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This is so interesting, thank you for sharing. I was recently thinking about affection in my own early childhood - I grew up with loving parents (and grandparen
by drakonka 7y ago
This is so interesting, thank you for sharing. I was recently thinking about affection in my own early childhood - I grew up with loving parents (and grandparents) who were happy to hug me etc. The only 'weird' thing that stands out in terms of affection offered by my family is that my mom was apparently afraid to hold me for the first few days after my birth - I was her first child and she was worried she'd drop or hurt me in some way, so my grandmother took care of me for that short period of time instead.
The problem was that _I_ always refused affection as a kid. I never came for hugs or kisses or anything, and when my parents tried to hug me it always felt really awkward for me. The only thing I'd come to my parents for would be back scratches, which I loved. I didn't get a feeling of affection from the scratches, they just felt physically pleasant and relaxing.
I wonder how, if at all, kids who refuse affection are impacted later in life. I _think_ I grew up to be a fairly well adjusted person. If I try to find something 'wrong' with me the only thing I can point to is some difficulty in relating to negative emotions in others. I guess I'd be very curious to see any studies about the flip-side - eg how many baby rats are resistant to the 'licking and grooming' offered by their mothers, and how are they impacted later in life?
- sjg007 7y agoWe know human touch is important and that a lack of it will cause severe psychological problems. The evidence is from Russian orphans with kids who were never held or touched. There is also evidence with monkeys and the wire doll mothers. This falls under the wider psychological theory Attachment and need for the infant to have its needs met which is very dependent on the parent. Attachment is probably a life long thing too. As kids develop they shift from being parent oriented to peer oriented. There are some cultural aspects as well, you see this largely expressed in greetings and maybe extended family interactions. As for a rat pup or infant refusing affection it is a warning sign for autism spectrum disorder for sure.
- drakonka 7y agoEven though I've jokingly been told I may be on the spectrum due to my difficulty relating to some emotions, I was under the impression that autistic children usually have speech delays and don't really want human attention, which definitely wasn't the case for me - I just didn't want human _affection_ as a kid, but was perfectly happy to talk and bug my parents to play games with me. Either way I fear I'm going down a path of the kind of self-analysis that is best left to a professional, so I'll leave it at that and enjoy feeling well-adjusted even if it's all an illusion :D