4 ms·

>Today's Japan does not smile upon children. If you take your kids to a restaurant, or take them on the train, or really try to do anything with them in public,

by magduf 7y ago

>Today's Japan does not smile upon children. If you take your kids to a restaurant, or take them on the train, or really try to do anything with them in public, then grit your teeth. Maybe very small children. But in Japan, kids are pushed to walk themselves to school around 7 years old or so. Here in the US, parents would be arrested for that, and in a lot of places kids aren't allowed to be outside unsupervised at all. >That's not easy in America either, but not impossible like Japan. It would be a massive shame for her mind and education to go to waste. Aren't there a fair number of foreign companies now operating in Japan? This might be a possible solution to this for some people. >Compared to my in-laws in Japan, my parents here in the US are younger, more able, and far more supportive in general. We're getting way more help with our kids here than we would in Japan. I thought it was much more common in Asian cultures for grandparents to help with the kids. In fact, looking at many of the home plans in Japan, I noticed that many houses are specifically designed so that a younger couple with kids can live with their parents; the parents get their own floor or side of the house, to provide some privacy to both sides, but it's very easy to go from one side to the other. In America, people just don't live near their parents much any more because people (I'm talking college-educated people here, like the HN crowd) move around the country so much for work.

verisimilidude 7y ago
> Maybe very small children. But in Japan, kids are pushed to walk themselves to school around 7 years old or so. Here in the US, parents would be arrested for that, and in a lot of places kids aren't allowed to be outside unsupervised at all. My kids are 6 and 4, so this has been our experience. We're not alone. In Japan, you're not even allowed to take your kids to the park supervised in a lot of places now, unless your kids just sit on a bench and finger their phones. No fun is allowed. > Aren't there a fair number of foreign companies now operating in Japan? This might be a possible solution to this for some people. It's more possible in some lines of work than others. Don't forget we're talking about a woman. Sexism is deep in Japan. Why deal with all of that when chances are so much more accessible elsewhere? > I thought it was much more common in Asian cultures for grandparents to help with the kids. I'd bet this is usually true, but it just doesn't apply in our case. My family in the US is super close and awesome. Her family in Japan is not. I'm not making excuses for why we don't live in Japan. Like I said, we have papers and we could return tomorrow. We could make it work. But our lives in the US are good. There's no great reason to leave.
- magduf 7y ago
  >My kids are 6 and 4, so this has been our experience. We're not alone. Everything I've read about Japan says that kids routinely walk themselves to school, take public transit all over the city by themselves, etc. However, this is of course talking about kids who are older than 4 or 6, probably more like 7-8+. I haven't read anything about what parenting 4-year-olds is like there, just that your typical 10-year-old is quite independent, unlike here in the US where you will really get arrested in some places if your 10yo is at the local park alone, or in other places the cops will bring him back home and give you a lecture about stranger danger. >Don't forget we're talking about a woman. Sexism is deep in Japan. Why deal with all of that when chances are so much more accessible elsewhere? That's a pretty easy thing to answer for anyone: emigrating is hard, and it's a really hard thing to leave your home country and culture you grew up in and try to make it someplace else. This is true for any human. It's especially true if you're going to a country where the language and culture are especially alien to you. (i.e., emigrating from UK to US isn't that hard; we have the same language and similar culture. Emigrating from Japan to US is a huge, huge change.) On top of that, other countries have their problems too. US is an extremely violent country with a 3rd-world-level murder rate, an almost non-existent public transit system, a shockingly expensive healthcare system, and a rather low ranking on any quality-of-life index compared to other industrialized nations. >I'd bet this is usually true, but it just doesn't apply in our case. Of course, individual experiences can be very different than national norms. It's too bad her family isn't more involved.
  - verisimilidude 7y ago
    I'm not sure how to respond. I'm speaking from my lived experience here. My wife is an ethnic Japanese citizen who grew up in Japan and speaks Japanese perfectly, with a Japanese college education and strong Japanese work experience in her field. It's still far easier for her to get a good job here in the US. This isn't some theoretical assumption. This happened! She's lived here for a combined thirteen years. She speaks excellent English. We've already moved back and forth between US and Japan a couple times. Emigration is a massive PITA but it's not like a soul-altering, deep-grit odyssey for us at this point. Not sure what this has to do with sexism. Yes, young kids commute to school alone in Japan. They're also not allowed to have fun, make sudden movements, or whisper in public without scorn. It's not a healthy environment.

by magduf 7y ago

verisimilidude 7y ago

> Maybe very small children. But in Japan, kids are pushed to walk themselves to school around 7 years old or so. Here in the US, parents would be arrested for that, and in a lot of places kids aren't allowed to be outside unsupervised at all. My kids are 6 and 4, so this has been our experience. We're not alone. In Japan, you're not even allowed to take your kids to the park supervised in a lot of places now, unless your kids just sit on a bench and finger their phones. No fun is allowed. > Aren't there a fair number of foreign companies now operating in Japan? This might be a possible solution to this for some people. It's more possible in some lines of work than others. Don't forget we're talking about a woman. Sexism is deep in Japan. Why deal with all of that when chances are so much more accessible elsewhere? > I thought it was much more common in Asian cultures for grandparents to help with the kids. I'd bet this is usually true, but it just doesn't apply in our case. My family in the US is super close and awesome. Her family in Japan is not. I'm not making excuses for why we don't live in Japan. Like I said, we have papers and we could return tomorrow. We could make it work. But our lives in the US are good. There's no great reason to leave.

magduf 7y ago
>My kids are 6 and 4, so this has been our experience. We're not alone. Everything I've read about Japan says that kids routinely walk themselves to school, take public transit all over the city by themselves, etc. However, this is of course talking about kids who are older than 4 or 6, probably more like 7-8+. I haven't read anything about what parenting 4-year-olds is like there, just that your typical 10-year-old is quite independent, unlike here in the US where you will really get arrested in some places if your 10yo is at the local park alone, or in other places the cops will bring him back home and give you a lecture about stranger danger. >Don't forget we're talking about a woman. Sexism is deep in Japan. Why deal with all of that when chances are so much more accessible elsewhere? That's a pretty easy thing to answer for anyone: emigrating is hard, and it's a really hard thing to leave your home country and culture you grew up in and try to make it someplace else. This is true for any human. It's especially true if you're going to a country where the language and culture are especially alien to you. (i.e., emigrating from UK to US isn't that hard; we have the same language and similar culture. Emigrating from Japan to US is a huge, huge change.) On top of that, other countries have their problems too. US is an extremely violent country with a 3rd-world-level murder rate, an almost non-existent public transit system, a shockingly expensive healthcare system, and a rather low ranking on any quality-of-life index compared to other industrialized nations. >I'd bet this is usually true, but it just doesn't apply in our case. Of course, individual experiences can be very different than national norms. It's too bad her family isn't more involved.
- verisimilidude 7y ago
  I'm not sure how to respond. I'm speaking from my lived experience here. My wife is an ethnic Japanese citizen who grew up in Japan and speaks Japanese perfectly, with a Japanese college education and strong Japanese work experience in her field. It's still far easier for her to get a good job here in the US. This isn't some theoretical assumption. This happened! She's lived here for a combined thirteen years. She speaks excellent English. We've already moved back and forth between US and Japan a couple times. Emigration is a massive PITA but it's not like a soul-altering, deep-grit odyssey for us at this point. Not sure what this has to do with sexism. Yes, young kids commute to school alone in Japan. They're also not allowed to have fun, make sudden movements, or whisper in public without scorn. It's not a healthy environment.