6 ms·

> You hear horror stories about men being falsely accused and getting their lives ruined While I have heard these stories, they are all anecdotes that I wasn't

> You hear horror stories about men being falsely accused and getting their lives ruined While I have heard these stories, they are all anecdotes that I wasn't able to verify. Can you give any real cases?

pgsandstrom 7y ago
I dont think OP is necessarily suggesting the fear is justified. But fear does influence our actions, and can be really hard to reason your way out of.
- reboog711 7y ago
  Very valid point, thank you!
throwaway84538 7y ago
Throwaway for obvious reasons. I was let go due to "financial reasons" because a co-worker brought up her ass to me and my confused reply, which I didn't mean to say it loud but being exhausted it slipped part my filter and I mumbled it out loud, was cited as sexual harassment. I immediately apologized either way. She shook her ass at me despite us having no real relationship, me being married, her being 10 years younger than me and her talking about it, but I was sexually harassing her in her eyes. I can say for certain real sexual harrasment happens and I've even put a stop to it in more than one occasion in my management role or at family settings, but I've definitely been falsely accused. I brought up the conversation to my wife the night it happened and she thought it was hilarious because she knows me. Especially back then I was very socially awkward. Something I've worked at for years to get better at. I now work with multiple female coworkers very well, but they are all adults who don't behave like this to me.
- alphabettsy 7y ago
  She “brought up her ass to you” and your reply “slipped part your filter”. What does any of that mean?
  - 0815test 7y ago
    Presumably, it means that OP was made uncomfortable and voiced that discomfort in some way, and she took it badly/got offended for whatever reason. It's hard to say more than that based on what he/she stated - but even that implies that the workplace culture must be quite bad there. Not the sort of place many men would want to work in, for sure!
    - throwaway84538 7y ago
      It was a younger workplace where sexual comments were not uncommon from either gender. For the most part, the more attractive you were the better liked you were by your peers. I actually had a pretty fantastic female boss when I was let go who was helping me work on being less socially awkward. She left me a glowing review on my LinkedIn and she was aware of everything that transpired and what was said. People who know me think this is funny, because they know me and how easily mortified I get when I say something I don't intend to. I'm significantly better now, but it's taken a lot of effort on my part. I've never been an overtly sexual person so this was a really odd situation for me to be in. In the end I ended up with a new job in a different place for lots more money.
  - pwinnski 7y ago
    It seems like he said something inappropriate about a coworker's body, but it's still somehow the coworker's fault and a false allegation, according to him. When your self-reporting still makes you sound defensive about bad behavior, you probably need to come to terms with, and take responsibility for, your actions.
    - 0815test 7y ago
      We don't know what OP said (or rather, mumbled out) about her body. From what OP states, it's reasonable to infer that they said "Your body is in my personal space, you're making me uncomfortable" or something to that effect. And then they got in trouble for that, which seems quite indefensible!
      - 7y ago
- RandomInteger4 7y ago
  Why was this comment flagged?
deleted 7y ago
[deleted]
belorn 7y ago
If we define the scope to people accused and not found guilty, then there are a lot of such cases. During #metoo there were three major cases in Swedish news, two which where the accused were not found guilty and one where the accused was found guilty. For the two where the accused was not found guilty, they both lost all employment and had to flee the country for months with their family, received death threats, and so on. The justice ombudsman found basically all the major news papers guilty of unethical reporting regard those two individuals, and there is ongoing cases regarding slander and illegal termination of employment.

pgsandstrom 7y ago

I dont think OP is necessarily suggesting the fear is justified. But fear does influence our actions, and can be really hard to reason your way out of.

reboog711 7y ago
Very valid point, thank you!

throwaway84538 7y ago

Throwaway for obvious reasons. I was let go due to "financial reasons" because a co-worker brought up her ass to me and my confused reply, which I didn't mean to say it loud but being exhausted it slipped part my filter and I mumbled it out loud, was cited as sexual harassment. I immediately apologized either way. She shook her ass at me despite us having no real relationship, me being married, her being 10 years younger than me and her talking about it, but I was sexually harassing her in her eyes. I can say for certain real sexual harrasment happens and I've even put a stop to it in more than one occasion in my management role or at family settings, but I've definitely been falsely accused. I brought up the conversation to my wife the night it happened and she thought it was hilarious because she knows me. Especially back then I was very socially awkward. Something I've worked at for years to get better at. I now work with multiple female coworkers very well, but they are all adults who don't behave like this to me.

alphabettsy 7y ago
She “brought up her ass to you” and your reply “slipped part your filter”. What does any of that mean?
- 0815test 7y ago
  Presumably, it means that OP was made uncomfortable and voiced that discomfort in some way, and she took it badly/got offended for whatever reason. It's hard to say more than that based on what he/she stated - but even that implies that the workplace culture must be quite bad there. Not the sort of place many men would want to work in, for sure!
  - throwaway84538 7y ago
    It was a younger workplace where sexual comments were not uncommon from either gender. For the most part, the more attractive you were the better liked you were by your peers. I actually had a pretty fantastic female boss when I was let go who was helping me work on being less socially awkward. She left me a glowing review on my LinkedIn and she was aware of everything that transpired and what was said. People who know me think this is funny, because they know me and how easily mortified I get when I say something I don't intend to. I'm significantly better now, but it's taken a lot of effort on my part. I've never been an overtly sexual person so this was a really odd situation for me to be in. In the end I ended up with a new job in a different place for lots more money.
- pwinnski 7y ago
  It seems like he said something inappropriate about a coworker's body, but it's still somehow the coworker's fault and a false allegation, according to him. When your self-reporting still makes you sound defensive about bad behavior, you probably need to come to terms with, and take responsibility for, your actions.
  - 0815test 7y ago
    We don't know what OP said (or rather, mumbled out) about her body. From what OP states, it's reasonable to infer that they said "Your body is in my personal space, you're making me uncomfortable" or something to that effect. And then they got in trouble for that, which seems quite indefensible!
    - 7y ago
RandomInteger4 7y ago
Why was this comment flagged?

deleted 7y ago

[deleted]

belorn 7y ago

If we define the scope to people accused and not found guilty, then there are a lot of such cases. During #metoo there were three major cases in Swedish news, two which where the accused were not found guilty and one where the accused was found guilty. For the two where the accused was not found guilty, they both lost all employment and had to flee the country for months with their family, received death threats, and so on. The justice ombudsman found basically all the major news papers guilty of unethical reporting regard those two individuals, and there is ongoing cases regarding slander and illegal termination of employment.