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People are 100X more sensitive to negativity than positivity. So if you feel the need to say something negative, either wait for someone else to say it so you

People are 100X more sensitive to negativity than positivity. So if you feel the need to say something negative, either wait for someone else to say it so you can laugh and agree, or say nothing at all. Likewise, offer your opinion as little as possible unless it's positive or you've been explicitly asked for criticism. And even then describe how the thing could be improved, not how it sucked or how much.

jamesrcole 7y ago
If everyone followed that advice, nobody would ever express their opinion and nobody would ever say anything negative. Being able to critique things is really important. It's essential for identifying problems, developing good ideas, and improving systems and products and well as people's personal development. You say to explain how things could be improved rather than talk about the problems with them. The problem with that approach is it's usually important to first identify exactly what the problem is, before coming up with ideas for how to fix it. Sometimes it's not obvious how to improve things. It may take days or weeks to get to that point.
- onion2k 7y ago
  Pixar use a technique called "plussing"[1] where any critique given is framed as a positive constructive addition. Eg you accept something for what it is and suggest a way to improve it rather than saying it's bad or wrong. I've tried to use it, and continue to try, but it's hard work. When I manage to do it properly it works very well. [1] https://intenseminimalism.com/2015/pixars-plussing-technique-of-giving-feedback/ https://intenseminimalism.com/2015/pixars-plussing-technique...
  - jamesrcole 7y ago
    I addressed this kind of thing in my original comment: it is often important to first clearly identify the problems before trying to come up with solutions, and you may have to go days or weeks without being able to develop possible solutions.
    - onion2k 7y ago
      That doesn't matter though. The point of plussing is about how you word your criticism so people don't feel the need to be defensive or antagonistic. If there's a problem that can't be solved for a while there's world of difference between saying "Your code is wrong. This is a problem we can't solve for weeks." and "You've made a great start and this code is going to be really useful as a foundation to build on, but there's a new challenge we didn't foresee so we'll need to make a couple of changes when we have more data." I've never met a technical problem that couldn't be solved better with good people skills. Knowing how to get good work from people is key for any tech business.
      - jamesrcole 7y ago
        It sounds like you're agreeing with me that criticism is important. I never advocated for poorly communicating that criticism, even though that seems to be what you're implying. To repeat the point of the comment you replied to, it can be much more effective to first work on identifying exactly what the problem is, and if you always expect you can immediately identify solutions it'll hamper your ability to address tough problems.
      - brankoB 7y ago
        What if the code is absolutely terrible and needs to be scrapped ASAP?
        onion2k 7y ago
        Then your hiring process, the team lead's leadership skills, and whole team's requirements gathering and code review processes all need some attention.
        asdfman123 7y ago
        There is nothing that you can't express in a kind and constructive manner. Speak objectively, keeping judgments, blame and "you" statements out of it. "It's been difficult to add new features to the code base because it's grown so much and I think we need to consider a serious refactoring project. The best approach in my opinion is to take the lessons of the past and start over for X and Y reasons." Will everyone agree with you? Maybe not. Will it work? Maybe it won't. But that's also true if you say "your code sucks," and you won't have to be bogged down in savage internecine code warfare.
  - ahaferburg 7y ago
    Possibly better source: https://web.archive.org/web/20150303123748/http://www.thinklikeaninnovator.com/plussing-how-pixar-transforms-critiquing-into-creating/ https://web.archive.org/web/20150303123748/http://www.thinkl...
- austhrow743 7y ago
  Without commenting on whether I agree with their advice or not, I just want to point out that "if everyone x then y" is a poor argument against x. Plenty of the things we do that are good for us would turn out poorly for us if everyone did them. Plenty of the things we do that are good for the groups we belong to would turn out poorly if everyone in the group did them.
  - jamesrcole 7y ago
    I took their argument to be saying that ideally nobody should share their opinions or say negative things.
- swagasaurus-rex 7y ago
  People might be sensitive to negativity, but positivity can absolutely change somebody's outlook. It's hard to time it just right but when somebody does, on their own, something that they previously would not or could not, praise will work wonders.
  - jamesrcole 7y ago
    I didn't say anything against positivity. I'm just saying that critique is important. It's not the only thing that's important but it is important.
darkmighty 7y ago
Negative comments are usually much less useful also. They are usually one of those: 1) Animosity (the person dislikes you) 2) A broad description of a mistake 3) Different taste Only (2) can be somewhat useful, although (3) is permissible sometimes I guess. Often the person already knows he might be doing something wrong or not good enough; simply pointing it out leads nowhere, knowing what not to do still leaves unancessibly vast possibilities. It seems much better to directly (and probably privately) suggest alternatives, offer solutions, etc. I like this opinion piece about this: http://fanaro.com.br/negative-language-why-you-should-avoid-it/ http://fanaro.com.br/negative-language-why-you-should-avoid-... Diverging should be discussed under some circumstances though, specially if you clarify your rationale (or when discussing unconsequential things like foods and such). Overall pointing out solutions and affirming good values, qualities, outcomes if much more useful (and has the bonus of being charitable, even affectionate).
justhw 7y ago
Not being the deliverer of bad news is a great tactic however there are other methods like - the shit sandwich- that softens how hard they feel it.
watwut 7y ago
This is how at least one project ended half done at time when it should have been done. Everything was great until reality came to kick us. There is absolutely such a thing as knowing how not to be asshole about negative opinion, but never saying it in the long term harms projects.

jamesrcole 7y ago

If everyone followed that advice, nobody would ever express their opinion and nobody would ever say anything negative. Being able to critique things is really important. It's essential for identifying problems, developing good ideas, and improving systems and products and well as people's personal development. You say to explain how things could be improved rather than talk about the problems with them. The problem with that approach is it's usually important to first identify exactly what the problem is, before coming up with ideas for how to fix it. Sometimes it's not obvious how to improve things. It may take days or weeks to get to that point.

onion2k 7y ago
Pixar use a technique called "plussing"[1] where any critique given is framed as a positive constructive addition. Eg you accept something for what it is and suggest a way to improve it rather than saying it's bad or wrong. I've tried to use it, and continue to try, but it's hard work. When I manage to do it properly it works very well. [1] https://intenseminimalism.com/2015/pixars-plussing-technique-of-giving-feedback/ https://intenseminimalism.com/2015/pixars-plussing-technique...
- jamesrcole 7y ago
  I addressed this kind of thing in my original comment: it is often important to first clearly identify the problems before trying to come up with solutions, and you may have to go days or weeks without being able to develop possible solutions.
  - onion2k 7y ago
    That doesn't matter though. The point of plussing is about how you word your criticism so people don't feel the need to be defensive or antagonistic. If there's a problem that can't be solved for a while there's world of difference between saying "Your code is wrong. This is a problem we can't solve for weeks." and "You've made a great start and this code is going to be really useful as a foundation to build on, but there's a new challenge we didn't foresee so we'll need to make a couple of changes when we have more data." I've never met a technical problem that couldn't be solved better with good people skills. Knowing how to get good work from people is key for any tech business.
    - jamesrcole 7y ago
      It sounds like you're agreeing with me that criticism is important. I never advocated for poorly communicating that criticism, even though that seems to be what you're implying. To repeat the point of the comment you replied to, it can be much more effective to first work on identifying exactly what the problem is, and if you always expect you can immediately identify solutions it'll hamper your ability to address tough problems.
    - brankoB 7y ago
      What if the code is absolutely terrible and needs to be scrapped ASAP?
      - onion2k 7y ago
        Then your hiring process, the team lead's leadership skills, and whole team's requirements gathering and code review processes all need some attention.
      - asdfman123 7y ago
        There is nothing that you can't express in a kind and constructive manner. Speak objectively, keeping judgments, blame and "you" statements out of it. "It's been difficult to add new features to the code base because it's grown so much and I think we need to consider a serious refactoring project. The best approach in my opinion is to take the lessons of the past and start over for X and Y reasons." Will everyone agree with you? Maybe not. Will it work? Maybe it won't. But that's also true if you say "your code sucks," and you won't have to be bogged down in savage internecine code warfare.
- ahaferburg 7y ago
  Possibly better source: https://web.archive.org/web/20150303123748/http://www.thinklikeaninnovator.com/plussing-how-pixar-transforms-critiquing-into-creating/ https://web.archive.org/web/20150303123748/http://www.thinkl...
austhrow743 7y ago
Without commenting on whether I agree with their advice or not, I just want to point out that "if everyone x then y" is a poor argument against x. Plenty of the things we do that are good for us would turn out poorly for us if everyone did them. Plenty of the things we do that are good for the groups we belong to would turn out poorly if everyone in the group did them.
- jamesrcole 7y ago
  I took their argument to be saying that ideally nobody should share their opinions or say negative things.
swagasaurus-rex 7y ago
People might be sensitive to negativity, but positivity can absolutely change somebody's outlook. It's hard to time it just right but when somebody does, on their own, something that they previously would not or could not, praise will work wonders.
- jamesrcole 7y ago
  I didn't say anything against positivity. I'm just saying that critique is important. It's not the only thing that's important but it is important.

darkmighty 7y ago

Negative comments are usually much less useful also. They are usually one of those: 1) Animosity (the person dislikes you) 2) A broad description of a mistake 3) Different taste Only (2) can be somewhat useful, although (3) is permissible sometimes I guess. Often the person already knows he might be doing something wrong or not good enough; simply pointing it out leads nowhere, knowing what not to do still leaves unancessibly vast possibilities. It seems much better to directly (and probably privately) suggest alternatives, offer solutions, etc. I like this opinion piece about this: http://fanaro.com.br/negative-language-why-you-should-avoid-it/ http://fanaro.com.br/negative-language-why-you-should-avoid-... Diverging should be discussed under some circumstances though, specially if you clarify your rationale (or when discussing unconsequential things like foods and such). Overall pointing out solutions and affirming good values, qualities, outcomes if much more useful (and has the bonus of being charitable, even affectionate).

justhw 7y ago

Not being the deliverer of bad news is a great tactic however there are other methods like - the shit sandwich- that softens how hard they feel it.

watwut 7y ago

This is how at least one project ended half done at time when it should have been done. Everything was great until reality came to kick us. There is absolutely such a thing as knowing how not to be asshole about negative opinion, but never saying it in the long term harms projects.