Because the pain is bearable if you've survived this long. Emotional pain can be controlled in ways physical pain can't. I wouldn't dare delegitimize your feel

Because the pain is bearable if you've survived this long. Emotional pain can be controlled in ways physical pain can't. I wouldn't dare delegitimize your feelings, so understand that isn't what is intended when I say that it is all in your head. >when I do feel very suicidal, I can tell you I don't care what anyone thinks. That right there, thats antisocial. You aren't considering those around you. Do you have no family? No friends? No coworkers? Nobody? Even people who "truly have nobody" usually have people around them that they aren't appreciating. People who would be devastated, and feel guilty for the rest of their life. It also is murder of your future self potential. You have absolutely no clue what the future holds, what your interaction with it might be, and in a sense you have no right to take that from your future self. Personally I see this as equivalent to murder. I've been in dark places before, and I am very very very happy that my past self didn't kill present me. Suicide is a bug in the human program, it must be allowed in order for us to be able to think freely, but it is absolutely never the correct option for anyone that isn't terminally ill and on their deathbed already. (assisted suicide for physical issues with no potential good future makes sense. Suicide for anything else is almost certainly a mistake, an incorrect action) Please get help, talk to people around you. Look at what causes the pain you feel and think about if you maybe are holding onto assumptions about how the world works that are keeping you from exploring what's good in life. One perspective I've seen is that nobody should be truly suicidal ever, because once you are, you may as well just do anything and everything you can imagine, you're already going to die, so why not during something exciting. Theres an irony in it, since someone suicidal often may not feel they even have doing anything they could imagine as an option, and if they were to actually do such things, they'd likely no longer be suicidal. If you at all can, try to do the things. I don't know what else to say, I've been in a place where I'd say similar things as you do, and looking back it was absolutely wrong. Not that you are bad at all, but you are wrong in the way you are looking at things, and that, at least in part, is causing your pain. The real cause of the pain is something only you know, best of luck dealing with it.