I see the humor in your post, but I think it misses a little about mainstream Christian theology: IIUC, the idea is that people should fully enjoy sex for the

I see the humor in your post, but I think it misses a little about mainstream Christian theology: IIUC, the idea is that people should fully enjoy sex for the purposes that God intended, but should limit themselves to that. (There are some secular arguments for/against adhering those those behaviors, but other reasons will depend on premises only meaningful to Christians.) So Christian theology, in general, isn't to keep your pants on. It's to screw to your heart's desire with your spouse, but nobody else.