(Thanks for carrying on this conversation by the way, I have found it interesting.) The fact of the matter is that not everybody wants to provide you feedback

(Thanks for carrying on this conversation by the way, I have found it interesting.) The fact of the matter is that not everybody wants to provide you feedback (positive or negative!) directly to you, regardless of your principles. You're swimming upstream against human nature. Some people won't believe that it won't affect your relationship and some people just feel that it's awkward to have those conversations directly. These are normal human concerns, there is nothing nefarious or gossipy about it. Managers can grease the skids. I think maybe we've hit on the misalignment. I'm not taking about managing junior developers... My work does not resemble brick laying. There is no single output artifact that my manager can look at to determine how I have performed. Working with other people and teams is a big part of my job. The best way to get insight into how I've performed in my work with those people is to hear it from them. For what it's worth, I think your thing about friendships is a misdiagnosis of the problem. I also made lots of life long friends at work a decade ago and now don't anymore. But I don't think it is my workplace culture that's changed; it's just me, I've gotten older and less open to new people.