14 ms·
It's Never Too Late to Be Successful and Happy
- senectus1 7y agodecent advice.
- provolone 7y agoCharles Bukowski immediately came to mind while reading the list of late bloomers.
- quickthrower2 7y agoRay Kroc, Walter White too
- foldingmoney 7y agoRay Kroc was already a successful salesman by most ordinary standards, and then became extraordinarily successful. Walter White narrowly missed out on a place as a co-founder of a multi-billion dollar pharmaceutical company. Neither is really a late bloomer.
- puranjay 7y agoBukowski isn't the best example because while he became successful late in life, he'd been working on his craft for decades earlier. He didn't take up writing at 50; he just started getting published at 50. He already had decades of experience. If Bukowski had never written a thing until he was 45, then it would make sense
- provolone 7y agoHe wrote of being refused by publishers when he was younger. It was his perseverance that brought him through. He never gave up on writing or drinking.
- dasyatidprime 7y agoOkay, sure, but: many physical attributes, social perceptions, and pervasive mental habits probably do become increasingly solidified, even if fatalism about it is counterproductive. Sure, there's plenty of late bloomers, but how many of them do you get from a broken late starting point, and how many do you get from people who worked slowly and methodically and did the right slow things earlier on, taking care of their minds, bodies, social connections, growing their resources, gaining experiences, broadening and/or fine-tuning their abilities, and so on? Do fit/rich/popular/etc. 35-year-olds regularly get there from a truly broken (including internally!) state at 31, or is it more that they actually took all the advice about regular exercise/investing/graciousness/etc. back when they were 25, kept taking it, and maybe despaired in the moment about it not seeming to work while actually stacking up tons of invisible long-term bonuses? I'm trying to come off about a decade of poor habits myself, due to a number of factors which are undoubtedly my responsibility but which it's not clear whether I could have realistically avoided. I've had some minor successes but have never really stabilized so far, including in all the little things like the above. I don't usually see this case handled clearly in the “it's okay to be a late bloomer!” inspiration crowd. (More personally, it doesn't help that the things I most want to do in life probably require being exceptional in specific ways that I'm not sure I can predict in advance and not just “successful” in a generic sort of way, and beyond a certain limited extent, I don't consider the wanting-what-I-have approach to be a viable one (except insofar as having that attitude on the face of things may make it more likely to reach my original desires anyway).) I'm trying to convince myself to try anyway and it's hellishly difficult.
- cecilpl2 7y ago> I'm trying to convince myself to try anyway What else are you going to do? You are where you are right now, and you can either put in the effort to make your life better or you can give up now. The time's going to pass anyway, you might as well make the most of it.
- dasyatidprime 7y agoIf that worked enough of the time, articles like the OP wouldn't get written much. Emotionally speaking, giving up is actually a pretty sticky idea! The potential for putting a pile of effort in, finding it wasn't really enough, and being confronted afterward with all the things you did wrong with no chance to correct them now is paralyzing; it's “safer” in a way to not try, never know, and only experience the one, easily-dampened gnawing failure of having wandered off the path, rather than having a hundred different failures confirmed through hard work and inadequacy. I think a lot of people experience this in at least some areas of life, and it's a big source of deciding to lowball, or of blaming the environment (which isn't always factually false, but I'm referring to the emotional interpretation) or making various rationalizations surrounding “talent” or whatnot. So cognitively I know that's a common problem with an obvious answer, but it doesn't mean I can just skip to the end without convincing the rest of me.
- lanrh1836 7y agoThis makes the wrong assumption that happiness comes with success. Success doesn’t bring happiness. If anything, being happy in the first place is what gives you a better chance at achieving success.
- deleted 7y ago[deleted]
- puranjay 7y agoThat's a great way of looking at it!
- kranner 7y agoEven in day to day life, in my personal experience, being happy results in a creative, productive day full of happy curiosity in which I get a lot done and plan a lot of things to do in the future. Presumably that's the kind of day that builds to material success (if it's not what 'success' in itself looks like).
- keyle 7y agoExactly. Even the quote used: > “Comparison is the thief of joy.” —Theodore Roosevelt Isn't 'success' a form of comparison? How do you quantify success? Is it binary? Is it a validation from peers? Do your own thing, be excellent at it, have fun.
- throes_death 7y agoDevils advocate here. Hi! Is it necessary to excel to be successful and/or happy?
- abtinf 7y agoYes, within the bounds of your ability.
- mLuby 7y agoYes, but the thing you're excelling at may not be what it seems at first glance. It is possible to be excellent at enjoying a simple life (most of us are terrible at it). It is possible to enjoy being terrible at something because it's fun(ny) or reminds us of our youth.
- ziroshima 7y agoDon't compare yourself to others, compare yourself to yourself yesterday, last week, last month, last year. I don't know where this saying comes from, but to me, it's the only motivational saying that matters.
- tasty_freeze 7y agoThat might work for some people, especially in the phase of life where things are on the upswing. But when you get to be 60 or 70, it is important to find satisfaction in other ways too, since for the great majority of people, comparing to what you used to be capable of will lead to a bad outcome. In retirement many people have to face the question for the first time, "Who am I?" Before retirement it was easy to answer the thought with your job description, but really that is what you do, not who you are. I think it would be beneficial to ask questions like that before getting to retirement so the transition isn't so jarring, and you might find it causes you to reevaluate your priorities. "Does what I do make the world better, or does it just make a paycheck?" "Will what I do make a difference after I'm gone?" "Who would care if I disappeared tomorrow?" "When I'm on my death bed, what will I regret having done? Not done?" etc These questions don't have to result in an all-consuming angst, but it is important to think about them at least a bit every once in a while.
- superqd 7y agoYeah, I totally suffer from this far too much. Intellectually, I understand that much of the success of my peers of which I'm envious, has nothing to do with my abilities, per se, but more to do with luck and personality differences. I am who I am, and that affects the probabilities of who I meet and when, and what opportunities I'm willing to chase when they arise. I know this, and realize the, primarily, financial success of my peers does not imply that I'm a failure. But. It sure feels like I'm a failure. Mostly because of the expectation that I was supposed to succeed sooner. But, as the article states, I do try to remember to compare my current self to my past self instead. When I do that, I can objectively see great life improvements and milestones achieved. Just not at the same times as others I know. I have to constantly remind myself all the time of the sort of advice found in this article: to realize just how far I've come on my own journey, and that the journey is far from over.
- puranjay 7y agoHave you ever seen the kind of backgrounds people who are frequently lauded in the media for being successful early come from? Most had some luxuries that you probably did not - wealthy parents, extensive training in their chosen field, etc. It's not always about talent. Knowing that your parents have millions allows you to think in a way someone struggling to pay rent can't. I wasn't able to think long-term and actually build something until I hit my late 20s. Until then, I couldn't think past the short-term goal of just making money.
- deleted 7y ago[deleted]
- deleted 7y ago[deleted]
- superqd 7y agoThat is very true. I grew up relatively poor (we were the kids with literal holes in our shoes going to school, free lunch program, etc), and didn't get my first computer till I was 26. I didn't get it till I was 26 not because I couldn't afford it (I was the first in my extended family to go to college, and I got a physics degree), but because I was so used to not buying/having things cause that's how I grew up. When I was 26, I had already been working for a few years (left grad school to work full time), and was like, wait, I could totally buy my own cool stuff now.
- spraak 7y agoAs a Hindu who believes in reincarnation, it gives me a sort of patience that certain things may not be possible for me this lifetime, and that's ok. It doesn't make me try for any less, but I am less attached to the outcome.
- Ididntdothis 7y agoSame here. I am not really a Buddhist and don't really believe in reincarnation but it still gives me a sense of peace that maybe this life is not really that important. rationally it doesn't make sense but it gives me peace.
- yks 7y agoThe notion that this life is not really that important is the only rational conclusion we can make
- fulafel 7y agoLanguage question as non-native speaker: (M-W) dictionary definition of "success" refers to "succeed" which goes.. "1a : to come next after another in office or position or in possession of an estate especially : to inherit sovereignty, rank, or title " and "2a : to turn out well, b : to attain a desired object or end " When people use the word to mean securing a good position in a corporation, are they consciously using the 1a definition? In casual use I always thought it's just a practical word to mean whether you attained your goal in a specific contextz, so general "success" should naturally mean whether you are content with your life.
- HeyLaughingBoy 7y agoNo, they're using the 2a definition. Office in this sense does not mean "room in a building."
- kadira 7y agoI think you need a better dictionary. https://www.google.com/search?hl=en&q=define%20success https://www.google.com/search?hl=en&q=define%20success
- dasyatidprime 7y agoIt's usually meaning 2, but “success” as applied to life can refer by contextual metonymy to success in any number of areas of life, so securing a good position in a corporation can be considered a particular form of success. Career-oriented advice shows up a lot on HN, in which career-focused successes are likely to come up as central examples of the idea of life success, even though they aren't necessarily a representative class of all successes.
- obastani 7y agoThe more common usage is 2a/b, as you point out. I believe "success" is specifically derived from this meaning of "succeed", not 1a. Typically, securing a position in a company is still in the sense of definition 2a/b. As far as I know, the definition 1a is unrelated and specifically meant to describe sequence relations, usually for positions of power. For example, "Trump succeeded Obama as president" means Trump became president after Obama. Related words are "succession" (e.g., "succession of the throne" refers to the process of transferring power in a monarchy), "successor" (e.g., the successor function in mathematics takes an integer n and returns n+1), and "precede" (the antonym of "succeed").
- ratsmack 7y agoI don't believe everyone's definition of success and happiness is the same. Some people feel successful with simple achievements where others need large achievements to meet their goal of success. It's a similar situation with happiness which is achieved with considerable variability between individuals.
- sidcool 7y agoPosts like these give me some hope. I am 37 and lost. The work and career which once brought pleasure now seems drudgery. The daily morning battle is: "Is it worth it?". There is no answer to the question.
- tonymet 7y agomind if I ask what changed?
- sidcool 7y agoI wish I could figure out. My best guesses are: 1. I am getting older and not doing anything remotely impactful. 2. People half my age know all the programming I know. I don't bring anything special to the table. 3. Is this what life is all about? Now, I don't say the problem is with the world. Something could be wrong with me. But damned if I know.
- deleted 7y ago[deleted]
- solresol 7y agoI have nothing to do with this thread, but felt like answering anyway... 1. Very few people leave a legacy. The people that do often didn't do it deliberately or intentionally. 2. They don't. There might be a few people half your age that know as much about programming as you do, but the majority don't. In any case, you are the worst person to judge what special thing you bring to the table. Go and ask one of these young people that you fear / respect / admire / think are knowledgeable and ask them to tell you what value you bring. The answer will surprise you. 3. A lot of people have pondered the meaning of life. Opinions differ on whether we've made any progress on that question. It's OK to go on a journey of "spiritual discovery" at 37; it doesn't require heading overseas to a monastery.
- sidcool 7y agoThanks for your reply. I would love to take a break and explore the spiritual side of me, but it would need too much of rearranging my life and it may not be worth it. As such I am scared of drastic change, this would just add to the anxiety. Anything I can do with my current flow of life?
- tonymet 7y agoFind joy in the pursuit rather than the goal.
- lifeisstillgood 7y agoSo is there room for a "50 over 50" list of tech startup founders?
- zafka 7y agoNot sure about the need for the list, but I can envision being there.
- SpaceInvader 7y agoAside of success != happiness - I really do NOT know what I'm supposed to do. I'm in corporate world since 2005, I'm doing OK, but not great and I'm dreaming of success, which to me means: 1. work for myself, not for any company - that's hard to start because of mortgage and kids which are taking 90% of my free time 2. Earn around the same money I have now 3. Have something that can grow, doesn't have to be fast growing, just a bit quicker than inflation.
- tomatocracy 7y agoFeels like what you need to do is to work on creating a safety net for yourself so that you can take a risk when the time comes and you can take a short term pay cut without impacting on your family's lifestyle. View this as part of the longer term project. So, instead of thinking 'how do I make as much money working for myself as I do now', think about building up savings and investments so that in future you can afford to take a pay cut without cutting your lifestyle too much. Try to limit the inevitable lifestyle creep if you get pay rises or promotions so you are saving more than you spend of the increase. Then focus on broadening your network in the job you are doing at the moment. This might or might not be helpful in your future endeavours but again it gives you a better safety net - so that if it doesn't work out then you are morel likely to be able to quickly get a job to fall back on. Finally, assuming you're not a single parent, could your partner step up more if the need arose financially? Are there things you could do to improve the value of that safety net?
- stevewodil 7y agoPassive income... Buy rental properties on the next real estate crash
- JacKTrocinskI 7y agoFor those that say success != happiness, I'm on your side but... know your worth, don't let others leech off your work, not give you adequate pay, or dangle promises of a promotion for years on end. It's one thing to like what you do and be happy doing it and it's another thing to be successful. It is my opinion that people will bank off your talents if you let them and I think that that will eventually make any person unhappy and possibly kill your drive for doing what you like.
- codeisawesome 7y agoMixed feelings on this post. I like the author's insistence on late success being something worthy of striving for, but there's still a significant amount of bitterness in the form of "oh look at those poor souls with early success, it destroyed their life, good thing we're not like that huh" which is a toxic way to feel good/inspired.
- msiyer 7y agoLife is a zero-sum game. Give your full attention to whatever it is that you are doing at the moment - mopping the floor or solving partial differential equations. Live.
- RickJWagner 7y agoThere's some powerful truth here. Never give up. Always be striving. Be grateful for the things you have, and it's not bad to be working for something a little bit better. This kind of thinking will lead to a fulfilling life.
- aiyodev 7y agoThat’s all well and good but I don’t see how having confidence will help. When you’re sitting in an interview being questioned why you’re 40 applying for an entry level position are you supposed to explain that they’re wrong for asking? Success is a function of social status and higher class people don’t have the setbacks you find on poor people’s resumes. You can waste years studying to be a software engineer and end up unemployed because you’re too old.