6 ms·

For what reasons did you and your spouse choose America over Japan? Curious...

a_t48 7y ago
If he’s an engineer - probably money and work life balance.
verisimilidude 7y ago
A lot of the reasons to stay in America are personal. * Compared to my in-laws in Japan, my parents here in the US are younger, more able, and far more supportive in general. We're getting way more help with our kids here than we would in Japan. We're getting more financial support. It's difficult to admit but it's a very simple truth. * I have an older brother on the autistic spectrum who greatly benefits from having me nearby. And I'd probably need to take up his care if something happened to my parents, so it makes sense to be settled in the US. * Our kids are biracial. Their social lives would probably be more difficult in Japan. Meanwhile, that's almost the norm where we live in California. * My career prospects are far more open in the US. You definitely feel the "gaijin glass ceiling" when you're working in a Japanese company. This may be changing today. But it was very true back in the mid-00s. * Likewise, my wife's career prospects are more promising in the US too. It's very difficult to get a salaried, high-paying job in Japan, especially as a woman, and especially as a person reentering the job market in middle age. That's not easy in America either, but not impossible like Japan. It would be a massive shame for her mind and education to go to waste. Japanese society is fucking this up badly. * Today's Japan does not smile upon children. If you take your kids to a restaurant, or take them on the train, or really try to do anything with them in public, then grit your teeth. You're going to be surrounded by old people everywhere, and many will be shooting you evil glares. To simply have kids is to disrupt the harmony. I've literally seen public parks get shut down because old people living across the street couldn't tolerate the sound of kids laughing. This isn't specific to my having half-breed kids; I hear the same from almost everyone. We actually know a lot of Japanese families (several dozen) who are staying in America mostly for this reason, planning to go back after their kids grow up. I loved living in Japan as an unencumbered young person. There are many things that Japan gets really right, like big city life, that's almost universally terrible in the US. When we go visit Japan, we come back kind of disgusted by America: there's trash everywhere, food is gross, certain neighborhoods are unsafe, every other person is obese, etc. Still, considering the above, the scales tip in favor of the US for us.
- codesushi42 7y ago
  >When we go visit Japan, we come back kind of disgusted by America: there's trash everywhere, food is gross, certain neighborhoods are unsafe, every other person is obese, etc. This is exactly how I feel when I return from the Japan. The same goes for coming back from Switzerland or Scandinavia. If more Americans traveled, they would probably be more upset about how terrible the US is compared to any other industrialized nation.
- magduf 7y ago
  >Today's Japan does not smile upon children. If you take your kids to a restaurant, or take them on the train, or really try to do anything with them in public, then grit your teeth. Maybe very small children. But in Japan, kids are pushed to walk themselves to school around 7 years old or so. Here in the US, parents would be arrested for that, and in a lot of places kids aren't allowed to be outside unsupervised at all. >That's not easy in America either, but not impossible like Japan. It would be a massive shame for her mind and education to go to waste. Aren't there a fair number of foreign companies now operating in Japan? This might be a possible solution to this for some people. >Compared to my in-laws in Japan, my parents here in the US are younger, more able, and far more supportive in general. We're getting way more help with our kids here than we would in Japan. I thought it was much more common in Asian cultures for grandparents to help with the kids. In fact, looking at many of the home plans in Japan, I noticed that many houses are specifically designed so that a younger couple with kids can live with their parents; the parents get their own floor or side of the house, to provide some privacy to both sides, but it's very easy to go from one side to the other. In America, people just don't live near their parents much any more because people (I'm talking college-educated people here, like the HN crowd) move around the country so much for work.
  - verisimilidude 7y ago
    > Maybe very small children. But in Japan, kids are pushed to walk themselves to school around 7 years old or so. Here in the US, parents would be arrested for that, and in a lot of places kids aren't allowed to be outside unsupervised at all. My kids are 6 and 4, so this has been our experience. We're not alone. In Japan, you're not even allowed to take your kids to the park supervised in a lot of places now, unless your kids just sit on a bench and finger their phones. No fun is allowed. > Aren't there a fair number of foreign companies now operating in Japan? This might be a possible solution to this for some people. It's more possible in some lines of work than others. Don't forget we're talking about a woman. Sexism is deep in Japan. Why deal with all of that when chances are so much more accessible elsewhere? > I thought it was much more common in Asian cultures for grandparents to help with the kids. I'd bet this is usually true, but it just doesn't apply in our case. My family in the US is super close and awesome. Her family in Japan is not. I'm not making excuses for why we don't live in Japan. Like I said, we have papers and we could return tomorrow. We could make it work. But our lives in the US are good. There's no great reason to leave.

If he’s an engineer - probably money and work life balance.

A lot of the reasons to stay in America are personal. * Compared to my in-laws in Japan, my parents here in the US are younger, more able, and far more supportive in general. We're getting way more help with our kids here than we would in Japan. We're getting more financial support. It's difficult to admit but it's a very simple truth. * I have an older brother on the autistic spectrum who greatly benefits from having me nearby. And I'd probably need to take up his care if something happened to my parents, so it makes sense to be settled in the US. * Our kids are biracial. Their social lives would probably be more difficult in Japan. Meanwhile, that's almost the norm where we live in California. * My career prospects are far more open in the US. You definitely feel the "gaijin glass ceiling" when you're working in a Japanese company. This may be changing today. But it was very true back in the mid-00s. * Likewise, my wife's career prospects are more promising in the US too. It's very difficult to get a salaried, high-paying job in Japan, especially as a woman, and especially as a person reentering the job market in middle age. That's not easy in America either, but not impossible like Japan. It would be a massive shame for her mind and education to go to waste. Japanese society is fucking this up badly. * Today's Japan does not smile upon children. If you take your kids to a restaurant, or take them on the train, or really try to do anything with them in public, then grit your teeth. You're going to be surrounded by old people everywhere, and many will be shooting you evil glares. To simply have kids is to disrupt the harmony. I've literally seen public parks get shut down because old people living across the street couldn't tolerate the sound of kids laughing. This isn't specific to my having half-breed kids; I hear the same from almost everyone. We actually know a lot of Japanese families (several dozen) who are staying in America mostly for this reason, planning to go back after their kids grow up. I loved living in Japan as an unencumbered young person. There are many things that Japan gets really right, like big city life, that's almost universally terrible in the US. When we go visit Japan, we come back kind of disgusted by America: there's trash everywhere, food is gross, certain neighborhoods are unsafe, every other person is obese, etc. Still, considering the above, the scales tip in favor of the US for us.

codesushi42 7y ago
>When we go visit Japan, we come back kind of disgusted by America: there's trash everywhere, food is gross, certain neighborhoods are unsafe, every other person is obese, etc. This is exactly how I feel when I return from the Japan. The same goes for coming back from Switzerland or Scandinavia. If more Americans traveled, they would probably be more upset about how terrible the US is compared to any other industrialized nation.
magduf 7y ago
>Today's Japan does not smile upon children. If you take your kids to a restaurant, or take them on the train, or really try to do anything with them in public, then grit your teeth. Maybe very small children. But in Japan, kids are pushed to walk themselves to school around 7 years old or so. Here in the US, parents would be arrested for that, and in a lot of places kids aren't allowed to be outside unsupervised at all. >That's not easy in America either, but not impossible like Japan. It would be a massive shame for her mind and education to go to waste. Aren't there a fair number of foreign companies now operating in Japan? This might be a possible solution to this for some people. >Compared to my in-laws in Japan, my parents here in the US are younger, more able, and far more supportive in general. We're getting way more help with our kids here than we would in Japan. I thought it was much more common in Asian cultures for grandparents to help with the kids. In fact, looking at many of the home plans in Japan, I noticed that many houses are specifically designed so that a younger couple with kids can live with their parents; the parents get their own floor or side of the house, to provide some privacy to both sides, but it's very easy to go from one side to the other. In America, people just don't live near their parents much any more because people (I'm talking college-educated people here, like the HN crowd) move around the country so much for work.
- verisimilidude 7y ago
  > Maybe very small children. But in Japan, kids are pushed to walk themselves to school around 7 years old or so. Here in the US, parents would be arrested for that, and in a lot of places kids aren't allowed to be outside unsupervised at all. My kids are 6 and 4, so this has been our experience. We're not alone. In Japan, you're not even allowed to take your kids to the park supervised in a lot of places now, unless your kids just sit on a bench and finger their phones. No fun is allowed. > Aren't there a fair number of foreign companies now operating in Japan? This might be a possible solution to this for some people. It's more possible in some lines of work than others. Don't forget we're talking about a woman. Sexism is deep in Japan. Why deal with all of that when chances are so much more accessible elsewhere? > I thought it was much more common in Asian cultures for grandparents to help with the kids. I'd bet this is usually true, but it just doesn't apply in our case. My family in the US is super close and awesome. Her family in Japan is not. I'm not making excuses for why we don't live in Japan. Like I said, we have papers and we could return tomorrow. We could make it work. But our lives in the US are good. There's no great reason to leave.