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I'm generally friendly with people at work but I've noticed that there is a strange inverse in kindness to people's response to my kindness. When I'm more terse
by insickness 7y ago
I'm generally friendly with people at work but I've noticed that there is a strange inverse in kindness to people's response to my kindness. When I'm more terse, they respond kinder. When I'm kind, they tend to be more terse.
For example, if they ask a question and I give a longer, more friendly response like, "No, I don't know the answer to that question. That's not really my department." They may just respond with, "Ok." But if I respond with something more terse like, "Don't know," they will respond with, "Ok, no problem. I'll figure it out."
- quakingaspen 7y agoHuh that's a cool observation. I think there might be more ambiguity there though. For example, I could (and in my case would probably) also interpret the second response as not being "friendly" exactly but as defensive and irritated. Only someone who is worried about being regarded as inferior or believes that you're acting superior would make that kind of overly demonstrative response. A peer would probably just echo your tone and just say "Ok". Not saying you should psychoanalyze too much or that your interpretation is wrong but be on the lookout (especially via written communication) for when kindness isn't actually kindness, but deference or defensiveness.
- ebcode 7y agoI like your ad-hoc verbal experimentation. It reminds me of a study awhile back, something about how we use rhythm in our communication to keep things flowing. Along with the subtle power dynamics of short and long responses, there seems to be a human need to have some minimum amount of communication in an interaction to keep us from perceiving it as unpleasant.