4 ms·

Game of Crones

51 points by danso 8y ago

danso 8y ago
> But the man who would become my second husband desired a child, so I made a child happen. That’s our dynamic. He writes checks; I make things happen. As noted, I have money of my own, but he out-earns me by a factor of 10-to-1 and he talks a good socialist game on Twitter, so our arrangement seems only fair. It’s not specifically relevant to her experience as a mother or her established career as a professional writer, but the author’s husband is David Simon, best known for creating of “The Wire” (among other HBO shows). Her reference to his Twitter persona made me laugh :)
yellowapple 8y ago
Tangent from the article: apparently there's an American Girl Doll space pack, and now that's on the radar for my American-Girl-Doll-obsessed nieces (perhaps for Christmas?). Maybe not the full-blown spaceship, though (that'd blow out my Christmas budget); the spacesuit looks pretty neat, though.
- bertil 8y ago
  Thank you: that was definitely the part that I expected HN to react to.
Zanni 8y ago
Wow. I didn't expect to enjoy an article about an "old mom," but this was fantastic. Her voice is so direct and engaging. This reads more like a blog post that just happens to be brilliant. Now I want to read one of her novels.
wazoox 8y ago
I know someone who's naturally born of a 50 years old mother, completely accidentally and unplanned. So this could happen, too.
kalleboo 8y ago
The only thing I gleaned from this piece is "be rich; don't be poor"
- danso 8y ago
  Even knowing that the author was well off (despite both she and her husband starting out as newspaper reporters), I was still expecting to read about how hard it is to just be a mother, period. Was not expecting it to also be about what it takes to be a mom at 50 and still aspire to publish a new novel per year.
- el_cujo 8y ago
  Seriously, I get the sense that the take-away is intended to be "you can be an older woman and still have a career AND a child if you just work hard!" when really material wealth seems to be a bigger factor. She even mentions having a fulltime nanny for the first four years of the kid's life. It's not that surprising that your rate of book writing only slightly slows when you have hired help for the hardest years of child-rearing. This sentiment is lampshaded several times but is still way understated. I'm not trying to say that her experience was easy, I'm sure it was really hard. I just think the empowering "you can do it too" message is severely undercut by the privilege.
  - caprese 8y ago
    > I get the sense that the take-away is intended to be "you can be an older woman and still have a career AND a child if you just work hard!" I didn't get that impression > I just think the empowering "you can do it too" message is severely undercut by the privilege. I didn't get that impression > She even mentions having a fulltime nanny for the first four years of the kid's life. I aspire to have this, two even. I wouldn't consider these "rites of passage" without a seriously baller situation: Two ridiculously attractive au-pairs sunbathing on the roofdeck of my penthouse. A spouse that is either accustomed to the privilege from their own upbringing, or so "lucky" to be in this situation that they don't challenge this outcome whatsoever. A gaggle of people at the airport on our own travels to Tuscany. Two of which are women that don't look like us who rotate out every year or two. Many times, wealth allows you to fulfill aspirations only to find out that NOBODY ELSE has actually fulfilled this actual fantasy, and that there is no blueprint anymore. I enjoy reading how people deal and apply themselves. I can't really relate to this idea that it has to be an egalitarian and inclusive blueprint for people it wasn't even about.
rnernento 8y ago
It's interesting that if you google her this comes up: https://www.nytimes.com/2016/10/30/style/modern-love-my-biological-clock-cant-tick-fast-enough.html https://www.nytimes.com/2016/10/30/style/modern-love-my-biol...
- caprese 8y ago
  > I was just moving along the path I thought we were supposed to be on. Consistent Also many people go through the motions of trying to make a baby eventually - or any of the rites of passage - she did it for a year with a husband and moved on. Checked the societal box one year out of the 30 adult years before she did it. It would be interesting to figure out if the universe came through, and/or he got his sperm count fixed and/or she got her uterus lining fixed to help with the discomfort.
caprese 8y ago
> he out-earns me by a factor of 10-to-1 and he talks a good socialist game on Twitter I appreciate this author and her recognition of privilege
snarf21 8y ago
Really enjoyed her writing style. This was the most telling part of the story and our search for meaning in life as reflected in the eyes of a child. "... This summer, because of my job, she will return to Tuscany, her fourth visit. She has stayed in luxury hotels, flown in business class, eaten at five-star restaurants, sat in premium seats at Broadway musicals. But she says the most fun she ever had was the result of three off-brand dart guns that retailed for $9.99 each. I believe her."

51 points by danso 8y ago

> But the man who would become my second husband desired a child, so I made a child happen. That’s our dynamic. He writes checks; I make things happen. As noted, I have money of my own, but he out-earns me by a factor of 10-to-1 and he talks a good socialist game on Twitter, so our arrangement seems only fair. It’s not specifically relevant to her experience as a mother or her established career as a professional writer, but the author’s husband is David Simon, best known for creating of “The Wire” (among other HBO shows). Her reference to his Twitter persona made me laugh :)

yellowapple 8y ago

Tangent from the article: apparently there's an American Girl Doll space pack, and now that's on the radar for my American-Girl-Doll-obsessed nieces (perhaps for Christmas?). Maybe not the full-blown spaceship, though (that'd blow out my Christmas budget); the spacesuit looks pretty neat, though.

bertil 8y ago
Thank you: that was definitely the part that I expected HN to react to.

Zanni 8y ago

Wow. I didn't expect to enjoy an article about an "old mom," but this was fantastic. Her voice is so direct and engaging. This reads more like a blog post that just happens to be brilliant. Now I want to read one of her novels.

wazoox 8y ago

I know someone who's naturally born of a 50 years old mother, completely accidentally and unplanned. So this could happen, too.

kalleboo 8y ago

The only thing I gleaned from this piece is "be rich; don't be poor"

danso 8y ago
Even knowing that the author was well off (despite both she and her husband starting out as newspaper reporters), I was still expecting to read about how hard it is to just be a mother, period. Was not expecting it to also be about what it takes to be a mom at 50 and still aspire to publish a new novel per year.
el_cujo 8y ago
Seriously, I get the sense that the take-away is intended to be "you can be an older woman and still have a career AND a child if you just work hard!" when really material wealth seems to be a bigger factor. She even mentions having a fulltime nanny for the first four years of the kid's life. It's not that surprising that your rate of book writing only slightly slows when you have hired help for the hardest years of child-rearing. This sentiment is lampshaded several times but is still way understated. I'm not trying to say that her experience was easy, I'm sure it was really hard. I just think the empowering "you can do it too" message is severely undercut by the privilege.
- caprese 8y ago
  > I get the sense that the take-away is intended to be "you can be an older woman and still have a career AND a child if you just work hard!" I didn't get that impression > I just think the empowering "you can do it too" message is severely undercut by the privilege. I didn't get that impression > She even mentions having a fulltime nanny for the first four years of the kid's life. I aspire to have this, two even. I wouldn't consider these "rites of passage" without a seriously baller situation: Two ridiculously attractive au-pairs sunbathing on the roofdeck of my penthouse. A spouse that is either accustomed to the privilege from their own upbringing, or so "lucky" to be in this situation that they don't challenge this outcome whatsoever. A gaggle of people at the airport on our own travels to Tuscany. Two of which are women that don't look like us who rotate out every year or two. Many times, wealth allows you to fulfill aspirations only to find out that NOBODY ELSE has actually fulfilled this actual fantasy, and that there is no blueprint anymore. I enjoy reading how people deal and apply themselves. I can't really relate to this idea that it has to be an egalitarian and inclusive blueprint for people it wasn't even about.

rnernento 8y ago

It's interesting that if you google her this comes up: https://www.nytimes.com/2016/10/30/style/modern-love-my-biological-clock-cant-tick-fast-enough.html https://www.nytimes.com/2016/10/30/style/modern-love-my-biol...

caprese 8y ago
> I was just moving along the path I thought we were supposed to be on. Consistent Also many people go through the motions of trying to make a baby eventually - or any of the rites of passage - she did it for a year with a husband and moved on. Checked the societal box one year out of the 30 adult years before she did it. It would be interesting to figure out if the universe came through, and/or he got his sperm count fixed and/or she got her uterus lining fixed to help with the discomfort.

caprese 8y ago

> he out-earns me by a factor of 10-to-1 and he talks a good socialist game on Twitter I appreciate this author and her recognition of privilege

snarf21 8y ago

Really enjoyed her writing style. This was the most telling part of the story and our search for meaning in life as reflected in the eyes of a child. "... This summer, because of my job, she will return to Tuscany, her fourth visit. She has stayed in luxury hotels, flown in business class, eaten at five-star restaurants, sat in premium seats at Broadway musicals. But she says the most fun she ever had was the result of three off-brand dart guns that retailed for $9.99 each. I believe her."