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I've dealt with my share through the years... the most problematic asshole I encountered was definitely in the 'unintentional' mold: friendly, outgoing, always

I've dealt with my share through the years... the most problematic asshole I encountered was definitely in the 'unintentional' mold: friendly, outgoing, always willing to help others... So what made this person an asshole? They WOULD NOT LET GO their solution to a problem. If the team agreed on another approach, every planning meeting or conversation for the next month got derailed to rehash why this persons' idea was the best, and why we should change our decision. If we held to the original decision, this person would call team meetings with PO and PM 'to help resolve the issue'. This person didn't badger juniors. On the contrary, this person would have side conversations with the most junior devs to get them 'onside', then come to the senior devs with "the rest of us have been talking and we think the way forward is X". Caused a lot of divisiveness on our team before getting fired.

ordinaryperson 7y ago
Yes, this is a better point than the one the OP was making: while everyone can agree assholes are bad it's not always easy to spot them. Similar to your experience: I had a colleague who was extremely negative. Everything was horrible, every manager was stupid. Nothing was done right, ever. We never worked on the right project and if we did we never did it the right way, according to him. I think he just valued his role as a contrarian: if everyone else was wrong all the time it meant he was always right, that he knew better and more than the rest of us. I used to tell him if he hated things that he should suggest better ways of doing things to management or, if all else fails, find a new role or new company that would make him happier. But he never did, he just liked complaining and/or making others miserable. But he didn't walk around with a sign that said "asshole" -- he could be polite and friendly and well-adjusted during the normal course of a work day. Then what do you do? Do you engage the person and argue with them? Ignore them and hope the problem goes away? We all know toxic coworkers exist, the question is how to change their behavior or deal with them effectively.

ordinaryperson 7y ago

Yes, this is a better point than the one the OP was making: while everyone can agree assholes are bad it's not always easy to spot them. Similar to your experience: I had a colleague who was extremely negative. Everything was horrible, every manager was stupid. Nothing was done right, ever. We never worked on the right project and if we did we never did it the right way, according to him. I think he just valued his role as a contrarian: if everyone else was wrong all the time it meant he was always right, that he knew better and more than the rest of us. I used to tell him if he hated things that he should suggest better ways of doing things to management or, if all else fails, find a new role or new company that would make him happier. But he never did, he just liked complaining and/or making others miserable. But he didn't walk around with a sign that said "asshole" -- he could be polite and friendly and well-adjusted during the normal course of a work day. Then what do you do? Do you engage the person and argue with them? Ignore them and hope the problem goes away? We all know toxic coworkers exist, the question is how to change their behavior or deal with them effectively.