4 ms·

If I really stretched my imagination, maybe 'She's worked so hard and did so well for our company, maybe she deserves to take a nice vacation, here's the most p

If I really stretched my imagination, maybe 'She's worked so hard and did so well for our company, maybe she deserves to take a nice vacation, here's the most popular book for women to symbolize that'.

mc32 7y ago
So ten years ago it would have been “the sisterhood of the traveling pants.”
protomyth 7y ago
You are putting a bit too much thought into the decision making. I figure someone walked into the book store and picked the book from the first bestseller display. Never attribute to malice or ignorance what can adequately explained by lazy.
- eli 7y ago
  It is very common for abusive people to exploit this attitude and commit acts that are clearly over the line but have some barely plausible innocent explanation. Gaslighting the victim is, perhaps, another intentional part of the abuse. You'd have to work pretty hard to convince me that gifting a young woman a sexually explicit novel is not malicious.
  - corodra 7y ago
    I didn't know 50 Shades of Grey was erotica until the movie trailers started hitting TV. Most guys had no clue about the book other than thinking it was a straight forward romance book. I could make the same claims against other people about how they can't tell the difference between spam and real emails or ad results and real results. I know because I'm consistently around it and I HAVE to know. It takes a level of maturity to understand that everyone else doesn't know what you may know.
    - scotty79 7y ago
      Romance books are just porn for women. Works for men too but for men it's easier to just look at some pictures.
    - eli 7y ago
      A “straight forward romance book” would still be inappropriate
      - corodra 7y ago
        Really? I gifted romance books before to women. Not publicly, since I've never been in a situation to do so. They've all been happy about it since I always get them something random that they would never pick. Or is it that people really don't gift books? I remember the original book cover to 50 Shades was like a tie or something. It actually looked like a "tasteful" book if you didn't know better. Literally, I would have picked that up for my mom in a similar situation, if she didn't own it already... I'm really thinking you're pushing a bias on the situation. Someone did something potentially nice, but in a lazy ass way. Like getting flowers for someone who is allergic to flowers. The laziness really bit them in the ass. It'd be the same if I told someone I liked horror and they got me Twilight because they heard it was about vampires and werewolves. That's a situation where you laugh your ass off about it and crack a joke.
        TheOtherHobbes 7y ago
        Firstly you shouldn't reward significant work achievements with a cheap book. That's tone deaf no matter what the book is. Secondly if you do pick a book, you can at least try to make it relevant to someone's actual professional competence - something useful, but not insultingly peppy. Thirdly if you're going to do that, you can ask them what they want, in a way that indicates you value their competence and opinion. Gifts and rewards are all about social signalling, hierarchies and statements of relative value. The messages are understood whether or not you're aware you're speaking that language. If you get it wrong, it's not just demotivating for the person, it's demotivating for everyone else too. And no, you don't have to be super-serious about it. Jokey gifts are fine, although riskier than something straight. If the culture can take it, they're a good choice. But you have to be very sure that is the culture.
  - pwodhouse 7y ago
    Depends on when. When the book first came out and Amazon did TV ads about moms in the bathtub reading it, I just thought it was a random popular chick lit book.
  - Veen 7y ago
    It was also a book that was enormously popular among women. At that time, if you were to randomly choose a book from the best-seller list, there’s a good chance you’d land on Shades of Grey.
    - eli 7y ago
      Lots of popular things would be inappropriate gifts in a work setting. This is the "barely plausible" innocent explanation I was talking about.
      - Veen 7y ago
        We’ll have to agree to disagree about the plausibility. I consider it perfectly plausible that an assistant was dispatched to buy a book for a prize and, having no knowledge of the dire state of women’s popular literature, grabbed whatever topped the best sellers list.
  - dgellow 7y ago
    I don't know if you read it but the book is really soft on the erotic part.
  - protomyth 7y ago
    Thinking about it, I would bet money that the book buying was staffed out. As many have pointed out, prior to the movie, it would take someone who cares to figure it out beyond its on the best seller list.
  - shinsheel 7y ago
    50 shades of Gray is perfect book for office manager to be "awww, you see, we are not so boring office hamsters, hehehe. We may be informal and naughty" I promise you, when people give a f*ck about you they don't gift you the most plastic overhyped book they can find you don't even need to open.
- corodra 7y ago
  Yea, people do this all the time with kids too. They pick up the first thing that's either popular or they see as "child appropriate". It's just laziness. It's not hard to think adults do it to other adults. Especially if they think the whole thing is pointless to begin with.
- mcguire 7y ago
  Someone who didn't care about causing a sexual harassment complaint and couldn't be arsed to flip through the book?

mc32 7y ago

So ten years ago it would have been “the sisterhood of the traveling pants.”

protomyth 7y ago

You are putting a bit too much thought into the decision making. I figure someone walked into the book store and picked the book from the first bestseller display. Never attribute to malice or ignorance what can adequately explained by lazy.

eli 7y ago
It is very common for abusive people to exploit this attitude and commit acts that are clearly over the line but have some barely plausible innocent explanation. Gaslighting the victim is, perhaps, another intentional part of the abuse. You'd have to work pretty hard to convince me that gifting a young woman a sexually explicit novel is not malicious.
- corodra 7y ago
  I didn't know 50 Shades of Grey was erotica until the movie trailers started hitting TV. Most guys had no clue about the book other than thinking it was a straight forward romance book. I could make the same claims against other people about how they can't tell the difference between spam and real emails or ad results and real results. I know because I'm consistently around it and I HAVE to know. It takes a level of maturity to understand that everyone else doesn't know what you may know.
  - scotty79 7y ago
    Romance books are just porn for women. Works for men too but for men it's easier to just look at some pictures.
  - eli 7y ago
    A “straight forward romance book” would still be inappropriate
    - corodra 7y ago
      Really? I gifted romance books before to women. Not publicly, since I've never been in a situation to do so. They've all been happy about it since I always get them something random that they would never pick. Or is it that people really don't gift books? I remember the original book cover to 50 Shades was like a tie or something. It actually looked like a "tasteful" book if you didn't know better. Literally, I would have picked that up for my mom in a similar situation, if she didn't own it already... I'm really thinking you're pushing a bias on the situation. Someone did something potentially nice, but in a lazy ass way. Like getting flowers for someone who is allergic to flowers. The laziness really bit them in the ass. It'd be the same if I told someone I liked horror and they got me Twilight because they heard it was about vampires and werewolves. That's a situation where you laugh your ass off about it and crack a joke.
      - TheOtherHobbes 7y ago
        Firstly you shouldn't reward significant work achievements with a cheap book. That's tone deaf no matter what the book is. Secondly if you do pick a book, you can at least try to make it relevant to someone's actual professional competence - something useful, but not insultingly peppy. Thirdly if you're going to do that, you can ask them what they want, in a way that indicates you value their competence and opinion. Gifts and rewards are all about social signalling, hierarchies and statements of relative value. The messages are understood whether or not you're aware you're speaking that language. If you get it wrong, it's not just demotivating for the person, it's demotivating for everyone else too. And no, you don't have to be super-serious about it. Jokey gifts are fine, although riskier than something straight. If the culture can take it, they're a good choice. But you have to be very sure that is the culture.
- pwodhouse 7y ago
  Depends on when. When the book first came out and Amazon did TV ads about moms in the bathtub reading it, I just thought it was a random popular chick lit book.
- Veen 7y ago
  It was also a book that was enormously popular among women. At that time, if you were to randomly choose a book from the best-seller list, there’s a good chance you’d land on Shades of Grey.
  - eli 7y ago
    Lots of popular things would be inappropriate gifts in a work setting. This is the "barely plausible" innocent explanation I was talking about.
    - Veen 7y ago
      We’ll have to agree to disagree about the plausibility. I consider it perfectly plausible that an assistant was dispatched to buy a book for a prize and, having no knowledge of the dire state of women’s popular literature, grabbed whatever topped the best sellers list.
- dgellow 7y ago
  I don't know if you read it but the book is really soft on the erotic part.
- protomyth 7y ago
  Thinking about it, I would bet money that the book buying was staffed out. As many have pointed out, prior to the movie, it would take someone who cares to figure it out beyond its on the best seller list.
- shinsheel 7y ago
  50 shades of Gray is perfect book for office manager to be "awww, you see, we are not so boring office hamsters, hehehe. We may be informal and naughty" I promise you, when people give a f*ck about you they don't gift you the most plastic overhyped book they can find you don't even need to open.
corodra 7y ago
Yea, people do this all the time with kids too. They pick up the first thing that's either popular or they see as "child appropriate". It's just laziness. It's not hard to think adults do it to other adults. Especially if they think the whole thing is pointless to begin with.
mcguire 7y ago
Someone who didn't care about causing a sexual harassment complaint and couldn't be arsed to flip through the book?