3 ms·

A friend of mine is affected by this, combined with her innate hypochondriac tendencies it makes her life very difficult and her sense of self-worth and confide

by dreen 7y ago

A friend of mine is affected by this, combined with her innate hypochondriac tendencies it makes her life very difficult and her sense of self-worth and confidence very low. However, I am at a loss as to how to approach her to help her. Trying to convey this to her would sound more like an accusation of hypochondria.

hinkley 7y ago
From what I understand, it can be helpful to get people to think about themselves in the third person. We can be much harder on ourselves than we would ever be on a friend, and if you can get her to think about her own set of problems as if they were yours, what sort of advice would she offer you? We get wrapped up in a set of outcomes and every setback feels like a harbinger of doom. I saw a retweet recently from someone with chronic fatigue who wished they could go back in time and use their dwindling energy to set themselves up for the future instead of spending everything on trying to 'get back to normal so they could start their life again'. Look at where you are. What could you do this week or month to get to something you could live with or even enjoy? Don't let the perfect be the enemy of the good. He says, realizing he needs to follow the same advice...
klyrs 7y ago
This sounds very much like my ex. I thought I could help them. For a long time, I did... think I was helping. When a sequence of tragedies struck, I found myself needing help. We deteriorated quickly, as their self-worth was propped upon mine, which was defined in large part by my ability to help. We didn't have external support and we both crumbled. I wish I could tell you how to help your friend. What my spouse needed was therapy from a professional, who could maintain appropriate boundaries -- I wasn't, and couldn't. The awful thing I learned about 'hypochondria' is that psychosomatic effects, and stress, can have real physical consequences. I never did learn how to navigate that conversation without causing distress

by dreen 7y ago

hinkley 7y ago

From what I understand, it can be helpful to get people to think about themselves in the third person. We can be much harder on ourselves than we would ever be on a friend, and if you can get her to think about her own set of problems as if they were yours, what sort of advice would she offer you? We get wrapped up in a set of outcomes and every setback feels like a harbinger of doom. I saw a retweet recently from someone with chronic fatigue who wished they could go back in time and use their dwindling energy to set themselves up for the future instead of spending everything on trying to 'get back to normal so they could start their life again'. Look at where you are. What could you do this week or month to get to something you could live with or even enjoy? Don't let the perfect be the enemy of the good. He says, realizing he needs to follow the same advice...

klyrs 7y ago

This sounds very much like my ex. I thought I could help them. For a long time, I did... think I was helping. When a sequence of tragedies struck, I found myself needing help. We deteriorated quickly, as their self-worth was propped upon mine, which was defined in large part by my ability to help. We didn't have external support and we both crumbled. I wish I could tell you how to help your friend. What my spouse needed was therapy from a professional, who could maintain appropriate boundaries -- I wasn't, and couldn't. The awful thing I learned about 'hypochondria' is that psychosomatic effects, and stress, can have real physical consequences. I never did learn how to navigate that conversation without causing distress