Oh, you are handling those calls all wrong. On the odd times I do actually pick up I choose from a handful of possible replies: 1. I am in prison for vehicular

Oh, you are handling those calls all wrong. On the odd times I do actually pick up I choose from a handful of possible replies: 1. I am in prison for vehicular manslaughter and how did you get my burner cell phone number? 2. I was in a horrible accident in that car and my life is ruined, thanks for bringing it up. 3. The more general "I only have 6 months to live" I use as a catch-all for ending any of these calls: sure I am lying, are you bold enough to call me on it? #3 makes me think I should talk to my wife about being ready for me to hand off the phone in that situation.