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One challenge is kids will figure out they are smart all on their own. As a parent you have to almost actively repress the notion in a kid’s head that they are

One challenge is kids will figure out they are smart all on their own. As a parent you have to almost actively repress the notion in a kid’s head that they are “smart”.

sanxiyn 7y ago
Why? Being smart is good. Why wouldn't you let your kids know?
- onemoresoop 7y ago
  Because it does more harm than good in the long term
  - sanxiyn 7y ago
    I'd say having false belief (believing oneself not to be smart, when in fact, one is smart) is more harm than good in the long run.
    - bitexploder 7y ago
      I answered this elsewhere, but... I think it is ideal to just exist without putting smartness on a scale. Smart is not an inherently good or bad thing IMO. It just is. What you do with "smart" matters, so we focus on doing and effort in my house, not on inherent capabilities. Also, maybe you as a person just don't want to do "smart" people jobs when you grow up? Probably you will, but if you are holding yourself to some standard it could set you up for years of unhappiness if you feel you are "wasting" your talents.
      - sanxiyn 7y ago
        Being smart is inherently good. It is ridiculous to suggest otherwise.
        onemoresoop 7y ago
        You can't argue Hitler, Stalin, etc weren't smart in their own ways. So being smart is not inherently good, it depends on what it applies to. There could be smart pimp who makes a lot of money, does that make him good? Maybe being good is inherently good?
- bitexploder 7y ago
  You don't tell them they are dumb or anything. You just let them exist as long as possible without labeling or self-labeling. I know it is just a saying, but I think the research backs it up: Hard work beats talent when talent doesn't work hard. Effort and discipline must come before "smart". It's okay to smart, it isn't like we shame it or anything, we just don't focus on it. We read advanced books and do all sorts of "smart" things in the house, but we don't label it or compare it. Smart is a thing that really breaks out your "comparing mind" as they call it in buddhism. The author had the same issues, feeling a bit smug compared to all of the average kids. That is the comparing mind in action and it all sets you up for potential failure.
- CharlesColeman 7y ago
  > Why? Being smart is good. Why wouldn't you let your kids know? http://nymag.com/news/features/27840/index.html http://nymag.com/news/features/27840/index.html tl;dr: praising them for being "smart" counterintuitively ends up discouraging them.
  - sanxiyn 7y ago
    Of course, don't praise being smart. How is it praiseworthy? But do tell they are smart.
    - CharlesColeman 7y ago
      > But do tell they are smart. The problem occurs when they incorporate "smart" into their identity, so telling them they're smart is a problem too. From the article I linked: > Since Thomas could walk, he has heard constantly that he’s smart. Not just from his parents but from any adult who has come in contact with this precocious child.... > But as Thomas has progressed through school, this self-awareness that he’s smart hasn’t always translated into fearless confidence when attacking his schoolwork. In fact, Thomas’s father noticed just the opposite. “Thomas didn’t want to try things he wouldn’t be successful at,” his father says. “Some things came very quickly to him, but when they didn’t, he gave up almost immediately, concluding, ‘I’m not good at this.’ ” With no more than a glance, Thomas was dividing the world into two—things he was naturally good at and things he wasn’t. [emphasis mine]

One challenge is kids will figure out they are smart all on their own. As a parent you have to almost actively repress the notion in a kid’s head that they are “smart”.

sanxiyn 7y ago

Why? Being smart is good. Why wouldn't you let your kids know?

onemoresoop 7y ago
Because it does more harm than good in the long term
- sanxiyn 7y ago
  I'd say having false belief (believing oneself not to be smart, when in fact, one is smart) is more harm than good in the long run.
  - bitexploder 7y ago
    I answered this elsewhere, but... I think it is ideal to just exist without putting smartness on a scale. Smart is not an inherently good or bad thing IMO. It just is. What you do with "smart" matters, so we focus on doing and effort in my house, not on inherent capabilities. Also, maybe you as a person just don't want to do "smart" people jobs when you grow up? Probably you will, but if you are holding yourself to some standard it could set you up for years of unhappiness if you feel you are "wasting" your talents.
    - sanxiyn 7y ago
      Being smart is inherently good. It is ridiculous to suggest otherwise.
      - onemoresoop 7y ago
        You can't argue Hitler, Stalin, etc weren't smart in their own ways. So being smart is not inherently good, it depends on what it applies to. There could be smart pimp who makes a lot of money, does that make him good? Maybe being good is inherently good?
bitexploder 7y ago
You don't tell them they are dumb or anything. You just let them exist as long as possible without labeling or self-labeling. I know it is just a saying, but I think the research backs it up: Hard work beats talent when talent doesn't work hard. Effort and discipline must come before "smart". It's okay to smart, it isn't like we shame it or anything, we just don't focus on it. We read advanced books and do all sorts of "smart" things in the house, but we don't label it or compare it. Smart is a thing that really breaks out your "comparing mind" as they call it in buddhism. The author had the same issues, feeling a bit smug compared to all of the average kids. That is the comparing mind in action and it all sets you up for potential failure.
CharlesColeman 7y ago
> Why? Being smart is good. Why wouldn't you let your kids know? http://nymag.com/news/features/27840/index.html http://nymag.com/news/features/27840/index.html tl;dr: praising them for being "smart" counterintuitively ends up discouraging them.
- sanxiyn 7y ago
  Of course, don't praise being smart. How is it praiseworthy? But do tell they are smart.
  - CharlesColeman 7y ago
    > But do tell they are smart. The problem occurs when they incorporate "smart" into their identity, so telling them they're smart is a problem too. From the article I linked: > Since Thomas could walk, he has heard constantly that he’s smart. Not just from his parents but from any adult who has come in contact with this precocious child.... > But as Thomas has progressed through school, this self-awareness that he’s smart hasn’t always translated into fearless confidence when attacking his schoolwork. In fact, Thomas’s father noticed just the opposite. “Thomas didn’t want to try things he wouldn’t be successful at,” his father says. “Some things came very quickly to him, but when they didn’t, he gave up almost immediately, concluding, ‘I’m not good at this.’ ” With no more than a glance, Thomas was dividing the world into two—things he was naturally good at and things he wasn’t. [emphasis mine]