4 ms·

I have a flight reflex which makes me run away when things get tough. I quit a number of jobs because of that and then rationalized it to myself by blaming it o

• mikekchar 7y ago
  There is a Japanese TV show called "How do you like Wednesdays", where 3 or 4 guys go travelling around the world doing crazy things -- not crazy like Youtube crazy. Just things like trying to visit every European country by car in 2 weeks. They do stupid eating challenges, etc, etc. One of the things I like about the show (apart from the improvised humour) is that the director tells them what they are going to do and it usually involves something that at least one of them hates. Then they all laugh about it and go do it. The suffering is part of the humour. One of the things I think modern life has been bad for is that it promises to alleviate suffering. But I've found that suffering is something that brings as much good as it does bad. When we avoid suffering, we avoid all those good things. We become like an animal in a zoo -- everything is provided, but there is no point. I wouldn't go crazy about this, but you could consider trying to add some suffering intentionally to your life. Just something silly like purposely eating food that you don't like. Then revel in the audacity of it. Brag about how you conquered the evils of liver or whatever. When people ask you why you ate it, then say something stupid like "I ate it because it was there". Slowly, slowly introduce more things that you can do. Make fun of them, like the boggart in the Harry Potter series. Laugh at the stupidity of intentionally doing these things. One thing I will say almost for certain if you try it: You say you have a hard time accepting yourself the way you are. You probably don't actually know what way you are (and I'm not trying to be accusative here). You've been trapped in your cage of comfort. You will surprise yourself, I guarantee it. Good luck!
  • extempore 7y ago
    I highly recommend ice cold showers to anyone looking to explore this direction. They’re easily available, don’t take very long, and produce immediate benefits.
    • quickthrower2 7y ago
      You might have me jump into my pool on winter!
      • blocko 7y ago
        This is probably just a funny statement but be careful about submersion w/o conditioning yourself for it prior: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cold_shock_response https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cold_shock_response
  • prometheus76 7y ago
    This idea is a major component in stoic philosophy, and it's something I learned from growing up with my dad. He frequently would sleep on the floor with only a blanket, or even sleep outside in the yard sometimes. He would not wear a coat to work one day in the winter. I was working with him in the mountains of Colorado one winter, and about 15 minutes before we got to work (we had about an hour commute to get to the job site in the mountains), he would roll the windows all the way down. He said, "It makes it much easier to get out of the truck when you get to work." When he got out to fuel up his truck, he would not wear a coat, nor would he get back in the truck while it was fueling. He had a truck that had a removable top for awhile. He took the top off and left it that way for a whole year. He parked it under an awning at night, so the snow wouldn't be covering his seats, but otherwise he was open to the weather, whatever it brought. He always took cold showers, and we always parked at the end of the parking lot farthest away from the doors, because "You can always find a parking spot there, and you always remember where you parked." I could go on with a lot more examples from his (and my) life, but the important insight that I gained from this kind of effort was that by choosing to add discomfort to your life, and learning to be at ease while being uncomfortable, makes it much easier to stay level-headed and relaxed when things happen in your life that are uncomfortable that you didn't choose. You become much more capable of absorbing adversity when you practice absorbing adversity.
• throwaway9283i 7y ago
  Can we get in touch, please? Sounds like my mind has worded these sentences. You find my mail in my account. Thanks!
• mattmanser 7y ago
  I'd also like to hear what good things you found out about yourself! It's good to be self-aware, but don't just pick at your bad points. How would your friends and family describe you. If you were your friend, how would you describe yourself?
  • tcmb 7y ago
    Thanks for asking, this is indeed much harder to answer for me. I think I have a good sense of humour, I am broadly interested, I can listen to understand, I give other people room and don't push myself into the foreground, I keep my promises, I am honest, I don't take myself too seriously, I like harmony and want others to be well, I can sense the atmosphere in a room and adapt to it, I can explain things well for a given audience, ... plus some skills which help mostly professionally. Thanks again for the prompt to get me thinking about this. I'm actually happy with that, I can see a common theme, and maybe even how some of the traits I see as positive are the flipside of those that I see as negative. This is actually something I deeply believe: you cannot really diminish or boost one isolated aspect of your character, without also diminishing or boosting its counter-weight on the other side of the spectrum. If you become more organized, you probably also become less creative and out-of-the-box thinking, if you become more self-confident, you will be perceived as more arrogant than before etc. No yin without yang, no light without shadows.
• ochronus 7y ago
  <3
  • tcmb 7y ago
    <3 to you, too! :) Your profile looks great, if I was looking for an Engineering Manager, I would want to get to know you!