"Don't be nervous and insecure" is exactly the message that tells men they aren't allowed to be anxious. What is insecurity except fear that your self will be

"Don't be nervous and insecure" is exactly the message that tells men they aren't allowed to be anxious. What is insecurity except fear that your self will be judged and rejected? To "just be yourself" without being "nervous and insecure" means projecting confidence and hiding any anxiety that your self will be judged and rejected. I.e., if you have any anxiety, hide it, deal with it internally, because showing it isn't acceptable behavior for a man. Edit/P.S.: Now, I don't think you're 100% wrong; I think you just accidentally highlighted how difficult this is. There are different ways of expressing anxiety, and they aren't all equally off-putting. There can also be nuance in what kinds of feelings are appropriate to show to strangers versus friends and intimate partners. But it's a plain fact that many people judge men for hiding anxiety without honestly examining their own responses to it. Many people do exactly what you do, stigmatizing the appearance of anxiety on one hand while judging people for hiding it on the other.