When ORM's work as expected, they are wonderful, but when they don't, you can waste a lot of time figuring out why because they are complex contraptions with lo

When ORM's work as expected, they are wonderful, but when they don't, you can waste a lot of time figuring out why because they are complex contraptions with lots of parts and rules. They are black boxes, or at least dark gray boxes such that if they don't produce the expected answer, your hair will turn light-gray trying to figure them out. I would suggest using "sub-helpers", utilities that make using SQL and/or stored procedures easier, but don't hide all of the SQL when you don't want to. They automate the common grunt-work, but you are not forced to use them if they don't apply to a situation. Come up with shop conventions for how and where to join, how to handle reference tables, etc. Then automate/abstract around these conventions. Tune based on lessons from the last application and they will improve over time. It's difficult to get abstractions right the first time. In other words, wrap and automate the repetitious parts primarily. Use abstraction where it works best and don't use it where it doesn't.