6 ms·

Some of the loneliest people are the elderly who have lost their mobility and cannot get around easily. This often happens in your 80s.

DataWorker 7y ago
Much of that is economic. Our society places no value on most people that age. If you have a family they may value you enough to spend their time with you, but that’s giving. Most people have 0 economic value at that age, our political elites excluded.
- mLuby 7y ago
  This is a good (often overlooked) point, but I do think there are also real physical constraints (limited mobility, injury risk, lowered energy) as well as mental ones (including just being from different generations) that increase the difficulty of elders participating fully in society.
- sigstoat 7y ago
  > Much of that is economic. Our society places no value on most people that age. this feels like a theory in search of facts. are your friends hanging out with you simply because of your economic value to them? or weirder, hanging out with you because of your economic value to your employer? there might be a correlation between someone's "economic value" being zero, and them being lonely, but there are a lot of ways that can happen, and direct causation probably isn't one of them.
neuland 7y ago
There are groups that visit housebound elderly people. Or at least, I know that several churches and nursing homes around me do that. Ask around, and I bet you'll be able to find people doing this! These groups are always looking for volunteers.
- Broken_Hippo 7y ago
  In my area, one such service is organised through the red cross. Everyone you visit has requested a visit, so I think it works out well. One might be able to work through them or, time allowing, start a local service doing similar.
Wump 7y ago
I volunteered for home hospice, and met with a 94-year old man for a year. As he would say, "my body is shot, but my mind is sharp" -- and was it ever. What an amazing story he has -- decorated WW2 veteran (he had so many stories to tell about the war), worked in construction for 40+ years, now has an extended family (children, grandchildren, great-grandchildren) that is 100+ strong. At some point, hospice said that he was doing better so they were cancelling their support. I still wanting to see him so I kept going. He wasn't expected that though, and the next week when I showed up he was so appreciative he was in tears. You never know how your presence can affect someone.
- randomsearch 7y ago
  That’s a wonderful story, thank you for both creating it through your actions and sharing it.
- orky56 7y ago
  Unfortunately my hospice volunteering sent me further into depression, perhaps even an existential crisis. I knew the impact of hospice and that was enough reason to put myself in the situation where maybe I could help. The patient I was working with had a stroke. He was paralyzed, completely bedridden, and unable to speak. Despite his ailments, he was able to hear & see properly and thus able to understand me. I would read him books and magazines. Deep down I knew he understood & enjoyed it but the lack of feedback of any kind was frustrating despite knowing his situation was far worse. After months of volunteering, the following day I go in and his bed is empty. As I left, my soul felt emptier than that bed. Is this what my future could entail? Those types of thoughts ate away at me. It was bad enough for me to consider them but far worse to view my own thoughts void of morality and so focused on my self. I wish I could tell myself I'm in a better position today. For today at least, I'll try.
  - Broken_Hippo 7y ago
    Your are not alone in your experience. This causes people working in nursing homes to quit: the death is difficult to deal with, especially if you are working in a capacity to get to know folks. It is difficult knowing folks as they die. Really difficult, and your aftereffects are quite normal. If it keeps eating away at you, there is help available - from people trained to help people through this exact situation. Please consider getting help if it seems too much at any time.
jacquesm 7y ago
Spot on. I have an elderly uncle in that situation, it is super hard on him. He now has a little battery powered scootmobile and it is more precious to him than any car ever was because it increases his radius of operations tremendously, if the weather cooperates just a little bit he's out there. I've been trying to come up with a way to extend the range even further so he can visit his old friends with it. It won't be quick but time is not his problem.

DataWorker 7y ago

Much of that is economic. Our society places no value on most people that age. If you have a family they may value you enough to spend their time with you, but that’s giving. Most people have 0 economic value at that age, our political elites excluded.

mLuby 7y ago
This is a good (often overlooked) point, but I do think there are also real physical constraints (limited mobility, injury risk, lowered energy) as well as mental ones (including just being from different generations) that increase the difficulty of elders participating fully in society.
sigstoat 7y ago
> Much of that is economic. Our society places no value on most people that age. this feels like a theory in search of facts. are your friends hanging out with you simply because of your economic value to them? or weirder, hanging out with you because of your economic value to your employer? there might be a correlation between someone's "economic value" being zero, and them being lonely, but there are a lot of ways that can happen, and direct causation probably isn't one of them.

neuland 7y ago

There are groups that visit housebound elderly people. Or at least, I know that several churches and nursing homes around me do that. Ask around, and I bet you'll be able to find people doing this! These groups are always looking for volunteers.

Broken_Hippo 7y ago
In my area, one such service is organised through the red cross. Everyone you visit has requested a visit, so I think it works out well. One might be able to work through them or, time allowing, start a local service doing similar.

Wump 7y ago

I volunteered for home hospice, and met with a 94-year old man for a year. As he would say, "my body is shot, but my mind is sharp" -- and was it ever. What an amazing story he has -- decorated WW2 veteran (he had so many stories to tell about the war), worked in construction for 40+ years, now has an extended family (children, grandchildren, great-grandchildren) that is 100+ strong. At some point, hospice said that he was doing better so they were cancelling their support. I still wanting to see him so I kept going. He wasn't expected that though, and the next week when I showed up he was so appreciative he was in tears. You never know how your presence can affect someone.

randomsearch 7y ago
That’s a wonderful story, thank you for both creating it through your actions and sharing it.
orky56 7y ago
Unfortunately my hospice volunteering sent me further into depression, perhaps even an existential crisis. I knew the impact of hospice and that was enough reason to put myself in the situation where maybe I could help. The patient I was working with had a stroke. He was paralyzed, completely bedridden, and unable to speak. Despite his ailments, he was able to hear & see properly and thus able to understand me. I would read him books and magazines. Deep down I knew he understood & enjoyed it but the lack of feedback of any kind was frustrating despite knowing his situation was far worse. After months of volunteering, the following day I go in and his bed is empty. As I left, my soul felt emptier than that bed. Is this what my future could entail? Those types of thoughts ate away at me. It was bad enough for me to consider them but far worse to view my own thoughts void of morality and so focused on my self. I wish I could tell myself I'm in a better position today. For today at least, I'll try.
- Broken_Hippo 7y ago
  Your are not alone in your experience. This causes people working in nursing homes to quit: the death is difficult to deal with, especially if you are working in a capacity to get to know folks. It is difficult knowing folks as they die. Really difficult, and your aftereffects are quite normal. If it keeps eating away at you, there is help available - from people trained to help people through this exact situation. Please consider getting help if it seems too much at any time.

jacquesm 7y ago

Spot on. I have an elderly uncle in that situation, it is super hard on him. He now has a little battery powered scootmobile and it is more precious to him than any car ever was because it increases his radius of operations tremendously, if the weather cooperates just a little bit he's out there. I've been trying to come up with a way to extend the range even further so he can visit his old friends with it. It won't be quick but time is not his problem.