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Related anecdote: I've always found that I'm able to make clearer judgments about situations, when someone else is going through them. It's much harder when I'm

Related anecdote: I've always found that I'm able to make clearer judgments about situations, when someone else is going through them. It's much harder when I'm the subject of the story. I guess the difference is that your mental context is so much more developed when you're thinking about yourself (not in the 3rd person). You have skin in the game, maybe it's that you're worried about the outcome of the situation, or it's just stressing you out, or you're thinking about how it will affect your friends/family/the rest of your life. So when you view it from an outsider's perspective, and throw away all that mental "noise", you have a clearer head and can make better decisions with the long-term in mind. Alternatively, if you're going through something, you could try imagining someone else in the same situation (make up someone if you have to) -- What advice would you give to them? Then use that advice for yourself.

will_pseudonym 7y ago
Definitely agree. A couple of mental models I sometimes adopt to look at my situation more objectively: * Thinking about what I would do as a parent if my child was in the same situation as I am * View myself as a video game character (in the 3rd person, looking from above), and thinking about what I would do if I was controlling this character in a game with the same rules as life
- redsummer 7y ago
  That’s asking God what to do.
- lifeisstillgood 7y ago
  Those are fantastic little self-hacks - thank you for sharing. Currently looking down on myself and my advice to my games avatar is stop using HN and go to bed.
- reachtarunhere 7y ago
  I do a slightly different version of it. Where I imagine how someone I deeply admire would advise me in this situation. This kind of detachment allows me to say hard stuff to myself.
- brokenmachine 7y ago
  I'm pretty reckless in video games... Still, both are good ways to reframe things though.
bladegash 7y ago
This is actually a great example of transference and is a fantastic tool for understanding yourself in a deeper way. In many ways, the advice you are giving is a means of your own subconscious communicating with your conscious awareness. If you really pay attention to the advice you give/the way the person's own situation makes you feel, it also gives you a greater awareness of your own thoughts and feelings towards your own situation and unresolved issues. Vice versa, the advice that others give to you offers a view into their inner conflicts, baggage, etc. It is a fascinating phenomenon.
- malloryerik 7y ago
  What an interesting reconfiguration -- or extension? -- of the Golden Rule: "Do unto yourself as you would do unto others." Or maybe something more modern: "Act as you'd have others act." "Do what you'd have others do." Edit: Or the slightly less generous, "Do as you'd have another do."
- chantelles 7y ago
  I wrote my memoir in the third person for just this reason.
Reedx 7y ago
Treat yourself like someone you are responsible for helping. Imagine someone you love and treat well. You need to treat yourself with the same respect. Take care of yourself, your room, your things, and have respect for yourself as if you’re a person with potential and is important to the people around you. -Jordan Peterson
mc32 7y ago
Specially when it’s an emotional decision. Should I break up with do and so? Your friends might know the answer and told you the answer, but often times it’s difficult for us to see the answer ourselves.
e40 7y ago
100% agree, but as I get older, it's getting easier to put myself outside of the situation and think rationally. In my 20's and 30's, forget it. It was hard. 40's was hard, but easier. In my 50's, I've really hitting the sweet spot for us. I've often wondered if I am unique in this, or whether other people follow the same pattern at the same age as me.
- inimino 7y ago
  Confucius: > At fifteen my heart was set on learning; at thirty I stood firm; at forty I had no more doubts; at fifty I knew the mandate of heaven; at sixty my ear was obedient; at seventy I could follow my heart’s desire without transgressing the norm.
solstice 7y ago
Are you a generally nice person? Then be nice and empathetic to your future self.
ruytlm 7y ago
One I have found helpful in a professional context is to think "If I were fired today, what would my replacement do about this?"
- taneq 7y ago
  Sometimes, though, the answer is "run screaming out the front door and never be seen again. :P
  - dwd 7y ago
    You have to ask yourself those questions sometimes. Staying in a toxic workplace because you have a mortgage, debts or a family to support could seem to an outsider like you've slipped into a Stockholm Syndrome-like mindset where you just don't want to think about it.
  - kaybe 7y ago
    I wonder how many of us would do exactly that if we felt it was an option.
ianai 7y ago
Letting go of my attachment to things troubling me helps. Sort of like stepping out of seeing things from my perspective and just as they are, as objectively as possible. I’m not perfect, but there are times where I did that and it helped.
inimino 7y ago
Generally the same blind spots that get us into difficulties prevent us from seeing our way out of them, which is why most of the mistakes we see others making seem so trivial.
hodgesrm 7y ago
When faced with a difficult problem one trick is to ask how you would view your choice in hindsight a year later. I use that technique a lot and find it helpful. It seems as if there are many ways to attain objectivity about decisions, which casts doubt on the notion that illeism has any special magic. Moreover, the argument that speaking in 3rd person made at least Caesar wiser seems doubtful. Caesar's writings are historically interesting but also considered artful propaganda hidden under apparently plain speech. [1] There's no particular reason to infer that Caesar used this device otherwise. As transmitted by Sallust, he referred directly to himself ("magna mihi copia est memorandi..."--"I find ample opportunity to mention...") when arguing against hastily putting conspirators of Cataline to death. [2] [1] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Commentarii_de_Bello_Gallico#Motivations https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Commentarii_de_Bello_Gallico#M... [2] http://penelope.uchicago.edu/Thayer/L/Roman/Texts/Sallust/Bellum_Catilinae*.html http://penelope.uchicago.edu/Thayer/L/Roman/Texts/Sallust/Be...

will_pseudonym 7y ago

Definitely agree. A couple of mental models I sometimes adopt to look at my situation more objectively: * Thinking about what I would do as a parent if my child was in the same situation as I am * View myself as a video game character (in the 3rd person, looking from above), and thinking about what I would do if I was controlling this character in a game with the same rules as life

redsummer 7y ago
That’s asking God what to do.
lifeisstillgood 7y ago
Those are fantastic little self-hacks - thank you for sharing. Currently looking down on myself and my advice to my games avatar is stop using HN and go to bed.
reachtarunhere 7y ago
I do a slightly different version of it. Where I imagine how someone I deeply admire would advise me in this situation. This kind of detachment allows me to say hard stuff to myself.
brokenmachine 7y ago
I'm pretty reckless in video games... Still, both are good ways to reframe things though.

bladegash 7y ago

This is actually a great example of transference and is a fantastic tool for understanding yourself in a deeper way. In many ways, the advice you are giving is a means of your own subconscious communicating with your conscious awareness. If you really pay attention to the advice you give/the way the person's own situation makes you feel, it also gives you a greater awareness of your own thoughts and feelings towards your own situation and unresolved issues. Vice versa, the advice that others give to you offers a view into their inner conflicts, baggage, etc. It is a fascinating phenomenon.

malloryerik 7y ago
What an interesting reconfiguration -- or extension? -- of the Golden Rule: "Do unto yourself as you would do unto others." Or maybe something more modern: "Act as you'd have others act." "Do what you'd have others do." Edit: Or the slightly less generous, "Do as you'd have another do."
chantelles 7y ago
I wrote my memoir in the third person for just this reason.

Reedx 7y ago

Treat yourself like someone you are responsible for helping. Imagine someone you love and treat well. You need to treat yourself with the same respect. Take care of yourself, your room, your things, and have respect for yourself as if you’re a person with potential and is important to the people around you. -Jordan Peterson

mc32 7y ago

Specially when it’s an emotional decision. Should I break up with do and so? Your friends might know the answer and told you the answer, but often times it’s difficult for us to see the answer ourselves.

e40 7y ago

100% agree, but as I get older, it's getting easier to put myself outside of the situation and think rationally. In my 20's and 30's, forget it. It was hard. 40's was hard, but easier. In my 50's, I've really hitting the sweet spot for us. I've often wondered if I am unique in this, or whether other people follow the same pattern at the same age as me.

inimino 7y ago
Confucius: > At fifteen my heart was set on learning; at thirty I stood firm; at forty I had no more doubts; at fifty I knew the mandate of heaven; at sixty my ear was obedient; at seventy I could follow my heart’s desire without transgressing the norm.

solstice 7y ago

Are you a generally nice person? Then be nice and empathetic to your future self.

ruytlm 7y ago

One I have found helpful in a professional context is to think "If I were fired today, what would my replacement do about this?"

taneq 7y ago
Sometimes, though, the answer is "run screaming out the front door and never be seen again. :P
- dwd 7y ago
  You have to ask yourself those questions sometimes. Staying in a toxic workplace because you have a mortgage, debts or a family to support could seem to an outsider like you've slipped into a Stockholm Syndrome-like mindset where you just don't want to think about it.
- kaybe 7y ago
  I wonder how many of us would do exactly that if we felt it was an option.

ianai 7y ago

Letting go of my attachment to things troubling me helps. Sort of like stepping out of seeing things from my perspective and just as they are, as objectively as possible. I’m not perfect, but there are times where I did that and it helped.

inimino 7y ago

Generally the same blind spots that get us into difficulties prevent us from seeing our way out of them, which is why most of the mistakes we see others making seem so trivial.

hodgesrm 7y ago

When faced with a difficult problem one trick is to ask how you would view your choice in hindsight a year later. I use that technique a lot and find it helpful. It seems as if there are many ways to attain objectivity about decisions, which casts doubt on the notion that illeism has any special magic. Moreover, the argument that speaking in 3rd person made at least Caesar wiser seems doubtful. Caesar's writings are historically interesting but also considered artful propaganda hidden under apparently plain speech. [1] There's no particular reason to infer that Caesar used this device otherwise. As transmitted by Sallust, he referred directly to himself ("magna mihi copia est memorandi..."--"I find ample opportunity to mention...") when arguing against hastily putting conspirators of Cataline to death. [2] [1] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Commentarii_de_Bello_Gallico#Motivations https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Commentarii_de_Bello_Gallico#M... [2] http://penelope.uchicago.edu/Thayer/L/Roman/Texts/Sallust/Bellum_Catilinae*.html http://penelope.uchicago.edu/Thayer/L/Roman/Texts/Sallust/Be...