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Throwaway for obvious reasons. I was let go due to "financial reasons" because a co-worker brought up her ass to me and my confused reply, which I didn't mean t

Throwaway for obvious reasons. I was let go due to "financial reasons" because a co-worker brought up her ass to me and my confused reply, which I didn't mean to say it loud but being exhausted it slipped part my filter and I mumbled it out loud, was cited as sexual harassment. I immediately apologized either way. She shook her ass at me despite us having no real relationship, me being married, her being 10 years younger than me and her talking about it, but I was sexually harassing her in her eyes. I can say for certain real sexual harrasment happens and I've even put a stop to it in more than one occasion in my management role or at family settings, but I've definitely been falsely accused. I brought up the conversation to my wife the night it happened and she thought it was hilarious because she knows me. Especially back then I was very socially awkward. Something I've worked at for years to get better at. I now work with multiple female coworkers very well, but they are all adults who don't behave like this to me.

alphabettsy 7y ago
She “brought up her ass to you” and your reply “slipped part your filter”. What does any of that mean?
- 0815test 7y ago
  Presumably, it means that OP was made uncomfortable and voiced that discomfort in some way, and she took it badly/got offended for whatever reason. It's hard to say more than that based on what he/she stated - but even that implies that the workplace culture must be quite bad there. Not the sort of place many men would want to work in, for sure!
  - throwaway84538 7y ago
    It was a younger workplace where sexual comments were not uncommon from either gender. For the most part, the more attractive you were the better liked you were by your peers. I actually had a pretty fantastic female boss when I was let go who was helping me work on being less socially awkward. She left me a glowing review on my LinkedIn and she was aware of everything that transpired and what was said. People who know me think this is funny, because they know me and how easily mortified I get when I say something I don't intend to. I'm significantly better now, but it's taken a lot of effort on my part. I've never been an overtly sexual person so this was a really odd situation for me to be in. In the end I ended up with a new job in a different place for lots more money.
- pwinnski 7y ago
  It seems like he said something inappropriate about a coworker's body, but it's still somehow the coworker's fault and a false allegation, according to him. When your self-reporting still makes you sound defensive about bad behavior, you probably need to come to terms with, and take responsibility for, your actions.
  - 0815test 7y ago
    We don't know what OP said (or rather, mumbled out) about her body. From what OP states, it's reasonable to infer that they said "Your body is in my personal space, you're making me uncomfortable" or something to that effect. And then they got in trouble for that, which seems quite indefensible!
    - microwavecamera 7y ago
      That's a straw man argument built on pure conjecture. We're all educated adults here, that not going work.
    - pwinnski 7y ago
      > my confused reply, which I didn't mean to say it loud but being exhausted it slipped part my filter and I mumbled it out loud, was cited as sexual harassment Whatever he said, he immediately apologized for it, and still to this day blames fatigue and confusion and says he didn't mean to say it out loud. So no, it is completely unreasonable to infer anything other than an inappropriate comment. There is not a real world in which people are making innocent statements innocently and losing their jobs. That is a fantasy world that exists in the fever dreams of men who have trouble treating women as people.
      - 0815test 7y ago
        That depends on what you mean by "inappropriate", of course. People say all sorts of things they don't mean to when they're made uncomfortable by something, and the line between "discomfort", "confusion" and "fatigue" is itself quite fuzzy. And yes, they apologized for it immediately afterwards - but apologies themselves can be strategically unwise, and leave one open to manipulative behavior in response to a perceived display of weakness. Their wife certainly didn't seem to think OP's behavior was inappropriate in the way you're implying, and she'd obviously care if it was! All in all, I'm not sure why you seem to be willfully ignoring the whole part where OP explains what prompted their remark (whatever that might have been) in the first place; whether intentional or not, it seems that a somewhat "inappropriate" situation had already occurred by that time.
RandomInteger4 7y ago
Why was this comment flagged?

alphabettsy 7y ago

She “brought up her ass to you” and your reply “slipped part your filter”. What does any of that mean?

0815test 7y ago
Presumably, it means that OP was made uncomfortable and voiced that discomfort in some way, and she took it badly/got offended for whatever reason. It's hard to say more than that based on what he/she stated - but even that implies that the workplace culture must be quite bad there. Not the sort of place many men would want to work in, for sure!
- throwaway84538 7y ago
  It was a younger workplace where sexual comments were not uncommon from either gender. For the most part, the more attractive you were the better liked you were by your peers. I actually had a pretty fantastic female boss when I was let go who was helping me work on being less socially awkward. She left me a glowing review on my LinkedIn and she was aware of everything that transpired and what was said. People who know me think this is funny, because they know me and how easily mortified I get when I say something I don't intend to. I'm significantly better now, but it's taken a lot of effort on my part. I've never been an overtly sexual person so this was a really odd situation for me to be in. In the end I ended up with a new job in a different place for lots more money.
pwinnski 7y ago
It seems like he said something inappropriate about a coworker's body, but it's still somehow the coworker's fault and a false allegation, according to him. When your self-reporting still makes you sound defensive about bad behavior, you probably need to come to terms with, and take responsibility for, your actions.
- 0815test 7y ago
  We don't know what OP said (or rather, mumbled out) about her body. From what OP states, it's reasonable to infer that they said "Your body is in my personal space, you're making me uncomfortable" or something to that effect. And then they got in trouble for that, which seems quite indefensible!
  - microwavecamera 7y ago
    That's a straw man argument built on pure conjecture. We're all educated adults here, that not going work.
  - pwinnski 7y ago
    > my confused reply, which I didn't mean to say it loud but being exhausted it slipped part my filter and I mumbled it out loud, was cited as sexual harassment Whatever he said, he immediately apologized for it, and still to this day blames fatigue and confusion and says he didn't mean to say it out loud. So no, it is completely unreasonable to infer anything other than an inappropriate comment. There is not a real world in which people are making innocent statements innocently and losing their jobs. That is a fantasy world that exists in the fever dreams of men who have trouble treating women as people.
    - 0815test 7y ago
      That depends on what you mean by "inappropriate", of course. People say all sorts of things they don't mean to when they're made uncomfortable by something, and the line between "discomfort", "confusion" and "fatigue" is itself quite fuzzy. And yes, they apologized for it immediately afterwards - but apologies themselves can be strategically unwise, and leave one open to manipulative behavior in response to a perceived display of weakness. Their wife certainly didn't seem to think OP's behavior was inappropriate in the way you're implying, and she'd obviously care if it was! All in all, I'm not sure why you seem to be willfully ignoring the whole part where OP explains what prompted their remark (whatever that might have been) in the first place; whether intentional or not, it seems that a somewhat "inappropriate" situation had already occurred by that time.

RandomInteger4 7y ago

Why was this comment flagged?