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This really doesn't relate too much, but I've realized over time that I'm essentially in love with one of my best friends (of the opposite gender). We've been

This really doesn't relate too much, but I've realized over time that I'm essentially in love with one of my best friends (of the opposite gender). We've been friends for 10 years, and just spending time around her makes me feel so relaxed and satisfied with life, it's a unique feeling to someone like me who hasn't been in much of a relationship so far in my life. I'm able to maintain a good friendship despite this, and I guess I just treat it as some weird thing. I'm super grateful for the friendship we have, and it's amazing that these feelings persist even though I now only see her a couple of times a year. I think part of me hoped we'd end up dating at some point, but I find that highly unlikely to work given certain circumstances. Either way, I remain grateful for what I have, and hope to find someone else that I'm able to relate to emotionally in the same way.

claytoneast 7y ago
Weird to read this as I've recently discovered exactly the same thing with a friend in my life. Relaxed and satisfied with life, that is precisely how I feel around her. Thanks for putting this to words.
expressrunning 7y ago
Thank you for sharing your story! I believe that is what love is as well. Love is when you see a very flawed individual and someone with a bad past and behaviors. And you are hopeful for them because of their potential and changed outlook. Love is seeing them with a significant other and knowing that you have zero chance of ever being with them, because of circumstances or past events, and yet would do anything and everything for that person. And you have done that, giving up all money/time, and taking in personal pains, just so you can see a smile, or knowing they are in a better place. Love is for an individual totally unrelated to you, isn’t an obligation (family members) or part of lust. Love is knowing that they will be alright at the end of the day. And you shared something special with them. And if you don’t see them for the next 50 years, you would hope for their happiness every day.
- malvosenior 7y ago
  > Love is seeing them with a significant other and knowing that you have zero chance of ever being with them, because of circumstances or past events, and yet would do anything and everything for that person. And you have done that, giving up all money/time, and taking in personal pains, just so you can see a smile, or knowing they are in a better place. This is pretty toxic tbh. If you really feel this way about someone who has a significant other that they're serious about, the best thing you can do is leave their life (if you really can't get your feelings under control). No good will come from a one sided relationship with someone who not only is unrequited but also happily involved with someone else. It's not fair to any of the three parties involved. If you really want what's best for them, let them go.
  - majos 7y ago
    Yeah. As much as I think "toxic" is overused, it's definitely not helpful to you or the person you "love" or the person they love to pine after the "beloved" forever. I mean, wouldn't you feel weird if somebody had these very strong feelings for you that you just could not reciprocate? Would that make you want to keep the relationship going, or would it make you feel a queasy mixture of guilty, flattered, and uncomfortable?
tempromance1 7y ago
Same here. Friends for 5 or 6 years. All the same feelings you mentioned. Thought it would never go anywhere but was happy with it as it was. She initiated it being something more. Now we're coming up to our 4th wedding anniversary and I can confidently say both of us could not be any happier and we're even trying for kids. Anything can happen. Never say never.
- emit_time 7y ago
  Congrats! She's asexual, so I don't think it'd work out.
raducu 7y ago
To me, what you describe would be long-term love. I've fallen in love very few times, but the last one(about 5 years ago) felt 95% like being on high quality stimulants. I felt like I could conquer mountains, pick up any new habbit for her, that life was so bright and fun, I felt like I was the best version of myself when I was around her, that I was always at 110% performance; I found every gesture, look and verbal habbits stick in my head; I would just up and leave in the middle of work meetings because we were having lunch together. When I randomly met her at the subway my knees would go weak.
scarface74 7y ago
Just the opposite happened with me. When I first met one of my friends we were in college over 20 years ago and I was very attracted to her. She had an older boyfriend, and I knew I couldn’t compete. I was also not seriously dating someone. We became good friends. We graduated, we moved about five hours away but still remained good friends. We would see each other about three or four times a year. She was still dating the guy. Fast forward 12 years. I was divorced, she was single with two kids and reconnected. We became very close, took vacations together but this time, there was no romantic connection. We talked about getting involved on an academic level but we both knew we would be settling. It was just a comfortable, unstressful, “safe” relationship. I started dating my now wife five years after my divorce and one of the hardest things was detaching from my friendship with her but I knew it wouldn’t be healthy for my relationship with my wife. I have another close friend that I met when she was a freshman in high school and I was a senior. We stayed in touch off an on and would hang out. She’s objective attractive, we used to have fun when we hung out as adults, she was easy to talk to, but I could never see her as a romantic interest. It was just weird thinking about her that way.

claytoneast 7y ago

Weird to read this as I've recently discovered exactly the same thing with a friend in my life. Relaxed and satisfied with life, that is precisely how I feel around her. Thanks for putting this to words.

expressrunning 7y ago

Thank you for sharing your story! I believe that is what love is as well. Love is when you see a very flawed individual and someone with a bad past and behaviors. And you are hopeful for them because of their potential and changed outlook. Love is seeing them with a significant other and knowing that you have zero chance of ever being with them, because of circumstances or past events, and yet would do anything and everything for that person. And you have done that, giving up all money/time, and taking in personal pains, just so you can see a smile, or knowing they are in a better place. Love is for an individual totally unrelated to you, isn’t an obligation (family members) or part of lust. Love is knowing that they will be alright at the end of the day. And you shared something special with them. And if you don’t see them for the next 50 years, you would hope for their happiness every day.

malvosenior 7y ago
> Love is seeing them with a significant other and knowing that you have zero chance of ever being with them, because of circumstances or past events, and yet would do anything and everything for that person. And you have done that, giving up all money/time, and taking in personal pains, just so you can see a smile, or knowing they are in a better place. This is pretty toxic tbh. If you really feel this way about someone who has a significant other that they're serious about, the best thing you can do is leave their life (if you really can't get your feelings under control). No good will come from a one sided relationship with someone who not only is unrequited but also happily involved with someone else. It's not fair to any of the three parties involved. If you really want what's best for them, let them go.
- majos 7y ago
  Yeah. As much as I think "toxic" is overused, it's definitely not helpful to you or the person you "love" or the person they love to pine after the "beloved" forever. I mean, wouldn't you feel weird if somebody had these very strong feelings for you that you just could not reciprocate? Would that make you want to keep the relationship going, or would it make you feel a queasy mixture of guilty, flattered, and uncomfortable?

tempromance1 7y ago

Same here. Friends for 5 or 6 years. All the same feelings you mentioned. Thought it would never go anywhere but was happy with it as it was. She initiated it being something more. Now we're coming up to our 4th wedding anniversary and I can confidently say both of us could not be any happier and we're even trying for kids. Anything can happen. Never say never.

emit_time 7y ago
Congrats! She's asexual, so I don't think it'd work out.

raducu 7y ago

To me, what you describe would be long-term love. I've fallen in love very few times, but the last one(about 5 years ago) felt 95% like being on high quality stimulants. I felt like I could conquer mountains, pick up any new habbit for her, that life was so bright and fun, I felt like I was the best version of myself when I was around her, that I was always at 110% performance; I found every gesture, look and verbal habbits stick in my head; I would just up and leave in the middle of work meetings because we were having lunch together. When I randomly met her at the subway my knees would go weak.

scarface74 7y ago

Just the opposite happened with me. When I first met one of my friends we were in college over 20 years ago and I was very attracted to her. She had an older boyfriend, and I knew I couldn’t compete. I was also not seriously dating someone. We became good friends. We graduated, we moved about five hours away but still remained good friends. We would see each other about three or four times a year. She was still dating the guy. Fast forward 12 years. I was divorced, she was single with two kids and reconnected. We became very close, took vacations together but this time, there was no romantic connection. We talked about getting involved on an academic level but we both knew we would be settling. It was just a comfortable, unstressful, “safe” relationship. I started dating my now wife five years after my divorce and one of the hardest things was detaching from my friendship with her but I knew it wouldn’t be healthy for my relationship with my wife. I have another close friend that I met when she was a freshman in high school and I was a senior. We stayed in touch off an on and would hang out. She’s objective attractive, we used to have fun when we hung out as adults, she was easy to talk to, but I could never see her as a romantic interest. It was just weird thinking about her that way.