8 ms·

The Surprising Benefits of Relentlessly Auditing Your Life

127 points by sajid 7y ago

Toine 7y ago
As the saying goes, "life is what happens when you're busy making other plans".
badpun 7y ago
> Our spreadsheets hammered home that what contributed most to our happiness was time spent together or with friends — while, crucially, not working — and there was no way to get more of that if we continued to live in the Bay Area, one of the most expensive parts of the country. So I proposed an idea that would have seemed radical were there not so much data backing it: “I think you should quit your job, we should sell our house, and we should move somewhere cheaper,” I told my husband matter-of-factly one day. So we did. Will be kind of hard to meet with friends, as they have all stayed in the Bay Area?
- maneesh 7y ago
  You are allowed to make new friends, even as an adult. As someone who has lived in a dozen cities in my adult life, it does take effort. But it seems like, as the author is willing to take the effort to track and adjust their life, they are likely willing to put in time to make new friends. I've found meetup.com to be an excellent way to make friends, as well as hobbies. (for me, standup comedy and DJing were excellent).
  - village-idiot 7y ago
    Group fitness classes at some gyms have a stable cohort that you’ll bond with over time.
    - badpun 7y ago
      We need a different word than "friends" for such bonds though... Someone who does not know your birthday is not a friend.
      - dominotw 7y ago
        acquaintance ?
      - village-idiot 7y ago
        Repeated interaction is a necessary first step to friendship, you cannot befriend someone you don’t see. My gym buddies are now my friends, and we see each other regularly outside of the gym context. Also, most of my friends don’t know when my birthday is, so that’s a bad metric imho. Birthdays are not universally important across the population.
        sirsar 7y ago
        I read a metric on a different thread recently: good friends help you move.
      - mlevental 7y ago
        lol wut. I have friends now of several decades who I see regularly (make effort to visit cross country) none of whose birthdays I know or who know mine.
      - reificator 7y ago
        > Someone who does not know your birthday is not a friend. You and I have very different ideas of what is important in life and friendship.
  - kylel 7y ago
    Re: DJing- I recently got into this. Do you DJ private/house parties or at nightclubs? From the forums I’ve read, people say it takes a lot of networking to get a gig/slot at a nightclub. I guess you make friends along the way too?
lifeisstillgood 7y ago
I have a secret startup plan - MOOPs Massive Open Online Psychology. You wire your house with iPhones or Alexas recording your daily conversations with your family - it records things like "number of positive responses" vs "number negative responses" when replying to your spouse or children. There are dozens of simple verbal checks one can pull out of even fairly raw speech to text, let alone visual dances. And imagine if you had a monthly review with a therapist how had all this data at their fingertips- and could coach you and your spouse to improve the worst of it.
- skookumchuck 7y ago
  I saw a TV show many years ago where the therapist simply set up a video camera in the dining room of a family to record, every day, the family dinner. After 2 or 3 weeks, the family forgot about the camera and reverted to their normal behaviors. After a few months of this, the therapist took the videos and then showed each member of the family how they behaved. They were horrified, and it turned out to be excellent family therapy. It's like the best way to teach someone to be a better public speaker is to record them speaking, and play it back to them.
- ssss11 7y ago
  Oh god no. Tell me this idea is a joke.
- mistermann 7y ago
  If you ignore the privacy complications, this is actually quite an interesting idea.
  - askafriend 7y ago
    If someone did it, it’d likely be opt-in and only for a short, finite period (1 week?) with the data being destroyed after it’s used.
- 0x8BADF00D 7y ago
  Yeah this is great. To make it scale, you need to put one additional camera in the bedroom of the parents. /s
klipt 7y ago
> I think you should quit your job > We’re in a much more precarious place financially now Hmm...
- all2 7y ago
  You forgot the part immediately following your out of context quote where she says they had multiple large expenses that were inexpected. You suggest (by placing those two quotes together) that seeking happiness in a less expensive area will put people in financially precarious situations. I'd like to know why you decided these quotes go together, and why they don't merit being quoted in proper context?
  - seem_2211 7y ago
    I dunno, in my view this seems like the sort of thing that should show up if you are relentlessly auditing your life - surely one of the pillars you would optimize for is stability, and thinking 'hey, what happens if one of us gets laid off' or 'hey, what happens if I get pregnant' or both at the same time sort of thing. Once you've worked out what the current fires are in your life, it makes sense to work out where fires could come from and do some prevention (to torture the metaphor a bit here)
  - twblalock 7y ago
    > You suggest (by placing those two quotes together) that seeking happiness in a less expensive area will put people in financially precarious situations. That may be true. The Bay Area has expensive housing, but a lot of things cost the about the same everywhere in the country -- an iPhone, a Honda Civic, a lawnmower, a water heater, clothing, school supplies, etc. The salaries in the Bay Area are also a lot higher than elsewhere. People spend a lot of money on housing, but all of the other stuff they buy costs a smaller portion of their income than it does in other places.
jumpinalake 7y ago
Something about this article felt disjointed. I read back over the jarring part to see if I had somehow skipped over a section or read it in the wrong order.
- unforeseen9991 7y ago
  I felt something amiss as well, and then I realized what it was, it was built to force compliance in a family dynamic
- Torwald 7y ago
  One of the reasons for this feeling is that the author only sees herself. For example, > Because the really intractable problems — like the social expectations placed on mothers, the gendered division of labor in homes, the invisibility of all sorts of care work — are not going to magically disappear. All three problems she mentions are on her "side." As the reader you are left wondering… But still a worth read, her overall point is IMHO solid.
mettamage 7y ago
When I used to do conscious self improvement, I journaled. I simply answered the prompt: what did I do to achieve my goal today, and what can I do better? This had the same effect as their quantitative approach: you start to see patterns. I’d suggest: the profound enabler of change isn’t the quantitative aspect of it, it is that you’re logging data in the first place. Our brains can’t log that much. Notepads and spreadsheets can. Of course, quantitative va qualitative have some trade offs, but the low hanging fruit is data logging, not Excel.
- MuffinFlavored 7y ago
  so... I'm with this, but... I know the results my logs would be. I want to work out and be in great shape. Run, stretch, weights, yada yada. I can log all day. It won't change the fact that I'm lazy/just don't have the work ethic to actually do it.
  - karlmcguire 7y ago
    I (and others [1]) have found that the act of logging itself helps you build and maintain momentum. For some people not wanting to "break the chain" of visible squares/X's/dots is enough motivation to continue. [1]: https://www.reddit.com/r/theXeffect/ https://www.reddit.com/r/theXeffect/
  - on_and_off 7y ago
    I am not sure if that helps you, a tech salary (or similar) might be necessary to pull it off this way : I am not exactly disciplined, I have thought for years about working out instead of actually doing it. Until one year ago. I have started working with a trainer. It is insanely expensive BUT it helps a lot in establishing a routine. The exercises themselves are pretty standard, but having somebody to give you a program adapted to your current condition and to correct your movements help tremendously. I have changed from not working out to working out 4-5 times a week.
    - dorchadas 7y ago
      That's exactly what did it for me, too. Except it wasn't a trainer, but a Couch to 5k like podcast. I found one that was much much more beginner friendly than C25k and also gave a strength and rest plan. Using the podcast and seeing hte weeks go by has made me much more motivated to get out and run, even on wet 5 degree centigrade days, let alone the 30 degree days. Just something to hold yourself accountable to, really. I've also found it's why many of my other projects/ideas/desires don't pan out. There's nothing to hold me accountable, so I get bored and move on. It sucks, because it feels like I'm trapped in a rutt, but I don't know of a way to really manage that.
marcinzm 7y ago
>We’re in a much more precarious place financially now, after a few non-spreadsheet-related surprises, but we’re still determined to make whatever decisions we can to improve our lives. This, imho, shows the issue with basing life decisions so relentlessly on personal data no matter how well collected. Either the unexpected catastrophic scenario hasn't happened so you don't hedge for it or it has happened and you hedge too much on it happening again. Just like basing stock decisions on the recent past is great right until a recession or bubble hits to wipe you out.
- karlmcguire 7y ago
  You're basically describing the black swan problem [1], but I'm not sure what your argument has to do with the premise of the article, which I understood as "tracking your life in a mechanical manner allows you to make better, more objective decisions." Are you saying we shouldn't track aspects of our lives because that could lead to essentially "overfitting" decisions based on personal data? I don't think the data or the collection of the data is the problem - it's ignoring black swans. I'd argue that our decisions are always influenced by our personal, recent past. If it's not explicitly written down in a spreadsheet, it's imprinted on our subconscious and associated with related emotions. At least spreadsheets/journals allow us insight into details that we're likely to forget in our day-to-day lives. I think personal tracking is a net positive for anyone. [1]: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Black_Swan:_The_Impact_of_the_Highly_Improbable https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Black_Swan:_The_Impact_of_...
aerophilic 7y ago
I have often thought about ways of optimizing my life, but doing so in a minimally invasive/time suck matter. One element, mentioned in the article, is coming up with your “happiness score”. However the way they suggest it seems a bit onerous. I almost wonder if it would be easier to do a “happy or not” style of data collection. Basically like the ones you see at airports, but maybe tied to facial recognition so you know who in the family is recording it. Ideally you would add more metrics (like sleep monitor), but I feel having just that much would be beneficial. Thoughts on this? Can anyone think of an easier method for the basic data collection (which doesn’t involve someone filling out a spreadsheet?)
holri 7y ago
A live organized and optimized like a Toyota factory seems absurd to me.
np_tedious 7y ago
I've been curious about this for a while. Seems like it is a lot of work but could be useful in small sustained bursts of effort (maybe 2 months) - much like diet logging. Will yield some insights and benefits and you don't have to keep it up forever. Anyone have suggestions for software or other tools? The article explained motivations but was pretty light on the methods. To stretch the analogy above, is there a MyFitnessPal for this or do people's aims vary enough the everyone just rolls their own spreadsheets?

127 points by sajid 7y ago

As the saying goes, "life is what happens when you're busy making other plans".

> Our spreadsheets hammered home that what contributed most to our happiness was time spent together or with friends — while, crucially, not working — and there was no way to get more of that if we continued to live in the Bay Area, one of the most expensive parts of the country. So I proposed an idea that would have seemed radical were there not so much data backing it: “I think you should quit your job, we should sell our house, and we should move somewhere cheaper,” I told my husband matter-of-factly one day. So we did. Will be kind of hard to meet with friends, as they have all stayed in the Bay Area?

maneesh 7y ago
You are allowed to make new friends, even as an adult. As someone who has lived in a dozen cities in my adult life, it does take effort. But it seems like, as the author is willing to take the effort to track and adjust their life, they are likely willing to put in time to make new friends. I've found meetup.com to be an excellent way to make friends, as well as hobbies. (for me, standup comedy and DJing were excellent).
- village-idiot 7y ago
  Group fitness classes at some gyms have a stable cohort that you’ll bond with over time.
  - badpun 7y ago
    We need a different word than "friends" for such bonds though... Someone who does not know your birthday is not a friend.
    - dominotw 7y ago
      acquaintance ?
    - village-idiot 7y ago
      Repeated interaction is a necessary first step to friendship, you cannot befriend someone you don’t see. My gym buddies are now my friends, and we see each other regularly outside of the gym context. Also, most of my friends don’t know when my birthday is, so that’s a bad metric imho. Birthdays are not universally important across the population.
      - sirsar 7y ago
        I read a metric on a different thread recently: good friends help you move.
    - mlevental 7y ago
      lol wut. I have friends now of several decades who I see regularly (make effort to visit cross country) none of whose birthdays I know or who know mine.
    - reificator 7y ago
      > Someone who does not know your birthday is not a friend. You and I have very different ideas of what is important in life and friendship.
- kylel 7y ago
  Re: DJing- I recently got into this. Do you DJ private/house parties or at nightclubs? From the forums I’ve read, people say it takes a lot of networking to get a gig/slot at a nightclub. I guess you make friends along the way too?

lifeisstillgood 7y ago

I have a secret startup plan - MOOPs Massive Open Online Psychology. You wire your house with iPhones or Alexas recording your daily conversations with your family - it records things like "number of positive responses" vs "number negative responses" when replying to your spouse or children. There are dozens of simple verbal checks one can pull out of even fairly raw speech to text, let alone visual dances. And imagine if you had a monthly review with a therapist how had all this data at their fingertips- and could coach you and your spouse to improve the worst of it.

skookumchuck 7y ago
I saw a TV show many years ago where the therapist simply set up a video camera in the dining room of a family to record, every day, the family dinner. After 2 or 3 weeks, the family forgot about the camera and reverted to their normal behaviors. After a few months of this, the therapist took the videos and then showed each member of the family how they behaved. They were horrified, and it turned out to be excellent family therapy. It's like the best way to teach someone to be a better public speaker is to record them speaking, and play it back to them.
ssss11 7y ago
Oh god no. Tell me this idea is a joke.
mistermann 7y ago
If you ignore the privacy complications, this is actually quite an interesting idea.
- askafriend 7y ago
  If someone did it, it’d likely be opt-in and only for a short, finite period (1 week?) with the data being destroyed after it’s used.
0x8BADF00D 7y ago
Yeah this is great. To make it scale, you need to put one additional camera in the bedroom of the parents. /s

klipt 7y ago

> I think you should quit your job > We’re in a much more precarious place financially now Hmm...

all2 7y ago
You forgot the part immediately following your out of context quote where she says they had multiple large expenses that were inexpected. You suggest (by placing those two quotes together) that seeking happiness in a less expensive area will put people in financially precarious situations. I'd like to know why you decided these quotes go together, and why they don't merit being quoted in proper context?
- seem_2211 7y ago
  I dunno, in my view this seems like the sort of thing that should show up if you are relentlessly auditing your life - surely one of the pillars you would optimize for is stability, and thinking 'hey, what happens if one of us gets laid off' or 'hey, what happens if I get pregnant' or both at the same time sort of thing. Once you've worked out what the current fires are in your life, it makes sense to work out where fires could come from and do some prevention (to torture the metaphor a bit here)
- twblalock 7y ago
  > You suggest (by placing those two quotes together) that seeking happiness in a less expensive area will put people in financially precarious situations. That may be true. The Bay Area has expensive housing, but a lot of things cost the about the same everywhere in the country -- an iPhone, a Honda Civic, a lawnmower, a water heater, clothing, school supplies, etc. The salaries in the Bay Area are also a lot higher than elsewhere. People spend a lot of money on housing, but all of the other stuff they buy costs a smaller portion of their income than it does in other places.

jumpinalake 7y ago

Something about this article felt disjointed. I read back over the jarring part to see if I had somehow skipped over a section or read it in the wrong order.

unforeseen9991 7y ago
I felt something amiss as well, and then I realized what it was, it was built to force compliance in a family dynamic
Torwald 7y ago
One of the reasons for this feeling is that the author only sees herself. For example, > Because the really intractable problems — like the social expectations placed on mothers, the gendered division of labor in homes, the invisibility of all sorts of care work — are not going to magically disappear. All three problems she mentions are on her "side." As the reader you are left wondering… But still a worth read, her overall point is IMHO solid.

mettamage 7y ago

When I used to do conscious self improvement, I journaled. I simply answered the prompt: what did I do to achieve my goal today, and what can I do better? This had the same effect as their quantitative approach: you start to see patterns. I’d suggest: the profound enabler of change isn’t the quantitative aspect of it, it is that you’re logging data in the first place. Our brains can’t log that much. Notepads and spreadsheets can. Of course, quantitative va qualitative have some trade offs, but the low hanging fruit is data logging, not Excel.

MuffinFlavored 7y ago
so... I'm with this, but... I know the results my logs would be. I want to work out and be in great shape. Run, stretch, weights, yada yada. I can log all day. It won't change the fact that I'm lazy/just don't have the work ethic to actually do it.
- karlmcguire 7y ago
  I (and others [1]) have found that the act of logging itself helps you build and maintain momentum. For some people not wanting to "break the chain" of visible squares/X's/dots is enough motivation to continue. [1]: https://www.reddit.com/r/theXeffect/ https://www.reddit.com/r/theXeffect/
- on_and_off 7y ago
  I am not sure if that helps you, a tech salary (or similar) might be necessary to pull it off this way : I am not exactly disciplined, I have thought for years about working out instead of actually doing it. Until one year ago. I have started working with a trainer. It is insanely expensive BUT it helps a lot in establishing a routine. The exercises themselves are pretty standard, but having somebody to give you a program adapted to your current condition and to correct your movements help tremendously. I have changed from not working out to working out 4-5 times a week.
  - dorchadas 7y ago
    That's exactly what did it for me, too. Except it wasn't a trainer, but a Couch to 5k like podcast. I found one that was much much more beginner friendly than C25k and also gave a strength and rest plan. Using the podcast and seeing hte weeks go by has made me much more motivated to get out and run, even on wet 5 degree centigrade days, let alone the 30 degree days. Just something to hold yourself accountable to, really. I've also found it's why many of my other projects/ideas/desires don't pan out. There's nothing to hold me accountable, so I get bored and move on. It sucks, because it feels like I'm trapped in a rutt, but I don't know of a way to really manage that.

marcinzm 7y ago

>We’re in a much more precarious place financially now, after a few non-spreadsheet-related surprises, but we’re still determined to make whatever decisions we can to improve our lives. This, imho, shows the issue with basing life decisions so relentlessly on personal data no matter how well collected. Either the unexpected catastrophic scenario hasn't happened so you don't hedge for it or it has happened and you hedge too much on it happening again. Just like basing stock decisions on the recent past is great right until a recession or bubble hits to wipe you out.

karlmcguire 7y ago
You're basically describing the black swan problem [1], but I'm not sure what your argument has to do with the premise of the article, which I understood as "tracking your life in a mechanical manner allows you to make better, more objective decisions." Are you saying we shouldn't track aspects of our lives because that could lead to essentially "overfitting" decisions based on personal data? I don't think the data or the collection of the data is the problem - it's ignoring black swans. I'd argue that our decisions are always influenced by our personal, recent past. If it's not explicitly written down in a spreadsheet, it's imprinted on our subconscious and associated with related emotions. At least spreadsheets/journals allow us insight into details that we're likely to forget in our day-to-day lives. I think personal tracking is a net positive for anyone. [1]: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Black_Swan:_The_Impact_of_the_Highly_Improbable https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Black_Swan:_The_Impact_of_...

aerophilic 7y ago

I have often thought about ways of optimizing my life, but doing so in a minimally invasive/time suck matter. One element, mentioned in the article, is coming up with your “happiness score”. However the way they suggest it seems a bit onerous. I almost wonder if it would be easier to do a “happy or not” style of data collection. Basically like the ones you see at airports, but maybe tied to facial recognition so you know who in the family is recording it. Ideally you would add more metrics (like sleep monitor), but I feel having just that much would be beneficial. Thoughts on this? Can anyone think of an easier method for the basic data collection (which doesn’t involve someone filling out a spreadsheet?)

holri 7y ago

A live organized and optimized like a Toyota factory seems absurd to me.

np_tedious 7y ago

I've been curious about this for a while. Seems like it is a lot of work but could be useful in small sustained bursts of effort (maybe 2 months) - much like diet logging. Will yield some insights and benefits and you don't have to keep it up forever. Anyone have suggestions for software or other tools? The article explained motivations but was pretty light on the methods. To stretch the analogy above, is there a MyFitnessPal for this or do people's aims vary enough the everyone just rolls their own spreadsheets?