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>Like others his age, Gill says that his close friendships from high school and college have atrophied, not only because of the distance but because of their mu

by Funes- 7y ago

>Like others his age, Gill says that his close friendships from high school and college have atrophied, not only because of the distance but because of their mutual aversion to talking on the phone. I'll take the liberty to illustrate my own experience: my number of friendships and acquaintances has incredibly declined not because of any personal aversion to voicecalls, but to texting and social media. I've noticed how, gradually, people I'm frequently around have grown more and more reluctant not only to pick up a phone call but also--and more importantly--to engage in face-to-face interaction, something I find absolutely essential to fulfill one's social needs to a deeply satisfying extent. Not having an online, public presence makes you irrelevant to a lot of people. In some countries, for example, not using WhatsApp is plain social suicide.

tluyben2 7y ago
Maybe I am reading this wrong, but I guess I have the opposite experience. With phonecalls I had issues because I have serious tinnitus and have had that since I was young (played in metal bands and was a real man so no earplugs...). Since chatting became normal I made more solid friendships then I ever did in person and definitely then on the phone. I chat like we are sitting together which people find akward at first but then they seem to like it. It is not very different after a while if it is face to face vs writing 1000s of lines of text in some chat client. And the conversations are usually more profound; no noise, no drinking and time to ponder answers and questions. Face to face I personally still prefer but I notice my younger friends do not and that is fine. I have been making (and losing them as well; especially the ones I made in my teens: we have nothing at all in common anymore mostly) real friends (as in people that click fast and you talk with day and night if the opportunity is there) over 30 and over 40; those were met online via sideprojects, company buys and sells and some of them I have never met.
- kazagistar 7y ago
  > no noise, no drinking I strongly recommend casual wandering walks for anyone without mobility issues as a bar replacement. I don't even remember where I picked up the habit, but I never was really introduced to bars until later, and they always seemed inferior and have shown a few of my friends the benefits of walking around outside and having a chat (sobriety optional).
  - anon4242 7y ago
    I definitely second this! Talking while walking with one other person lets you focus on the actual talking without distractions. Other people butting in and interrupting is no longer an issue. Things like eye-contact-management, what-to-do-with-my-hands-management becomes unnecessary, you can simply shutdown those parts of your brain and focus on the conversation at hand.
  - tluyben2 7y ago
    These days, when I meet friends face to face, it is on long walks in nature or the city; we hardly ever sit down. The bar/party thing was referring to what most people around here prefer when meeting ‘friends’ (close personal acquaintances) so it is hard to break that if people are stuck in that. Especially for people who have fulltime jobs, around here, outside the job you either vacation with the family or are in a bar.

by Funes- 7y ago

tluyben2 7y ago

Maybe I am reading this wrong, but I guess I have the opposite experience. With phonecalls I had issues because I have serious tinnitus and have had that since I was young (played in metal bands and was a real man so no earplugs...). Since chatting became normal I made more solid friendships then I ever did in person and definitely then on the phone. I chat like we are sitting together which people find akward at first but then they seem to like it. It is not very different after a while if it is face to face vs writing 1000s of lines of text in some chat client. And the conversations are usually more profound; no noise, no drinking and time to ponder answers and questions. Face to face I personally still prefer but I notice my younger friends do not and that is fine. I have been making (and losing them as well; especially the ones I made in my teens: we have nothing at all in common anymore mostly) real friends (as in people that click fast and you talk with day and night if the opportunity is there) over 30 and over 40; those were met online via sideprojects, company buys and sells and some of them I have never met.

kazagistar 7y ago
> no noise, no drinking I strongly recommend casual wandering walks for anyone without mobility issues as a bar replacement. I don't even remember where I picked up the habit, but I never was really introduced to bars until later, and they always seemed inferior and have shown a few of my friends the benefits of walking around outside and having a chat (sobriety optional).
- anon4242 7y ago
  I definitely second this! Talking while walking with one other person lets you focus on the actual talking without distractions. Other people butting in and interrupting is no longer an issue. Things like eye-contact-management, what-to-do-with-my-hands-management becomes unnecessary, you can simply shutdown those parts of your brain and focus on the conversation at hand.
- tluyben2 7y ago
  These days, when I meet friends face to face, it is on long walks in nature or the city; we hardly ever sit down. The bar/party thing was referring to what most people around here prefer when meeting ‘friends’ (close personal acquaintances) so it is hard to break that if people are stuck in that. Especially for people who have fulltime jobs, around here, outside the job you either vacation with the family or are in a bar.