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I'm not sure why you're getting downvoted. This seems like a reasonable question to at least ponder.

DoreenMichele 7y ago
Thanks. I basically posit that the question of sex that hangs in the air is a huge stumbling block for women. Most men know that if they are being friendly and establishing trust, this is a platonic relationship. When men and women try to be friendly and establish trust, it is easily confused for romantic behavior. And it complicates the hell out of things. Men are very reticent to give women meaty constructive feedback. When they do, women feel attacked instead of aided. Etc. Women have much less opportunity to get casual nudges for their idea over drinks or whatever and women seem to much more often get feedback too late in the process, causing the need for very expensive major pivots instead of smaller tweaks at an earlier stage adequately changing the vector, or they get nothing but positive feedback and pats on the head like they are emotionally fragile and can't handle the truth. The result is that they have enormous difficulty doing anything worthwhile. Sometimes women will marry the right guy and he will make a good business partner or sometimes they seem to do well starting businesses with their adult sons. But if you are a woman and not lucky enough to have one of those two scenarios, you face this huge uphill battle because so much of what is known about business is known by men and they mostly don't seem to share it with women. I get tired of the same points being endlessly rehashed. People debate if women just lack interest or spend too much time raising children or on and on. I actually want to get things done, including make adequate money. I can't find the answers I need and no one wants to engage those questions. I've tried. For years. I mostly get feedback that indicates I bother people and should stop being so annoying with my stupid girly questions.
- xiaolingxiao 7y ago
  As a guy how should I approach this? I actually think women in their early to mid 20s (my peers) are more qualified to star business than most guys, because they “get it” sooner, where as guys take a bit. But you’re right when I develop relationship with women it can come off as something else. Unless I’m very very professional, which frankly puts a layer of ice between people so not ideal either.
  - DoreenMichele 7y ago
    The only thing I have found that seems to go anywhere is focus on the work, not the person. Give actual feedback on the actual project, not on her feelings, her confidence or whatever. When I get frustrated and start expressing my feelings on HN, I routinely get sympathetic, emotionally supportive noises of the "atta girl" sort. What I need is actual engagement and that's much, much, much harder to come by. Feelings come from somewhere. If I got what I actually needed, I wouldn't be having a hissy. Is that at all clear?
    - xiaolingxiao 7y ago
      Yes kind of, but I do find a lot of people especially smart people do have confidence issues. So that’s actually what A good coach does, give you confidence, I had that and want to pass it forward. See I think focus too much on the work itself at the expense of the other persons feelings is not ideal either, so much of the stuff we do have emotional underpinnings so adressing it would be nice, I.e. low confidence. But maybe I’m overthinking it.
      - DoreenMichele 7y ago
        I think of confidence in terms of statistical confidence. You can give people good feedback on how to determine if this is a good bet without getting all personal and emotional about it. That doesn't mean you can't ever say anything about them. There are situations where a statement like "Yes, but you have x track record of performance." is pertinent objective feedback. What I find problematic is men want to engage me emotionally. They want an emotional connection. They treat me like a vending machine of guaranteed good feelings. And it has nothing to do with helping me accomplish something. It often actively interferes.
        xiaolingxiao 7y ago
        Oh I see I thought confidence as in like self belief. And yeah you bring up an interesting situation. So to summarize all the talk should be work centered right?
- deleted 7y ago
  [deleted]

Thanks. I basically posit that the question of sex that hangs in the air is a huge stumbling block for women. Most men know that if they are being friendly and establishing trust, this is a platonic relationship. When men and women try to be friendly and establish trust, it is easily confused for romantic behavior. And it complicates the hell out of things. Men are very reticent to give women meaty constructive feedback. When they do, women feel attacked instead of aided. Etc. Women have much less opportunity to get casual nudges for their idea over drinks or whatever and women seem to much more often get feedback too late in the process, causing the need for very expensive major pivots instead of smaller tweaks at an earlier stage adequately changing the vector, or they get nothing but positive feedback and pats on the head like they are emotionally fragile and can't handle the truth. The result is that they have enormous difficulty doing anything worthwhile. Sometimes women will marry the right guy and he will make a good business partner or sometimes they seem to do well starting businesses with their adult sons. But if you are a woman and not lucky enough to have one of those two scenarios, you face this huge uphill battle because so much of what is known about business is known by men and they mostly don't seem to share it with women. I get tired of the same points being endlessly rehashed. People debate if women just lack interest or spend too much time raising children or on and on. I actually want to get things done, including make adequate money. I can't find the answers I need and no one wants to engage those questions. I've tried. For years. I mostly get feedback that indicates I bother people and should stop being so annoying with my stupid girly questions.

xiaolingxiao 7y ago
As a guy how should I approach this? I actually think women in their early to mid 20s (my peers) are more qualified to star business than most guys, because they “get it” sooner, where as guys take a bit. But you’re right when I develop relationship with women it can come off as something else. Unless I’m very very professional, which frankly puts a layer of ice between people so not ideal either.
- DoreenMichele 7y ago
  The only thing I have found that seems to go anywhere is focus on the work, not the person. Give actual feedback on the actual project, not on her feelings, her confidence or whatever. When I get frustrated and start expressing my feelings on HN, I routinely get sympathetic, emotionally supportive noises of the "atta girl" sort. What I need is actual engagement and that's much, much, much harder to come by. Feelings come from somewhere. If I got what I actually needed, I wouldn't be having a hissy. Is that at all clear?
  - xiaolingxiao 7y ago
    Yes kind of, but I do find a lot of people especially smart people do have confidence issues. So that’s actually what A good coach does, give you confidence, I had that and want to pass it forward. See I think focus too much on the work itself at the expense of the other persons feelings is not ideal either, so much of the stuff we do have emotional underpinnings so adressing it would be nice, I.e. low confidence. But maybe I’m overthinking it.
    - DoreenMichele 7y ago
      I think of confidence in terms of statistical confidence. You can give people good feedback on how to determine if this is a good bet without getting all personal and emotional about it. That doesn't mean you can't ever say anything about them. There are situations where a statement like "Yes, but you have x track record of performance." is pertinent objective feedback. What I find problematic is men want to engage me emotionally. They want an emotional connection. They treat me like a vending machine of guaranteed good feelings. And it has nothing to do with helping me accomplish something. It often actively interferes.
      - xiaolingxiao 7y ago
        Oh I see I thought confidence as in like self belief. And yeah you bring up an interesting situation. So to summarize all the talk should be work centered right?
deleted 7y ago
[deleted]