6 ms·

Ask HN: I am stuck, what should I do?

14 points by isthereawayout 16y ago

Posting this from a throwaway. Flag the topic, if you will, but I need to say the things out before I get a mental breakdown and I there isn't anyone who I could bother with my personal problems. Long story short, my parents are divorced for a long time and my mother is very close to being laid off from the job, where she's been working for ~20 years. To make the matters worse, she got into a house debt, which needs to be repaid for 7 more years (I knew and was telling her that was stupid from the start, but that can't help now). To make the matters even worse, she might get into some legal process for the things she probably never did (scapegoat). I am 19. I have some job, hell, I even dropped from the college to get some real world experience, but I'd never believe anyone telling me that real world experience reaches me so fast. With my salary it's quite probable I can sustain barely enough income to pay the debts and make some living for us both, but I dunno for how long (remote working with salary much above average for our country). I am thinking about moving to some other country, hoping that life'd become easier to cope with there. I am a ruby/rails programmer with some 1.5 years experience and 10 years romance with the computer and I believe that my English is bearable enough to communicate with others. I've always thought there's not a single thing I can't handle, but this is a situation I could never imagine getting into. I don't really seek any sympathy, I am begging for advice, because I reckon that HNers' experience combined could help me out.

jluxenberg 16y ago
Can you mother consider a strategic default on her house debt? If she's looking at debt she can't afford to pay off, bankruptcy is probably a decent option.
- isthereawayout 16y ago
  Real estate isn't going down here; thus, strategic default is not an option, but we probably could get some decent amount of money if we can get it sold and after we pay the mortgage to the bank (probably with some extra fee?). The problem is, that it takes lots of time to sell it here.
  - jluxenberg 16y ago
    If she expects to be able to pay it back in the future, she could take a second mortgage against whatever equity she has in the house. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Home_equity_loan http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Home_equity_loan http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Home_equity_line_of_credit http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Home_equity_line_of_credit
    - isthereawayout 16y ago
      I'm not really sure this is applicable. Banks here work differently from those in USA or EU, they won't give you a loan 90% of the time if you got a mortgage on your hands. Sounds impossible? Well, people don't trust banks and banks don't trust people. Thanks for advice anyway.
      - ars 16y ago
        It would be helpful if you said where "here" is.
        isthereawayout 16y ago
        Sorry, but no. No hard feelings, please.
        ars 16y ago
        Not even the country? Certainly no hard feelings, but I think you would have gotten better answers. I hope that answers you did get helped you.
jacquesm 16y ago
She could sell the house at 5% below market that should make the sale go through quickly. Use the proceeds to rent a very small place and try very hard to get another job. Cut down costs to the bone asap. If your mother has been working there for 20 years she should be entitled to some severance package. Do not borrow money or otherwise increase the debt to plug the hole, that way lies madness. The rest is too vague to be able to give you any actionable advice or even options.
- isthereawayout 16y ago
  > She could sell the house at 5% below market that should make the sale go through quickly. > Use the proceeds to rent a very small place and try very hard to get another job. Cut down costs to the bone asap. Yeah, if we manage to sell the home, we're left with about 50% of its cost which is enough to buy a smaller place in this city or rent a much better place somewhere in Asia (for example) for years. With my mother nearing her 50, I really doubt she can find any decent job (she's a financial director [I dunno what they call this position] in the biggest company in the city). However, I've been thinking that she could learn something with my help and freelance. But I'm not sure if there's any job out there in the internets that can be taught in a short timespan. > If your mother has been working there for 20 years she should be entitled to some severance package. Never happens here, unfortunately. Employees aren't protected from the employer at all.
  - jacquesm 16y ago
    Emigration to avoid legal troubles usually adds to the trouble, the scapegoat thing is troublesome but usually the best way to deal with that sort of thing is to go visit a lawyer first to see how actionable it really is.
    - isthereawayout 16y ago
      Yep, legal issues are bad enough; however, I'm totally helpless here. Everything's connected in such a weird manner that it sounds like not even remotely possible. Let me just say that my mother's employer is genuinely interested in not letting her get into the trouble, because if he does, there's enough evidence for whole company, him included, to sink after her. However, either he's crazy, or he's an idiot, or he's got a plan to make everyone cannon fodder. Did I say that he, the company owner, is also a relative of ours? You can imagine how twisted the whole situation is.
fooandbarify 16y ago
I don't really know what to tell you, except to offer some encouragement. I'm only a few years older than you, and while my experience was different I have also been through some bad times. Even now, I'm in a very rough spot financially, but I'm on my way out. Everybody goes through their own personal hell sometimes, and in my case I found that the most important keys to getting out of it are determination (which it sounds like you have), an independent and resourceful spirit (which it sounds like you have) and the ability to ask for help (which you just did). Note the last two: never be too proud to ask for help, but never count on getting it, either. Without knowing where you are now, I can't comment on your decision about moving to some other country, but fortunately you have valuable skills which will help you find work anywhere. Definitely consider the cost of living in any country you want to move to compared to the amount of money you can make working remotely - it sounds like you're in an area with comparatively low wages, and by that standard I assume the cost of living in your country is less expensive than, for example, the US.
- isthereawayout 16y ago
  Thanks. I'm quite sure, I'm in better spot than lots of people that have to struggle for survival on daily basis. I've always dreamed about moving to Asia, probably India (or wherever they speak English, really). Living costs should be even less than here (they're quite low where I live, to be honest) and I heard there are great opportunities for tech guys there. I just wonder if I need some kind of work visa or something like that. Indian HNers, anyone? :)
  - raghava 16y ago
    Work visa (and related) rules in India - http://www.mha.nic.in/pdfs/work_visa_faq.pdf http://www.mha.nic.in/pdfs/work_visa_faq.pdf Portal for details about immigration to India - http://www.immigrationindia.nic.in/ http://www.immigrationindia.nic.in/ >>Living costs should be even less Most of the times, yes. However there are differences; afaik, metros like Mumbai or Delhi are costlier than places like Chennai or Bangalore. (And places like Mysore (where I am), cost of living is even lesser; (comes at a cost: no multiplexes / big shopping malls / nightlife etc) US $ 1000 (that'll be approx INR 45,000) per person per month would be more than sufficient to lead a good life) >>heard there are great opportunities for tech guys Indian startup scene is warming up, and _a_lot_ of web 2.0 ones in them. >>Indian HNers You could also try posting in http://hackerstreet.in http://hackerstreet.in Good luck!

jluxenberg 16y ago

Can you mother consider a strategic default on her house debt? If she's looking at debt she can't afford to pay off, bankruptcy is probably a decent option.

isthereawayout 16y ago
Real estate isn't going down here; thus, strategic default is not an option, but we probably could get some decent amount of money if we can get it sold and after we pay the mortgage to the bank (probably with some extra fee?). The problem is, that it takes lots of time to sell it here.
- jluxenberg 16y ago
  If she expects to be able to pay it back in the future, she could take a second mortgage against whatever equity she has in the house. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Home_equity_loan http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Home_equity_loan http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Home_equity_line_of_credit http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Home_equity_line_of_credit
  - isthereawayout 16y ago
    I'm not really sure this is applicable. Banks here work differently from those in USA or EU, they won't give you a loan 90% of the time if you got a mortgage on your hands. Sounds impossible? Well, people don't trust banks and banks don't trust people. Thanks for advice anyway.
    - ars 16y ago
      It would be helpful if you said where "here" is.
      - isthereawayout 16y ago
        Sorry, but no. No hard feelings, please.
        ars 16y ago
        Not even the country? Certainly no hard feelings, but I think you would have gotten better answers. I hope that answers you did get helped you.

jacquesm 16y ago

She could sell the house at 5% below market that should make the sale go through quickly. Use the proceeds to rent a very small place and try very hard to get another job. Cut down costs to the bone asap. If your mother has been working there for 20 years she should be entitled to some severance package. Do not borrow money or otherwise increase the debt to plug the hole, that way lies madness. The rest is too vague to be able to give you any actionable advice or even options.

isthereawayout 16y ago
> She could sell the house at 5% below market that should make the sale go through quickly. > Use the proceeds to rent a very small place and try very hard to get another job. Cut down costs to the bone asap. Yeah, if we manage to sell the home, we're left with about 50% of its cost which is enough to buy a smaller place in this city or rent a much better place somewhere in Asia (for example) for years. With my mother nearing her 50, I really doubt she can find any decent job (she's a financial director [I dunno what they call this position] in the biggest company in the city). However, I've been thinking that she could learn something with my help and freelance. But I'm not sure if there's any job out there in the internets that can be taught in a short timespan. > If your mother has been working there for 20 years she should be entitled to some severance package. Never happens here, unfortunately. Employees aren't protected from the employer at all.
- jacquesm 16y ago
  Emigration to avoid legal troubles usually adds to the trouble, the scapegoat thing is troublesome but usually the best way to deal with that sort of thing is to go visit a lawyer first to see how actionable it really is.
  - isthereawayout 16y ago
    Yep, legal issues are bad enough; however, I'm totally helpless here. Everything's connected in such a weird manner that it sounds like not even remotely possible. Let me just say that my mother's employer is genuinely interested in not letting her get into the trouble, because if he does, there's enough evidence for whole company, him included, to sink after her. However, either he's crazy, or he's an idiot, or he's got a plan to make everyone cannon fodder. Did I say that he, the company owner, is also a relative of ours? You can imagine how twisted the whole situation is.

fooandbarify 16y ago

I don't really know what to tell you, except to offer some encouragement. I'm only a few years older than you, and while my experience was different I have also been through some bad times. Even now, I'm in a very rough spot financially, but I'm on my way out. Everybody goes through their own personal hell sometimes, and in my case I found that the most important keys to getting out of it are determination (which it sounds like you have), an independent and resourceful spirit (which it sounds like you have) and the ability to ask for help (which you just did). Note the last two: never be too proud to ask for help, but never count on getting it, either. Without knowing where you are now, I can't comment on your decision about moving to some other country, but fortunately you have valuable skills which will help you find work anywhere. Definitely consider the cost of living in any country you want to move to compared to the amount of money you can make working remotely - it sounds like you're in an area with comparatively low wages, and by that standard I assume the cost of living in your country is less expensive than, for example, the US.

isthereawayout 16y ago
Thanks. I'm quite sure, I'm in better spot than lots of people that have to struggle for survival on daily basis. I've always dreamed about moving to Asia, probably India (or wherever they speak English, really). Living costs should be even less than here (they're quite low where I live, to be honest) and I heard there are great opportunities for tech guys there. I just wonder if I need some kind of work visa or something like that. Indian HNers, anyone? :)
- raghava 16y ago
  Work visa (and related) rules in India - http://www.mha.nic.in/pdfs/work_visa_faq.pdf http://www.mha.nic.in/pdfs/work_visa_faq.pdf Portal for details about immigration to India - http://www.immigrationindia.nic.in/ http://www.immigrationindia.nic.in/ >>Living costs should be even less Most of the times, yes. However there are differences; afaik, metros like Mumbai or Delhi are costlier than places like Chennai or Bangalore. (And places like Mysore (where I am), cost of living is even lesser; (comes at a cost: no multiplexes / big shopping malls / nightlife etc) US $ 1000 (that'll be approx INR 45,000) per person per month would be more than sufficient to lead a good life) >>heard there are great opportunities for tech guys Indian startup scene is warming up, and _a_lot_ of web 2.0 ones in them. >>Indian HNers You could also try posting in http://hackerstreet.in http://hackerstreet.in Good luck!