4 ms·

Lol, reducing risk of divorce != increasing happiness

by aey 7y ago

1000units 7y ago
You're joking, but this is true at the individual level because you can marry the wrong person. At the population level, reducing divorce does increase happiness and is something we should design for.
- aey 7y ago
  Not at the cost of forcing people to stay with the wrong partner. What’s the likelihood of a person who is unlikely to engage in premarital sex to stay with a bad partner? Seems like set has large overlap because religion would be a common factor for both.
  - 1000units 7y ago
    I agree. The idea is we all be extremely selective about who we choose to give ourselves to. Your comment raises the question, what is a bad partner? How do incompatible relationships arise? I'd say most often the dominating force behind bad relationships is strong physical attraction. To give a personal example, I married a very beautiful woman who turned out to be immensely destructive to myself and everyone I loved, including her and her family. She had a serious personality disorder. I was immediately blinded by how attractive she was, how good the sex was, and how intimately we engaged with each other in general (though often this had dark sources like codependency and fear of abandonment). There were warning signs I could have chosen to pay attention to, but I thought at the time this is an incredible woman I've met and if things don't work out, that's O.K., there's nothing to lose. But I lost a lot. I fell in love deeply enough to tolerate all sorts of madness and it ended tragically. I won't even allude to the details here. If I really forced myself in the beginning to think about whether I could in fact devote my life to this woman and our future family (which is the calling of sacramental marriage) before choosing to date her, my life would be unrecognizably different and certainly contain less tragedy. Sex allows unstable relationships to develop into failed serious relationships. Failed relationships harden the heart, reducing one's ability to love, trust, and enjoy other people. It's terrible but it's true, and anybody who's had at least one bad relationship will tell you. If you're lucky you can mostly recover but the damage is still done and it shows in the numbers.
    - TheSpiceIsLife 7y ago
      I agree with everything this person just said.

Lol, reducing risk of divorce != increasing happiness

by aey 7y ago

Lol, reducing risk of divorce != increasing happiness

You're joking, but this is true at the individual level because you can marry the wrong person. At the population level, reducing divorce does increase happiness and is something we should design for.

aey 7y ago
Not at the cost of forcing people to stay with the wrong partner. What’s the likelihood of a person who is unlikely to engage in premarital sex to stay with a bad partner? Seems like set has large overlap because religion would be a common factor for both.
- 1000units 7y ago
  I agree. The idea is we all be extremely selective about who we choose to give ourselves to. Your comment raises the question, what is a bad partner? How do incompatible relationships arise? I'd say most often the dominating force behind bad relationships is strong physical attraction. To give a personal example, I married a very beautiful woman who turned out to be immensely destructive to myself and everyone I loved, including her and her family. She had a serious personality disorder. I was immediately blinded by how attractive she was, how good the sex was, and how intimately we engaged with each other in general (though often this had dark sources like codependency and fear of abandonment). There were warning signs I could have chosen to pay attention to, but I thought at the time this is an incredible woman I've met and if things don't work out, that's O.K., there's nothing to lose. But I lost a lot. I fell in love deeply enough to tolerate all sorts of madness and it ended tragically. I won't even allude to the details here. If I really forced myself in the beginning to think about whether I could in fact devote my life to this woman and our future family (which is the calling of sacramental marriage) before choosing to date her, my life would be unrecognizably different and certainly contain less tragedy. Sex allows unstable relationships to develop into failed serious relationships. Failed relationships harden the heart, reducing one's ability to love, trust, and enjoy other people. It's terrible but it's true, and anybody who's had at least one bad relationship will tell you. If you're lucky you can mostly recover but the damage is still done and it shows in the numbers.
  - TheSpiceIsLife 7y ago
    I agree with everything this person just said.