What you describe is the core issue in existentialist philosophy. Being free means having the freedom to choose the meaning for yourself. That kind of freedom

What you describe is the core issue in existentialist philosophy. Being free means having the freedom to choose the meaning for yourself. That kind of freedom of purpose and ultimate responsibility can be horrifying. " Meaning is everywhere. There is always meaning. Or at least all things show a disturbing tendency to have meaning ascribed to them when intelligent creatures are present. It’s just that there’s no final Meaning, with a capital M. Though the illusion that there might be is comforting for a certain class of mind. " -- Iain M. Banks, The Hydrogen Sonata