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I don't think it's about trust. Kids are kids, inexperienced. An extra, distant oversight may be required when talking about safety. The stakes are too high. It

I don't think it's about trust. Kids are kids, inexperienced. An extra, distant oversight may be required when talking about safety. The stakes are too high. It's like having a learners permit that requires someone with a license be in the car. Same thing about drugs, pregnancy, STD, etc... The stakes are too high to just rely on apparent understanding. I agree 100% about education. Educate, but verify (in a healthy way). Just my 2cents.

ziddoap 7y ago
Driving is technical and stakes are higher (literal death if the wrong move is made) - it makes sense to have a more active monitoring system (learners permit) for that. >Same thing about drugs, pregnancy, STD, etc... The stakes are too high to just rely on apparent understanding. Drugs is not prevented by monitoring - but by education. Pregnancy is not prevented by monitoring - but by education. STD's are not prevented by monitoring - but by education. >I agree 100% about education. Educate, but verify (in a healthy way). I do agree, there is a bit of a balance to be struck and being able to verify gives a lot of relief to the parents.
- prepend 7y ago
  I know many kids who went on birth control the minute parents discovered sexual activity or interest. So pregnancy was definitely prevented by monitoring. It’s also pretty handy for improving education and conversations.
  - nicoburns 7y ago
    IMO, knowledge of sexual activity comes from education and trust, not from monitoring. I know several teenagers whose parents didn't know about their sexual activity until much later than it started, even though the parents thought they were monitoring for it. Others have a conversation with their parents before they start, because they trust them. Those are the parents you want to be.
    - prepend 7y ago
      IMO, kids need help understanding the world and doing the right thing. I think this, like much of parenting, comes down to anecdote swapping and so it’s part of the struggle to learn about how to do well. I don’t know what kind of parents I want to be and wish I had the certainty you do in this area.
      - nicoburns 7y ago
        I've seen kids (and adults for that matter!) pretty much universally respond well to people who treat them with respect, and as an equal (in principle if not experience) partner in their growth process. I agree that kids need help understanding the world. My point is that they will accept it (and even seek it) if they are respected and trusted.
kgwxd 7y ago
Learners permits don't actively prevent anyone from driving. A very clear line is crossed when rule enforcement becomes active, and it will immediately induce a "fuck the authority" attitude in anyone, of any age. Sex and drugs aren't handled via urine tests and chastity belts by civilized people.

ziddoap 7y ago

Driving is technical and stakes are higher (literal death if the wrong move is made) - it makes sense to have a more active monitoring system (learners permit) for that. >Same thing about drugs, pregnancy, STD, etc... The stakes are too high to just rely on apparent understanding. Drugs is not prevented by monitoring - but by education. Pregnancy is not prevented by monitoring - but by education. STD's are not prevented by monitoring - but by education. >I agree 100% about education. Educate, but verify (in a healthy way). I do agree, there is a bit of a balance to be struck and being able to verify gives a lot of relief to the parents.

prepend 7y ago
I know many kids who went on birth control the minute parents discovered sexual activity or interest. So pregnancy was definitely prevented by monitoring. It’s also pretty handy for improving education and conversations.
- nicoburns 7y ago
  IMO, knowledge of sexual activity comes from education and trust, not from monitoring. I know several teenagers whose parents didn't know about their sexual activity until much later than it started, even though the parents thought they were monitoring for it. Others have a conversation with their parents before they start, because they trust them. Those are the parents you want to be.
  - prepend 7y ago
    IMO, kids need help understanding the world and doing the right thing. I think this, like much of parenting, comes down to anecdote swapping and so it’s part of the struggle to learn about how to do well. I don’t know what kind of parents I want to be and wish I had the certainty you do in this area.
    - nicoburns 7y ago
      I've seen kids (and adults for that matter!) pretty much universally respond well to people who treat them with respect, and as an equal (in principle if not experience) partner in their growth process. I agree that kids need help understanding the world. My point is that they will accept it (and even seek it) if they are respected and trusted.

kgwxd 7y ago

Learners permits don't actively prevent anyone from driving. A very clear line is crossed when rule enforcement becomes active, and it will immediately induce a "fuck the authority" attitude in anyone, of any age. Sex and drugs aren't handled via urine tests and chastity belts by civilized people.