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This is a great article. For years I didn't know how to handle anxiety so I handled it "like a man" which lead to a pretty decent drinking habit. Now that I've

This is a great article. For years I didn't know how to handle anxiety so I handled it "like a man" which lead to a pretty decent drinking habit. Now that I've stopped drinking and being open about what's going on with me, my anxiety looks like traditional anxiety which was easy for my gp to help diagnose. Taking the leap to be open and get help was the best thing to happen to me in years.

dleslie 7y ago
If I may be so bold as to inquire, what was your path to stop drinking? Do you find you replaced it with another coping mechanism?
- ZitchDog 7y ago
  Not OP, but I had a similar experience. Getting to the root of things with CBT caused me to completely change my relationship with alcohol. At this point, heavy drinking has become a clear path to increasing my anxiety, and it’s easy to abstain.
  - szemet 7y ago
    Not OP, and kind of cliché (with the common corollaly to seek professional advice instead of internet wisdom), but: excercise - and for me it was more anxiety+smoking but less anxiety led to less drinking too(which I did not recognize as a problem at the time) I consciously used it as a replacement: when I was stressed and need of a cigarette, I told myself that I actually feel the miss of a good run - and for me running really helped somewhat, so it was enough to start a positive feedback loop. It is also good that both drinking and smoking makes excercising harder, which I tried to (and many times could) use as a fact against them ("if i now drink i wont be able to wake up early enough to go for a run", "if i smoke it will much harder to breath") And another internet wisdom cliché ;) regarding anxiety: stop drinking coffee (tea...)...
  - alien14 7y ago
    How did you practice CBT? Yourself? With a therapist? A workbook?
- throwaway93749 7y ago
  In my case, getting hired by one of the Big Four tech companies. Always was a high performer, but didn't feel satisfied at other companies. I felt I was worth much more than what I was getting paid. I needed the validation and at least the perception of being with the best. I kept pushing my application since it felt daunting and I had failed Google once. I also made up excuses why a big tech company isn't worth it anyway, and that I shouldn't have to go through whiteboarding. But I'm much, much happier now. Glad I gave it a shot.
  - lawnchair_larry 7y ago
    What are the big 4 tech companies? I’ve heard that in accounting, but I don’t know which 4 they would be in tech.
    - davidjnelson 7y ago
      (F)acebook, (A)mazon, (N)etflix, (G)oogle.
      - purple_ducks 7y ago
        A is not Amazon, it's Apple. Amazon does not have the same technical hurdle as the others.
        eckza 7y ago
        > AWS
        close04 7y ago
        There are 2 As in FAANG.
      - mkl 7y ago
        Microsoft and Apple each have over twenty times more employees than Netflix. I've never understood why Netflix is included, in FAANG, etc.
anonytrary 7y ago
> get help was the best thing to happen to me What kind of help worked for you? Did you end up taking medication?
wpietri 7y ago
For this audience, I would add that anxiety is in some sense often a career positive. During the years I spent as a sysadmin, the continuous feeling that something was about to gowrong and I really needed to prepare for it was useful to my employers. Even if it was bad for me, my relationships, and my physical health.
- cissou 7y ago
  The worst thing about this is that realizing it isn't necessarily the first step to improving your condition. On the contrary, it can lead to cultivating your own anxiety, because it gives you opportunities you wouldn't get with a more healthy work life...
- trabant00 7y ago
  Same job, same problem. The solution was to understand that I am not really helping anyone. I'm just hiding problems and helping incompetents make money and stay in the market when they deserve to fail. So my new approach: fix it and make it public once, let it fail afterwards if nobody cares.
- raducu 7y ago
  I often times think my anxiety is what my employers value the most in me and it drives me mad :)
- bradleyjg 7y ago
  See also insecure overachiever: https://hbr.org/2018/02/if-youre-so-successful-why-are-you-still-working-70-hours-a-week https://hbr.org/2018/02/if-youre-so-successful-why-are-you-s...
- faitswulff 7y ago
  Good ol' capitalism, extracting value from your mental health disorders.
paul7986 7y ago
I suffered with it from like 19 (came out of nowhere) til my late 20s when I started talking about it openly with friends, family, other people in general and realized wait im not alone were all nuts yet normal. Wish I talked about way earlier and came to that realization.
deleted 7y ago
[deleted]
hi41 7y ago
I read the article and noticed something I have been doing recently. I have been drinking heavily. I say I work from home and then I drink. I have been drinking in the night when my wife goes to bed. I have had two anxiety attacks before. I was on medication for several months. I know meditation helps but don’t have time to practice it with all the commute and long work days. I don’t know what to do.
- ethanbond 7y ago
  I don't often post here these days but this really stuck out to me and I'm kind of surprised it hasn't yielded any responses. Based on this description, you need to get some help my friend. Depending on your relationship, a reasonable first step may be to talk to your wife about this. If you don't know what to tell her exactly, point her to this comment. There are professionals and there's no shame in utilizing them to become the best version of yourself. Good luck :)
  - hi41 7y ago
    Thank you much for your thoughtful suggestion. I have to get a lot of things in order.
    - alien14 7y ago
      I also wanted to comment here. Cheering you on. Working with a professional has been the biggest relief for me. It's absolutely worth the money if you can afford it (and you can always ask if therapists could offer "sliding scale" meaning they charge less for folks that can't afford the full price). I went on Psychology Today's website and used their listing of therapists. It was scary emailing the first one but I did it and I showed up to the appointment. Now years later I am no longer drinking and have all sorts of tools for my anxiety. You can do this.
MononokeMoon 7y ago
Yup. You can't heal if you don't communicate what's going on in your mind.

dleslie 7y ago

If I may be so bold as to inquire, what was your path to stop drinking? Do you find you replaced it with another coping mechanism?

ZitchDog 7y ago
Not OP, but I had a similar experience. Getting to the root of things with CBT caused me to completely change my relationship with alcohol. At this point, heavy drinking has become a clear path to increasing my anxiety, and it’s easy to abstain.
- szemet 7y ago
  Not OP, and kind of cliché (with the common corollaly to seek professional advice instead of internet wisdom), but: excercise - and for me it was more anxiety+smoking but less anxiety led to less drinking too(which I did not recognize as a problem at the time) I consciously used it as a replacement: when I was stressed and need of a cigarette, I told myself that I actually feel the miss of a good run - and for me running really helped somewhat, so it was enough to start a positive feedback loop. It is also good that both drinking and smoking makes excercising harder, which I tried to (and many times could) use as a fact against them ("if i now drink i wont be able to wake up early enough to go for a run", "if i smoke it will much harder to breath") And another internet wisdom cliché ;) regarding anxiety: stop drinking coffee (tea...)...
- alien14 7y ago
  How did you practice CBT? Yourself? With a therapist? A workbook?
throwaway93749 7y ago
In my case, getting hired by one of the Big Four tech companies. Always was a high performer, but didn't feel satisfied at other companies. I felt I was worth much more than what I was getting paid. I needed the validation and at least the perception of being with the best. I kept pushing my application since it felt daunting and I had failed Google once. I also made up excuses why a big tech company isn't worth it anyway, and that I shouldn't have to go through whiteboarding. But I'm much, much happier now. Glad I gave it a shot.
- lawnchair_larry 7y ago
  What are the big 4 tech companies? I’ve heard that in accounting, but I don’t know which 4 they would be in tech.
  - davidjnelson 7y ago
    (F)acebook, (A)mazon, (N)etflix, (G)oogle.
    - purple_ducks 7y ago
      A is not Amazon, it's Apple. Amazon does not have the same technical hurdle as the others.
      - eckza 7y ago
        > AWS
      - close04 7y ago
        There are 2 As in FAANG.
    - mkl 7y ago
      Microsoft and Apple each have over twenty times more employees than Netflix. I've never understood why Netflix is included, in FAANG, etc.

anonytrary 7y ago

> get help was the best thing to happen to me What kind of help worked for you? Did you end up taking medication?

wpietri 7y ago

For this audience, I would add that anxiety is in some sense often a career positive. During the years I spent as a sysadmin, the continuous feeling that something was about to gowrong and I really needed to prepare for it was useful to my employers. Even if it was bad for me, my relationships, and my physical health.

cissou 7y ago
The worst thing about this is that realizing it isn't necessarily the first step to improving your condition. On the contrary, it can lead to cultivating your own anxiety, because it gives you opportunities you wouldn't get with a more healthy work life...
trabant00 7y ago
Same job, same problem. The solution was to understand that I am not really helping anyone. I'm just hiding problems and helping incompetents make money and stay in the market when they deserve to fail. So my new approach: fix it and make it public once, let it fail afterwards if nobody cares.
raducu 7y ago
I often times think my anxiety is what my employers value the most in me and it drives me mad :)
bradleyjg 7y ago
See also insecure overachiever: https://hbr.org/2018/02/if-youre-so-successful-why-are-you-still-working-70-hours-a-week https://hbr.org/2018/02/if-youre-so-successful-why-are-you-s...
faitswulff 7y ago
Good ol' capitalism, extracting value from your mental health disorders.

paul7986 7y ago

I suffered with it from like 19 (came out of nowhere) til my late 20s when I started talking about it openly with friends, family, other people in general and realized wait im not alone were all nuts yet normal. Wish I talked about way earlier and came to that realization.

deleted 7y ago

[deleted]

hi41 7y ago

I read the article and noticed something I have been doing recently. I have been drinking heavily. I say I work from home and then I drink. I have been drinking in the night when my wife goes to bed. I have had two anxiety attacks before. I was on medication for several months. I know meditation helps but don’t have time to practice it with all the commute and long work days. I don’t know what to do.

ethanbond 7y ago
I don't often post here these days but this really stuck out to me and I'm kind of surprised it hasn't yielded any responses. Based on this description, you need to get some help my friend. Depending on your relationship, a reasonable first step may be to talk to your wife about this. If you don't know what to tell her exactly, point her to this comment. There are professionals and there's no shame in utilizing them to become the best version of yourself. Good luck :)
- hi41 7y ago
  Thank you much for your thoughtful suggestion. I have to get a lot of things in order.
  - alien14 7y ago
    I also wanted to comment here. Cheering you on. Working with a professional has been the biggest relief for me. It's absolutely worth the money if you can afford it (and you can always ask if therapists could offer "sliding scale" meaning they charge less for folks that can't afford the full price). I went on Psychology Today's website and used their listing of therapists. It was scary emailing the first one but I did it and I showed up to the appointment. Now years later I am no longer drinking and have all sorts of tools for my anxiety. You can do this.

MononokeMoon 7y ago

Yup. You can't heal if you don't communicate what's going on in your mind.