Technology has a time and place, but it should never > replace human interaction. Neither should football.
davinic 7y ago
This article is about letting your children play freely without your involvement, not about the issue of screens or whether it happens outdoors. The things you are doing are specifically brought up in the article: "The areas where children once congregated for unstructured, unsupervised play are now often off limits. And so those who can afford it drive their children from one structured activity to another." edit: formatting
diddid 7y ago
We are the same way almost minus the 10 hours a week of football, that sounds horrible to me. Even if my kids wanted to do that I don’t think I’d let them, but I guess it is summer. My parents kept me out of organized team sports until middle school and I have never felt I missed out, athletically or socially. I am all for pickup games though. For screen time I found that YouTube gave my kids the worst attitude, so even when we go on vacation all they get is Netflix.
wizzard 7y ago
> For much of this, we have over-involved, over-concerned mothers to thank (and a bunch of dads that think like moms). What a hateful, sexist notion to put in the middle of an otherwise articulate comment.
- chimpburger 7y ago
  "Hateful" is such a corny overused word these days. Childish exaggeration.
  - wizzard 7y ago
    It's not an exaggeration. Try reading through the article this person recommended for another interesting perspective on mothers and girls.
  - idoubtit 7y ago
    Granted, "scornful and stupid" is a better description than "hateful". But "Childish exaggeration" is also an exaggeration. Next time you hear "I hate losers" (or "I hate XXX"), will you ridicule them for their overstatement, because they meant "I despise XXX"?
- dvfjsdhgfv 7y ago
  I wouldn't generalize it like the parent, but it's dfinitely true for ma and many of my friends. Our mothers were very involved and concerned, our fathers - less so. They wouldn't worry that much that something bad would happen. The attitude towards risk is a known differentiator between the two sexes, so there is some truth in that otherwise a bit politically incorrect and impolite statement.
  - watwut 7y ago
    People who are not actively involved with small children, often overestimate or underestimate what kids can do. In case of uninvolved fathers, it is likely the case of them rarely be there so rarely have experience with how easily and what exactly kids can mess up. Unlike involved parent who has that experience. Or what kids actually are able to. That experience effect is likely much larger then whatever general risk-taking attitude by gender is.
dragonsky 7y ago
Sounds like you your kids organised pretty well. Just wondering if you have time for them to be bored and having to dibs their own entertainment?

diminoten 7y ago

Great, and now your kid isn't going to be as well versed as their peers in the technology that drives literally everything. They'll be left behind as the kids who were allowed to grow/learn using modern tools fly past them. You can't win. Everyone damages their children, stop pretending like you're some kind of exception. Additionally, this nostalgic "My childhood was great these kids don't get what I had" is bullshit. The options available to children today to grow, explore, learn and interact with others has exploded. We did "ruin" your childhood, and made it immensely better. Trying to give your child the childhood you had is abuse via neglect, at this point.

pjkundert 7y ago
I'd take an outdoorsy farmer kid who can weld and blow shit up, over a "well educated" city kid who stares at their iPad, any day. I can work with that. I can't work with useless...
- diminoten 7y ago
  That's an incredibly selfish way to parent, and I hope your kids are sneaking in some useful skills under your nose while you're not looking.
chrissnell 7y ago
I’m not sure why you’re being down voted because you are breaking any rules as far as I can tell, but I must say: after reading your comment, I feel very sorry for you. We only get one chance at life and I want my kids to spend it being happy and fulfilled, doing things they love. I see no reason to prepare them for being Silicon Valley wage slaves at ages 4 and 7. Even if they did want that for themselves, they don’t need to worry about it for a long time. I didn’t own a computer until my junior year of high school and here I am, a principal engineer for a big SFBA tech firm.
- diminoten 7y ago
  You seem to believe there is only one way of happily living, and thank goodness it's the way you were raised! How entirely fortunate for you and now your children, and fie on those who might believe there is some way to incorporate the last 30+ years of technology into raising happy children. I genuinely feel bad for your kids, because they're not going to get the kind of upbringing they could have had where a healthy relationship with the actual world is fostered and encouraged. Instead they're stuck living in this pretend universe where computers are evil and responsible management of their time and attention is taken care of for them.
  - dang 7y ago
    You're crossing into personal attack. That's not cool. Please stop. https://news.ycombinator.com/newsguidelines.html https://news.ycombinator.com/newsguidelines.html

kart23 7y ago

Good on you. Technology has a time and place, but it should never replace human interaction. On the topic of iPads, I went to a combined middle/high school, and one year, they moved to require the whole middle school to have an ipad, making the argument that they were being 'technologically advanced' and adapting to the 21st century 'digital society'. It had exactly the effect you might think. You cant type on ipads, so the school still needed to have laptops for kids to use. And at lunch or after school, all you would see is kids playing games or watching youtube on their devices. The school administrators knew what was happening, but didnt want to do anything and admit they were wrong. iPads are a truly net negative for young kids, and I hope that more people will realize this.

rimliu 7y ago
> Technology has a time and place, but it should never > replace human interaction. Neither should football.

davinic 7y ago

This article is about letting your children play freely without your involvement, not about the issue of screens or whether it happens outdoors. The things you are doing are specifically brought up in the article: "The areas where children once congregated for unstructured, unsupervised play are now often off limits. And so those who can afford it drive their children from one structured activity to another." edit: formatting

diddid 7y ago

We are the same way almost minus the 10 hours a week of football, that sounds horrible to me. Even if my kids wanted to do that I don’t think I’d let them, but I guess it is summer. My parents kept me out of organized team sports until middle school and I have never felt I missed out, athletically or socially. I am all for pickup games though. For screen time I found that YouTube gave my kids the worst attitude, so even when we go on vacation all they get is Netflix.

wizzard 7y ago

> For much of this, we have over-involved, over-concerned mothers to thank (and a bunch of dads that think like moms). What a hateful, sexist notion to put in the middle of an otherwise articulate comment.

chimpburger 7y ago
"Hateful" is such a corny overused word these days. Childish exaggeration.
- wizzard 7y ago
  It's not an exaggeration. Try reading through the article this person recommended for another interesting perspective on mothers and girls.
- idoubtit 7y ago
  Granted, "scornful and stupid" is a better description than "hateful". But "Childish exaggeration" is also an exaggeration. Next time you hear "I hate losers" (or "I hate XXX"), will you ridicule them for their overstatement, because they meant "I despise XXX"?
dvfjsdhgfv 7y ago
I wouldn't generalize it like the parent, but it's dfinitely true for ma and many of my friends. Our mothers were very involved and concerned, our fathers - less so. They wouldn't worry that much that something bad would happen. The attitude towards risk is a known differentiator between the two sexes, so there is some truth in that otherwise a bit politically incorrect and impolite statement.
- watwut 7y ago
  People who are not actively involved with small children, often overestimate or underestimate what kids can do. In case of uninvolved fathers, it is likely the case of them rarely be there so rarely have experience with how easily and what exactly kids can mess up. Unlike involved parent who has that experience. Or what kids actually are able to. That experience effect is likely much larger then whatever general risk-taking attitude by gender is.

dragonsky 7y ago

Sounds like you your kids organised pretty well. Just wondering if you have time for them to be bored and having to dibs their own entertainment?