18 ms·

I'm honestly so jealous of the husband's situation. 7-figure networth before hitting 30, a 4-bedroom home in a major tech hub, and a compulsively frugal wife wh

by xenihn 7y ago

I'm honestly so jealous of the husband's situation. 7-figure networth before hitting 30, a 4-bedroom home in a major tech hub, and a compulsively frugal wife who is obsessed with financial planning and amplifying your shared incomes/networths. The dream. This article just feels like a vector to drive traffic towards her sites, though.

barrkel 7y ago
It might be a dream if the feeling of security, of having assets, money in the bank, is the thing that's missing in your life. That'll be the case to the degree that you were insecure and poor as a child, I'd expect. I grew up poor, but not as poor as the lady in the article. And it was in Ireland, so there was a social security net, my college degree was paid for, etc. So I feel comfy enough once I have a year's take-home income in the bank. Past that point I feel good spending money on things my partner and I enjoy, things we may not have time for if we have kids or might not be able to do at all when we get old. Working hard is only good if the work in itself is rewarding, or the money buys you things that are rewarding. Money in itself doesn't really have that allure. A six or seven figure bank account wouldn't excite me - I've spent the best part of a million pounds since I started my career, and certainly don't regret not saving it.
- nugget 7y ago
  Proponents of financial independence would say that high savings rates eventually buy you control over your own time which is one of the most rewarding things in the world.
  - pm90 7y ago
    It depends on specific circumstances though doesn’t it? The view of these proponents is usually that if you can max out savings for 10 years or so by living extremely frugally, the next 40 or 50 years of your life can be lived without having to seek employment, which seems reasonable if that’s what you care for. OTOH many people find their careers soar with time, as they build experience, empathy and learn their way around how the corporate world works. The financial rewards get larger, but more interesting is the opportunity to solve tough technical problems (well, for me, as an engineer). I also find it a little wasteful to not enjoy ones youth, which is not a time that will come back, and is likely the only time where you can experience life somewhat unattached and figure out what kind of partner would work best, what kind of personality works best, which city is a good one to lay roots etc.
- tyrust 7y ago
  >Working hard is only good if the work in itself is rewarding, or the money buys you things that are rewarding. This is a pretty restricted view of turn power of money. Charity and/or helping one's family is rewarding. Also rewarding, as the other commenter pointed out, is the freedom to not chopse between non-rewarding work and poverty.
  - barrkel 7y ago
    Charity is something money buys. The freedom to choose doesn't require enough income for a frugal lifetime without work. It just requires enough income to find a more rewarding job. The marginal benefit declines, the longer you look the more likely you are to find what you're searching for. That's why I only keep a year's worth of takehome on easy access (apart from my pension, house equity, etc.) A life without a job is a life without purpose. People who retire early die early. Even outside a conventional job, money is proof that you create value; if there's no money in whatever activity you choose, it's probably a consumption good.
    - tyrust 7y ago
      I pretty much disagree with every point here, but we don't need to get into it. You do you.
mpeg 7y ago
It feels like a recipe for marital disaster that she's living this extremely frugal lifestyle despite him making good money and he "goes along with it" (her words)
- thatfrenchguy 7y ago
  Only if you assume spending more money will make you happier though
  - coldtea 7y ago
    It's enough that the husband assumes it to cause marital disaster...
  - arkades 7y ago
    As marginal utility goes, though, it sounds like “spending more money” in this story includes things like “having more than one room to live in.” And, admittedly this was an inference rather than baldly stated, “nice vacations.” Money doesn’t just buy a different grade of items. It also buys a whole slew of novel experiences, of which you only get so many in your life. Yeah, some amount of spending can make you happier.
    - Retric 7y ago
      The ROI from vacations when your younger vs much earlier retirement seems to favor early retirement.
      - ademup 7y ago
        I emphatically disagree. If your job has high stress, then relaxing and checking out can pay huge dividends; up to and including the ability to maintain your high stress job. Additionally, for those of us who take more exploration-learning-bucket-list style vacations, the memories and knowledge offer more value the earlier in life you take them, as they contribute to lifelong education. Finally, the vacations provide networking opportunities, opening doors due to shared experiences leading to new friendships and possibly new jobs or clients.
wayoutthere 7y ago
I mean, I’m in a similar boat. I did the whole “make it rain” thing for a few years by dripping in designer clothes, fancy restaurants, etc. But that lifestyle made me way more anxious as impostor syndrome kicked in. Having money doesn’t really solve problems; there’s always someone with more who will make you feel poor. Buy a Gucci bag and it’ll feel like half the world is dripping bespoke Hermès. You can’t win. I live way more frugally these days. I don’t intentionally scrimp and save, I just find it difficult to spend what I make without buying $5,000 purses that will get donated when they’re way out of fashion in 2 years. I know, I know: first world problems. But it’s emblematic of the wealth inequality in the US: a lot of people are struggling to make ends meet while some people have to invest effort into finding ways to spend the money they make.
- joncrane 7y ago
  Good on you on graduating from that mindset.
- badpun 7y ago
  > Buy a Gucci bag and it’ll feel like half the world is dripping bespoke Hermès. You can’t win. This is fascinating. I suspect 99% of people simply don't care and can't even tell a $50 purse from $5000 one, and this Gucci vs Hermes rivarvly is only relevant for a tiny minority of sad snobs. Like the other poster said, good for you for ditching this.
  - wayoutthere 7y ago
    Right; the whole mindset is about trying to impress the people you deem “above” you and climb some bullshit social ladder that means about as much as Instagram likes. But you know in the back of your mind, they’re just as lonely and looking for validation as I was. It’s kind of ironic: these days, within my private world, my job and the money I make cause people to distrust me at first. Most of my friends make less than a quarter of what I make, so I have to be careful about new purchases (e.g. a friend of mine had been saving for a $2500 guitar which I could easily have bought on a whim — but I got a way cheaper one so as to not make her feel like shit because she is far more dedicated to her music than I am). At the same time I can’t buy my friends things like that because it distances me and makes them feel they owe me. I don’t see it like that — I feel the amount of money I make is arbitrarily unfair because I blindly made a career decision 20 years ago that worked out from me. But they do, so I have to be sensitive. I still wear the flashy clothes, purses and shoes in a work context because they make me feel like a confident bad bitch and I’m client-facing. But I do it for me rather than the external validation (ok, and maybe a bit of imposter syndrome). Also it’s entirely the same with the men so this isn’t a sexist thing — it’s just bespoke suits, shoes and watches for the guys. And a class ring on your finger if it’s from an Ivy. And this is true regardless of the kind of “business” — go to the music world and it’s all streetwear with $500 Supreme t-shirts and $2500 limited-edition sneakers; and the tech world has hoodies, bicycles, cars and the latest bleeding-edge tech. It’s all peacocking.
joshbaptiste 7y ago
Once he placed the ring on her finger he accepted her terms .. as an American who hasn’t grown up with Asian cultural norms I would never marry someone with an obligation to take care of their parents also in America.
- codingdave 7y ago
  Then it might surprise you that 30 states in the USA have laws requiring you to be financially responsible for your parents' care if they cannot cover it themselves.
  - madengr 7y ago
    That’s insane, as there is no limit to the amount of money that can be spent on elderly care, and whole industries with the sole purpose of bilking the life savings of the elderly. Do you have a link to the list of states?
    - Jabbles 7y ago
      https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Filial_responsibility_laws https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Filial_responsibility_laws (see citations)
      - madengr 7y ago
        Thanks. Damn, glad I don’t live in one: “In 2012, the media reported the case of John Pittas, whose mother had received care in a skilled nursing facility in Pennsylvania after an accident and then moved to Greece. The nursing home sued her son directly, before even trying to collect from Medicaid. A court in Pennsylvania ruled that the son must pay, according to the Pennsylvania filial responsibility law.”
- rayiner 7y ago
  What kind of American? Multigenerational living is still routine among African Americans and Hispanic Americans, and pretty common among rural white Americans. The median distance an American lives from their mom is just 18 miles.
dheera 7y ago
I would LOVE to save 90% of my income, but I live in the bay area and 30% of my income goes to rent, 6-10% goes to food, 8-10% goes to transportation, 5-7% on utilities, none of which I'm splurging on, so these aren't exactly negotiable. I also budget about 10% toward educational purchases (equipment and services, mostly tech) for personal projects and learning, which I think will financially benefit me long term even if it means I save less now. OP's $1.7M in investments? If I had that, yeah, I'd surely be saving 90% of it, too. Maybe 95%.
- acjohnson55 7y ago
  As Paula Pant of Afford Anything [1] would say, you can afford anything, but not everything. The author here is house-hacking [2], which certainly isn't everyone's cup of tea, but it is one way to get around high housing costs. I've listened to enough financial independence podcasts to know that it's absolutely possible to hit a 90% savings rate. There are guests on the show who have done it on much less income than my family, and we'll be lucky if we hit 40%. It just depends on what assumptions of necessity you're willing to give up to do it. [1] https://affordanything.com/ https://affordanything.com/ [2] https://www.coachcarson.com/house-hacking-guide/ https://www.coachcarson.com/house-hacking-guide/
  - fjsolwmv 7y ago
    Sure, pretending that your rent/mortgage payment isn't an expense, and calling it "house hacking", makes it easier to claim a 90% savings rate.
    - acjohnson55 7y ago
      I see your point, but I also don't think it's crazy to calculate effective savings as net wealth contribution over net wage income, which seems to be how she's thinking about it. Actually, to me, savings percentage isn't important as a bottom line number. It's just a helpful intermediate number for understanding cash flow. I'm much more interested in net wealth contribution and how that dials up to future plans involving large sums of money (e.g. moving or expanding house, education, letting go of wage income, major philanthropy, estate plans, risk management).
amehyst 7y ago
Full-time blogger wife of a wealthy tech worker is like the millennial version of the full-time philanthropy/NGO wife of bankers/lawyers/execs in times past.

by xenihn 7y ago

barrkel 7y ago

It might be a dream if the feeling of security, of having assets, money in the bank, is the thing that's missing in your life. That'll be the case to the degree that you were insecure and poor as a child, I'd expect. I grew up poor, but not as poor as the lady in the article. And it was in Ireland, so there was a social security net, my college degree was paid for, etc. So I feel comfy enough once I have a year's take-home income in the bank. Past that point I feel good spending money on things my partner and I enjoy, things we may not have time for if we have kids or might not be able to do at all when we get old. Working hard is only good if the work in itself is rewarding, or the money buys you things that are rewarding. Money in itself doesn't really have that allure. A six or seven figure bank account wouldn't excite me - I've spent the best part of a million pounds since I started my career, and certainly don't regret not saving it.

nugget 7y ago
Proponents of financial independence would say that high savings rates eventually buy you control over your own time which is one of the most rewarding things in the world.
- pm90 7y ago
  It depends on specific circumstances though doesn’t it? The view of these proponents is usually that if you can max out savings for 10 years or so by living extremely frugally, the next 40 or 50 years of your life can be lived without having to seek employment, which seems reasonable if that’s what you care for. OTOH many people find their careers soar with time, as they build experience, empathy and learn their way around how the corporate world works. The financial rewards get larger, but more interesting is the opportunity to solve tough technical problems (well, for me, as an engineer). I also find it a little wasteful to not enjoy ones youth, which is not a time that will come back, and is likely the only time where you can experience life somewhat unattached and figure out what kind of partner would work best, what kind of personality works best, which city is a good one to lay roots etc.
tyrust 7y ago
>Working hard is only good if the work in itself is rewarding, or the money buys you things that are rewarding. This is a pretty restricted view of turn power of money. Charity and/or helping one's family is rewarding. Also rewarding, as the other commenter pointed out, is the freedom to not chopse between non-rewarding work and poverty.
- barrkel 7y ago
  Charity is something money buys. The freedom to choose doesn't require enough income for a frugal lifetime without work. It just requires enough income to find a more rewarding job. The marginal benefit declines, the longer you look the more likely you are to find what you're searching for. That's why I only keep a year's worth of takehome on easy access (apart from my pension, house equity, etc.) A life without a job is a life without purpose. People who retire early die early. Even outside a conventional job, money is proof that you create value; if there's no money in whatever activity you choose, it's probably a consumption good.
  - tyrust 7y ago
    I pretty much disagree with every point here, but we don't need to get into it. You do you.

mpeg 7y ago

It feels like a recipe for marital disaster that she's living this extremely frugal lifestyle despite him making good money and he "goes along with it" (her words)

thatfrenchguy 7y ago
Only if you assume spending more money will make you happier though
- coldtea 7y ago
  It's enough that the husband assumes it to cause marital disaster...
- arkades 7y ago
  As marginal utility goes, though, it sounds like “spending more money” in this story includes things like “having more than one room to live in.” And, admittedly this was an inference rather than baldly stated, “nice vacations.” Money doesn’t just buy a different grade of items. It also buys a whole slew of novel experiences, of which you only get so many in your life. Yeah, some amount of spending can make you happier.
  - Retric 7y ago
    The ROI from vacations when your younger vs much earlier retirement seems to favor early retirement.
    - ademup 7y ago
      I emphatically disagree. If your job has high stress, then relaxing and checking out can pay huge dividends; up to and including the ability to maintain your high stress job. Additionally, for those of us who take more exploration-learning-bucket-list style vacations, the memories and knowledge offer more value the earlier in life you take them, as they contribute to lifelong education. Finally, the vacations provide networking opportunities, opening doors due to shared experiences leading to new friendships and possibly new jobs or clients.

wayoutthere 7y ago

I mean, I’m in a similar boat. I did the whole “make it rain” thing for a few years by dripping in designer clothes, fancy restaurants, etc. But that lifestyle made me way more anxious as impostor syndrome kicked in. Having money doesn’t really solve problems; there’s always someone with more who will make you feel poor. Buy a Gucci bag and it’ll feel like half the world is dripping bespoke Hermès. You can’t win. I live way more frugally these days. I don’t intentionally scrimp and save, I just find it difficult to spend what I make without buying $5,000 purses that will get donated when they’re way out of fashion in 2 years. I know, I know: first world problems. But it’s emblematic of the wealth inequality in the US: a lot of people are struggling to make ends meet while some people have to invest effort into finding ways to spend the money they make.

joncrane 7y ago
Good on you on graduating from that mindset.
badpun 7y ago
> Buy a Gucci bag and it’ll feel like half the world is dripping bespoke Hermès. You can’t win. This is fascinating. I suspect 99% of people simply don't care and can't even tell a $50 purse from $5000 one, and this Gucci vs Hermes rivarvly is only relevant for a tiny minority of sad snobs. Like the other poster said, good for you for ditching this.
- wayoutthere 7y ago
  Right; the whole mindset is about trying to impress the people you deem “above” you and climb some bullshit social ladder that means about as much as Instagram likes. But you know in the back of your mind, they’re just as lonely and looking for validation as I was. It’s kind of ironic: these days, within my private world, my job and the money I make cause people to distrust me at first. Most of my friends make less than a quarter of what I make, so I have to be careful about new purchases (e.g. a friend of mine had been saving for a $2500 guitar which I could easily have bought on a whim — but I got a way cheaper one so as to not make her feel like shit because she is far more dedicated to her music than I am). At the same time I can’t buy my friends things like that because it distances me and makes them feel they owe me. I don’t see it like that — I feel the amount of money I make is arbitrarily unfair because I blindly made a career decision 20 years ago that worked out from me. But they do, so I have to be sensitive. I still wear the flashy clothes, purses and shoes in a work context because they make me feel like a confident bad bitch and I’m client-facing. But I do it for me rather than the external validation (ok, and maybe a bit of imposter syndrome). Also it’s entirely the same with the men so this isn’t a sexist thing — it’s just bespoke suits, shoes and watches for the guys. And a class ring on your finger if it’s from an Ivy. And this is true regardless of the kind of “business” — go to the music world and it’s all streetwear with $500 Supreme t-shirts and $2500 limited-edition sneakers; and the tech world has hoodies, bicycles, cars and the latest bleeding-edge tech. It’s all peacocking.

joshbaptiste 7y ago

Once he placed the ring on her finger he accepted her terms .. as an American who hasn’t grown up with Asian cultural norms I would never marry someone with an obligation to take care of their parents also in America.

codingdave 7y ago
Then it might surprise you that 30 states in the USA have laws requiring you to be financially responsible for your parents' care if they cannot cover it themselves.
- madengr 7y ago
  That’s insane, as there is no limit to the amount of money that can be spent on elderly care, and whole industries with the sole purpose of bilking the life savings of the elderly. Do you have a link to the list of states?
  - Jabbles 7y ago
    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Filial_responsibility_laws https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Filial_responsibility_laws (see citations)
    - madengr 7y ago
      Thanks. Damn, glad I don’t live in one: “In 2012, the media reported the case of John Pittas, whose mother had received care in a skilled nursing facility in Pennsylvania after an accident and then moved to Greece. The nursing home sued her son directly, before even trying to collect from Medicaid. A court in Pennsylvania ruled that the son must pay, according to the Pennsylvania filial responsibility law.”
rayiner 7y ago
What kind of American? Multigenerational living is still routine among African Americans and Hispanic Americans, and pretty common among rural white Americans. The median distance an American lives from their mom is just 18 miles.

dheera 7y ago

I would LOVE to save 90% of my income, but I live in the bay area and 30% of my income goes to rent, 6-10% goes to food, 8-10% goes to transportation, 5-7% on utilities, none of which I'm splurging on, so these aren't exactly negotiable. I also budget about 10% toward educational purchases (equipment and services, mostly tech) for personal projects and learning, which I think will financially benefit me long term even if it means I save less now. OP's $1.7M in investments? If I had that, yeah, I'd surely be saving 90% of it, too. Maybe 95%.

acjohnson55 7y ago
As Paula Pant of Afford Anything [1] would say, you can afford anything, but not everything. The author here is house-hacking [2], which certainly isn't everyone's cup of tea, but it is one way to get around high housing costs. I've listened to enough financial independence podcasts to know that it's absolutely possible to hit a 90% savings rate. There are guests on the show who have done it on much less income than my family, and we'll be lucky if we hit 40%. It just depends on what assumptions of necessity you're willing to give up to do it. [1] https://affordanything.com/ https://affordanything.com/ [2] https://www.coachcarson.com/house-hacking-guide/ https://www.coachcarson.com/house-hacking-guide/
- fjsolwmv 7y ago
  Sure, pretending that your rent/mortgage payment isn't an expense, and calling it "house hacking", makes it easier to claim a 90% savings rate.
  - acjohnson55 7y ago
    I see your point, but I also don't think it's crazy to calculate effective savings as net wealth contribution over net wage income, which seems to be how she's thinking about it. Actually, to me, savings percentage isn't important as a bottom line number. It's just a helpful intermediate number for understanding cash flow. I'm much more interested in net wealth contribution and how that dials up to future plans involving large sums of money (e.g. moving or expanding house, education, letting go of wage income, major philanthropy, estate plans, risk management).

amehyst 7y ago

Full-time blogger wife of a wealthy tech worker is like the millennial version of the full-time philanthropy/NGO wife of bankers/lawyers/execs in times past.