4 ms·

I have a variety of ways to analyse this: 0) Remember that social media and the press shows the best parts of people's lives and rarely the crappy parts that e

by rb808 7y ago

I have a variety of ways to analyse this: 0) Remember that social media and the press shows the best parts of people's lives and rarely the crappy parts that everyone has. 1) You can't have it all. Often people sacrifice other parts of their lives to achieve in one area. My old boss that got promoted to a very high position never found a partner or children. Other tech friends who have earned a lot have worked thier whole lives and never went backpacking around the world like I did. 2) Some people have advantages. Eg Bill Gates was a millionaire before he even started college, many famous people had privileged upbringings. 3) Some people are just lucky. Maybe they were in the right place in the right time. I had a very wealthy friend who I never figured out why they spent so much or how they could afford such a big house and expensive vacations. Later I found out their father literally won the lottery, $50Mil - at the same time her sister has severe deformities from birth. Which brings to 4) Money and "Success" doesn't equal happiness. My wealthy friend would easily give it up to have a healthy happy sister. Taleb talks a lot about how suburbs filled with huge multi-million dollar houses are filled with bored lonely people. 5) You're probably much wealthier and have a better life than most people already. Remember >2Billion people don't have clean tap water they can drink. People are risking their lives so they can come to the US or Europe to work in construction or cook your meals in a restaurant.

aikinai 7y ago
Three of these methods are effectively, "My life is probably better than theirs anyway," and two are, "It wasn't a fair fight anyway." This might work on a surface level, but you're just plastering over the problem, not rising above it.
- sverige 7y ago
  Not OP, but I thought that response was very good. Rising above the problem first requires an accurate assessment of what the problem really is. 'Seething' over the success of others is an emotional problem, and it is likely that the root cause is fear that someone else is getting more (of whatever) than I am. If that's true, then examining what it is that you think someone else is getting is worthwhile, as is examining what you actually already have. Comparisons are appropriate to make sure your expectations are calibrated to something more realistic than feelings.
- sterkekoffie 7y ago
  I think you're missing that there are options besides "their life is better than mine" and "my life is better than theirs."
misc1972 7y ago
2) Some people have advantages. Eg Bill Gates was a millionaire before he ever finished college, many famous people had privileged upbringings. Bill Gates was a billioniare multiple times over before he finished college, considering that he never received a degree. Harvard did grant him an honorary law degree in 2007, but not before he acquired his wealth.
- rb808 7y ago
  agreed. changed it to was a millionaire before he started college
- ionised 7y ago
  I think the point is, Bill Gates was already privileged before he got rich.
Viliam1234 7y ago
> 0) Remember that social media and the press shows the best parts of people's lives and rarely the crappy parts that everyone has. When I take a picture on camera, I sometimes realize that a person looking at the picture will probably imagine something much better than reality. For example, an entire day spent with my kids who try to be as annoying as possible; then for five minutes they act cute, and I make a nice photo. A person looking at the photo will probably imagine that the whole day was fun. Or we take a trip somewhere, take a nice photo in front of a local historical building, then the kids get really annoying and we have to cancel the trip and go home. Again, a person looking at the photo will probably be impressed by what kind of trips we can make with the kids. So when I look at someone else's photo, I can do the reverse reasoning. The smiling guy on the photo? Maybe the whole day was actually quite bad, and he only had 5 minutes of fun. A photo taken on a ship? Seems nice, but maybe the trip was slow and boring, and the weather mostly bad. An attractive girl next to him? Maybe he spent five minutes talking with her, and the rest of the day traveling or siting at various meetings. Or maybe not; the point is that the nicest possible scenario is only one of the possibilities.
- gen220 7y ago
  Have you read Knausgaard, by chance? Something about your writing evoked him for me in a good way. It's sort of off-topic, but reading his books in my early 20s was a huge revelation for me; something like "Oh, it actually doesn't get much 'easier' when you grow up. You still deal with things as they arise, and continue to sort of meander your way between the present moment and nostalgia, between joy and pain." In a way, it was rather calming to know that "Adults" with "Kids" are just Us with 5-10 more years of good and bad decisions. Relaxing to know that we wouldn't suddenly be expected to miraculously do everything correctly. :) It had made me more aware of the fakeness you describe, but it also compels me to marvel at those older people I meet who have consistently invested in their life’s garden: pruning and fertilizing, sowing and reaping, apparently against our natural inclinations to let it all grow wild.
- chrshawkes 7y ago
  "When I take a picture on camera, I sometimes realize that a person looking at the picture will probably imagine something much better than reality." I'm a parent and I think you raise a good point but I think most parents see right through that. :) Most photos and even YouTube videos are completely fake and doctored. The filters amplify this even more. Although my pics with my children were not filled with happiness the entire time, they are the happiest and proudest moments of my life (some of them, not all). I've played the entrepreneurial game for a long time. I found success and won awards along the way. The time spent with my children is more important than all of that. It's a fine balance though. Nobody wants to be a loser, so we're forced to work harder than the next guy/girl.

by rb808 7y ago

aikinai 7y ago

Three of these methods are effectively, "My life is probably better than theirs anyway," and two are, "It wasn't a fair fight anyway." This might work on a surface level, but you're just plastering over the problem, not rising above it.

sverige 7y ago
Not OP, but I thought that response was very good. Rising above the problem first requires an accurate assessment of what the problem really is. 'Seething' over the success of others is an emotional problem, and it is likely that the root cause is fear that someone else is getting more (of whatever) than I am. If that's true, then examining what it is that you think someone else is getting is worthwhile, as is examining what you actually already have. Comparisons are appropriate to make sure your expectations are calibrated to something more realistic than feelings.
sterkekoffie 7y ago
I think you're missing that there are options besides "their life is better than mine" and "my life is better than theirs."

misc1972 7y ago

2) Some people have advantages. Eg Bill Gates was a millionaire before he ever finished college, many famous people had privileged upbringings. Bill Gates was a billioniare multiple times over before he finished college, considering that he never received a degree. Harvard did grant him an honorary law degree in 2007, but not before he acquired his wealth.

rb808 7y ago
agreed. changed it to was a millionaire before he started college
ionised 7y ago
I think the point is, Bill Gates was already privileged before he got rich.

Viliam1234 7y ago

> 0) Remember that social media and the press shows the best parts of people's lives and rarely the crappy parts that everyone has. When I take a picture on camera, I sometimes realize that a person looking at the picture will probably imagine something much better than reality. For example, an entire day spent with my kids who try to be as annoying as possible; then for five minutes they act cute, and I make a nice photo. A person looking at the photo will probably imagine that the whole day was fun. Or we take a trip somewhere, take a nice photo in front of a local historical building, then the kids get really annoying and we have to cancel the trip and go home. Again, a person looking at the photo will probably be impressed by what kind of trips we can make with the kids. So when I look at someone else's photo, I can do the reverse reasoning. The smiling guy on the photo? Maybe the whole day was actually quite bad, and he only had 5 minutes of fun. A photo taken on a ship? Seems nice, but maybe the trip was slow and boring, and the weather mostly bad. An attractive girl next to him? Maybe he spent five minutes talking with her, and the rest of the day traveling or siting at various meetings. Or maybe not; the point is that the nicest possible scenario is only one of the possibilities.

gen220 7y ago
Have you read Knausgaard, by chance? Something about your writing evoked him for me in a good way. It's sort of off-topic, but reading his books in my early 20s was a huge revelation for me; something like "Oh, it actually doesn't get much 'easier' when you grow up. You still deal with things as they arise, and continue to sort of meander your way between the present moment and nostalgia, between joy and pain." In a way, it was rather calming to know that "Adults" with "Kids" are just Us with 5-10 more years of good and bad decisions. Relaxing to know that we wouldn't suddenly be expected to miraculously do everything correctly. :) It had made me more aware of the fakeness you describe, but it also compels me to marvel at those older people I meet who have consistently invested in their life’s garden: pruning and fertilizing, sowing and reaping, apparently against our natural inclinations to let it all grow wild.
chrshawkes 7y ago
"When I take a picture on camera, I sometimes realize that a person looking at the picture will probably imagine something much better than reality." I'm a parent and I think you raise a good point but I think most parents see right through that. :) Most photos and even YouTube videos are completely fake and doctored. The filters amplify this even more. Although my pics with my children were not filled with happiness the entire time, they are the happiest and proudest moments of my life (some of them, not all). I've played the entrepreneurial game for a long time. I found success and won awards along the way. The time spent with my children is more important than all of that. It's a fine balance though. Nobody wants to be a loser, so we're forced to work harder than the next guy/girl.