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I'm diagnosed borderline personality disorder and at least for people suffering from BPD what they need is less of themselves. If you take a gander at the subre

I'm diagnosed borderline personality disorder and at least for people suffering from BPD what they need is less of themselves. If you take a gander at the subreddit for BPD-identifying people, it's a disaster, precisely because those who struggle with BPD are so poorly equipped to help anyone else let alone themselves. The best thing I did for myself was to surround myself with the people who both displayed the traits of mental health I desired in myself and were understanding enough to forgive me when I "looped out". I've savagely fought this thing long enough to no longer be at great risk of these displays of raw emotion and decoupled thought patterns. I'd argue communities like these cause stasis, or worse, slipping backward. If you struggled with issues of identity and there were others around you struggling with such issues, would you be any more likely to feel the selective pressures to craft a stable one? No, of course not. Can I drop a little of the Buddha here? Please forgive the liberal concision I've applied to the original quote, it more or less grasps the gist: "what one thinks upon, dwells upon, one becomes." When the suffering are caught up in themselves, surrounded by their reflections, they're going to be further bent toward it. Last bit of the Buddha, promise: "And what is meant by admirable friendship? There is the case where a lay person, in whatever town or village he may dwell, spends time with householders or householders' sons, young or old, who are advanced in virtue. He talks with them, engages them in discussions. He emulates consummate conviction in those who are consummate in conviction, consummate virtue in those who are consummate in virtue, consummate generosity in those who are consummate in generosity, and consummate discernment in those who are consummate in discernment. This is called admirable friendship."

Gik 7y ago
Yes, absolutely, emptysongglass, a person just wants to be happy and be surrounded by happiness and serenity, by good natured friends and forget about bad things for at least some time. But the people you would like to be with can be not only “normal” but anybody else and those who would have the same mental issues could understand you better than anyone else. It's not necessarily to talk only about pain and issues. Just to find new friends, share something interesting in life and such things. The aim of this community is just find comfort, make new friends and in the future get some help too. Thanks for your great comment, emptysongglass!
MononokeMoon 7y ago
I was diagnosed with BPD just 9 months ago, previously mis-diagnosed as bi-polar. In my case, I lost the few good people that were around me before I was diagnosed. Since being diagnosed and starting therapy, things have become much clearer to me. For one I've realized how much of an asshole I must've come across to my previous friends and family. Rather than noticing the good people around me who probably would of been understanding, my attention was always drawn to people who treated me like shit and who I knew were bad for me. Then I'd suffer for it. If I had been diagnosed with my BPD much earlier and checked myself, the few friends who walked out of my life may still be here. I now find it very hard to get to know people who I'd like to surround myself with as I live with constant guilt. It's easier for some than others. So yeah, for people like me who the community is a good idea. I need to meet new people and learn from other people's experiences.
- emptysongglass 7y ago
  I may not agree with cultivating a community of the sick but what was important for me was to see that becoming healthy is possible. These realizations you’re having are healthy and you will find a way to find a refuge in yourself no one can take away from you. An adjunct to therapy I found particularly helpful was to take up compassion meditation (”metta”). You may consider asking your therapist if she agrees. Much kindness to you.
  - MononokeMoon 7y ago
    I see what you mean. I have looked at forums for people with BPD and it made me really nervous reading the horror stories- how 'there's no hope for someone with BPD' and how we're 'incapable of empathy'. My therapist said BPD cannot be cured but can be controlled. I'd love to see a community where only success stories are shared to give people hope. Thank you for suggesting metta meditation, I will definitely look into that. I guess the realizations are healthy, I just wish I'd realized certain things sooner. I carry guilt for hurting some people in my life without me even realizing in the moment. I was self-absorbed in my own mind. If only time machines existed and I could do things differently!

Gik 7y ago

Yes, absolutely, emptysongglass, a person just wants to be happy and be surrounded by happiness and serenity, by good natured friends and forget about bad things for at least some time. But the people you would like to be with can be not only “normal” but anybody else and those who would have the same mental issues could understand you better than anyone else. It's not necessarily to talk only about pain and issues. Just to find new friends, share something interesting in life and such things. The aim of this community is just find comfort, make new friends and in the future get some help too. Thanks for your great comment, emptysongglass!

MononokeMoon 7y ago

I was diagnosed with BPD just 9 months ago, previously mis-diagnosed as bi-polar. In my case, I lost the few good people that were around me before I was diagnosed. Since being diagnosed and starting therapy, things have become much clearer to me. For one I've realized how much of an asshole I must've come across to my previous friends and family. Rather than noticing the good people around me who probably would of been understanding, my attention was always drawn to people who treated me like shit and who I knew were bad for me. Then I'd suffer for it. If I had been diagnosed with my BPD much earlier and checked myself, the few friends who walked out of my life may still be here. I now find it very hard to get to know people who I'd like to surround myself with as I live with constant guilt. It's easier for some than others. So yeah, for people like me who the community is a good idea. I need to meet new people and learn from other people's experiences.

emptysongglass 7y ago
I may not agree with cultivating a community of the sick but what was important for me was to see that becoming healthy is possible. These realizations you’re having are healthy and you will find a way to find a refuge in yourself no one can take away from you. An adjunct to therapy I found particularly helpful was to take up compassion meditation (”metta”). You may consider asking your therapist if she agrees. Much kindness to you.
- MononokeMoon 7y ago
  I see what you mean. I have looked at forums for people with BPD and it made me really nervous reading the horror stories- how 'there's no hope for someone with BPD' and how we're 'incapable of empathy'. My therapist said BPD cannot be cured but can be controlled. I'd love to see a community where only success stories are shared to give people hope. Thank you for suggesting metta meditation, I will definitely look into that. I guess the realizations are healthy, I just wish I'd realized certain things sooner. I carry guilt for hurting some people in my life without me even realizing in the moment. I was self-absorbed in my own mind. If only time machines existed and I could do things differently!