4 ms·

I wish you much strength. The kinds of decisions you are facing (have faced) are the hardest you can imagine and can only be understood if you have been in the

I wish you much strength. The kinds of decisions you are facing (have faced) are the hardest you can imagine and can only be understood if you have been in the situation yourself. I believe that nobody has the right to judge them. Last October, I lost my then 61 year old wife to Early-Onset Alzheimers disease. I saw her slowly fade-away and losing all her abilities, returning to a baby-like state. People often asked me, if she still recognized me. I often explained that that was a meaningless question. For me, it was far more important, whether I still recognized her. And I did. Luckily for her and us, her death came rather swift. She died within one and half week after developing a high fever (possibly due to dehydration) spending the last five days under palliative sedation.

vageli 7y ago
> I wish you much strength. The kinds of decisions you are facing (have faced) are the hardest you can imagine and can only be understood if you have been in the situation yourself. I believe that nobody has the right to judge them. Last October, I lost my then 61 year old wife to Early-Onset Alzheimers disease. I saw her slowly fade-away and losing all her abilities, returning to a baby-like state. People often asked me, if she still recognized me. I often explained that that was a meaningless question. For me, it was far more important, whether I still recognized her. And I did. Luckily for her and us, her death came rather swift. She died within one and half week after developing a high fever (possibly due to dehydration) spending the last five days under palliative sedation. I am so sorry for your loss. I need you to know that your words moved me deeply. Particularly > People often asked me, if she still recognized me. I often explained that that was a meaningless question. For me, it was far more important, whether I still recognized her. And I did. One of the hardest parts on me was seeing my father suffer a similar decline, but it was the moments of lucidity or idle chat or little things that showed me he was still there to some extent. Thank you so much for saying what I have long felt in my heart.
scotty79 7y ago
> The kinds of decisions you are facing (have faced) are the hardest you can imagine The thing is there are no decisions to make. She'll be kept alive as long as possible as law and religious morality requires. All the previous decisions that were made were the most reasonable we could take and there were barely any alternatives along the way. The hard thing for us is just experiencing it all the way and beyond.
- fjfaase 7y ago
  I understand what you mean. I more mend it, for the people from the outside, who sometimes, so easily, make their judgements and come with their advice. Although I live in a rather liberal country, the choices are still rather limited. The general approach for people with dementia who are accepted in a care home is palliative care: focus on their well-being, not on extending or shortening life. But there is some room for movement, although the final decision is always in the hands of the responsible physician. For example, as family (or personal representatives) you may indicate that you wish that the administration of antibiotics should start as soon as an infection is suspected or delay it as long as possible, instead of it being administered only to relieve discomfort. We decided for palliative care. But still I felt that there were moments, when choice were made to extend her life. Not with respect to medical treatment, but with respect to feeding her. She was given special high-energy drinks and especially in the last half year, a lot of effort was made to feed her. For example, when she was too tired during a meal time, they would try to give it at another moment. Yet, I felt that I did not have the moral right to interfere or to even bring up the issue. I have respect for the manner in which the decisions were made by her physician and the people who took care for her. Although it was hard to go through the experience, in the end I was at peace with my decision to not to interfere and basically let the professionals make the decisions. But maybe my situation was much easier than yours, because my wife long ago had lost the faculty to know that there were any decisions to be made.

vageli 7y ago

> I wish you much strength. The kinds of decisions you are facing (have faced) are the hardest you can imagine and can only be understood if you have been in the situation yourself. I believe that nobody has the right to judge them. Last October, I lost my then 61 year old wife to Early-Onset Alzheimers disease. I saw her slowly fade-away and losing all her abilities, returning to a baby-like state. People often asked me, if she still recognized me. I often explained that that was a meaningless question. For me, it was far more important, whether I still recognized her. And I did. Luckily for her and us, her death came rather swift. She died within one and half week after developing a high fever (possibly due to dehydration) spending the last five days under palliative sedation. I am so sorry for your loss. I need you to know that your words moved me deeply. Particularly > People often asked me, if she still recognized me. I often explained that that was a meaningless question. For me, it was far more important, whether I still recognized her. And I did. One of the hardest parts on me was seeing my father suffer a similar decline, but it was the moments of lucidity or idle chat or little things that showed me he was still there to some extent. Thank you so much for saying what I have long felt in my heart.

scotty79 7y ago

> The kinds of decisions you are facing (have faced) are the hardest you can imagine The thing is there are no decisions to make. She'll be kept alive as long as possible as law and religious morality requires. All the previous decisions that were made were the most reasonable we could take and there were barely any alternatives along the way. The hard thing for us is just experiencing it all the way and beyond.

fjfaase 7y ago
I understand what you mean. I more mend it, for the people from the outside, who sometimes, so easily, make their judgements and come with their advice. Although I live in a rather liberal country, the choices are still rather limited. The general approach for people with dementia who are accepted in a care home is palliative care: focus on their well-being, not on extending or shortening life. But there is some room for movement, although the final decision is always in the hands of the responsible physician. For example, as family (or personal representatives) you may indicate that you wish that the administration of antibiotics should start as soon as an infection is suspected or delay it as long as possible, instead of it being administered only to relieve discomfort. We decided for palliative care. But still I felt that there were moments, when choice were made to extend her life. Not with respect to medical treatment, but with respect to feeding her. She was given special high-energy drinks and especially in the last half year, a lot of effort was made to feed her. For example, when she was too tired during a meal time, they would try to give it at another moment. Yet, I felt that I did not have the moral right to interfere or to even bring up the issue. I have respect for the manner in which the decisions were made by her physician and the people who took care for her. Although it was hard to go through the experience, in the end I was at peace with my decision to not to interfere and basically let the professionals make the decisions. But maybe my situation was much easier than yours, because my wife long ago had lost the faculty to know that there were any decisions to be made.