8 ms·

I don't know if you have children yet, but I regret to inform you if you don't that significant sleep deprivation is in your future unless you plan to extensive

I don't know if you have children yet, but I regret to inform you if you don't that significant sleep deprivation is in your future unless you plan to extensively involve caregivers outside of you and your spouse.

rimliu 8y ago
No necessary. We were lucky, but our daugher gave us very little trouble in this regards. She was breastfed, so feeding her at night was a minimum hassle at night and wife barely had to wake up for it. Not sure where on the rule-exception continuum this expierience falls, but my point is that having a newborn does not guaranty you an miserable existance in the zombie mode.
- bluejekyll 8y ago
  Based on my personal experience with two kids, it’s completely random what type of kid you’ll get. My first would wake every hour at night and require a lot of effort to get back to sleep, this lasted until he was at least a year. My second was far better, but still created sleep deprived parents for the first four months. Having at least 3-4 months of an infant after birth (the forth trimester) be difficult to sleep and calm down is quite normal. And based on the anecdotal data from my friends in similar points of their lives, even average. The outliers are the ones who sleep through the night immediately (which can be dangerous) and those who wake up every sleep cycle.
  - virgilp 8y ago
    I was sure that SOME things you can control, but now I believe you just have some variable amount of influence - in the end, luck matters a lot. E.g. we managed to "train" our first two kids to eat well, but the third broke us. At some point, we were begging her, "eat this cupcake, it has chocolate!". Taught me to refrain from judging other parents.
    - sbov 8y ago
      Yeah, every kid is different, and every parent is different. Our first actually taught us this lesson. We have friends with really, really easy kids. Our oldest - 4 years old now - is... tough. She has always been very hard headed. She has always stood up for herself and what she wants. She is persistent. My friends joke about how someday she is going to conquer the world. Our twins are much easier. And much "better" behaved at similar ages. Sometimes you get what you get.
    - cookiecaper 8y ago
      Yes. I remember scoffing when my grandmother, who raised 11 children, tried to warn me that I wouldn't have as much control as I envisioned early on. Most of us seriously overestimate the amount of influence that parents have. By the time you get to 3, it's pretty evident that each child comes pre-built with their own unique tour-de-force of personality, and parents are just as beholden to it as anyone else.
- asark 8y ago
  A small percentage of kids are probably hard to deal with when it comes to sleep no matter what you do, but most of the parents I've seen with kids who still often wake them up past the 4-6mo range are training their kids to do it. They can't possibly realize they are or they'd surely stop, but they are. This is usually combined with waiting way too late to start trying to sleep-train.
  - lr4444lr 8y ago
    I hate being that guy who asks where you infer it's a "small percentage", but my anecdata are that disrupted sleep is the norm. Yes, it got better after the first 3 months. Then there were multiple - very natural, I hear - sleep regressions: expansive brain growth which led to night talking/nightmares, teething, illnesses, fluctuations in natural body temperature regulation... kids are rapidly evolving creatures, and habits/pattern/training are great to instill, but there are a lot disruptors both natural and environmental.
- richmarr 8y ago
  > She was breastfed, so feeding her at night was a minimum hassle at night... Appreciate you may not have meant to imply this, but breastfeeding does not mean minimum hassle at night. We lived on about 3-5 hours a night for about 18 months. You got lucky.
- flareback 8y ago
  I have 4 kids and all were breastfed. My wife would get up or feed them laying down. She never asked me to get up as her thinking was that at least one of us should not be sleep deprived. I have friends where the husband would get up and change the diaper and then hand the baby to the wife which meant both got less sleep and they always complained about lack of sleep.
ambicapter 8y ago
If you know you've got a big expense in your future, its all the more reason not to spend frivolously while you can.
heymijo 8y ago
Yes, I am aware. Thank you.
andrei_says_ 8y ago
Cosleeping can dramatically reduce sleep deprivation for parents. We humans have evolved to cosleep with our babies. In a cosleeping situation the baby does not experience terror (a baby left alone in nature has zero survival chances so this terror is programmed and so leaving a baby to sleep alone is counterproductive and cruel), can feel the warmth and heartbeat of the mother, can feed without and before fully waking up or waking up the mother.
- wiredfool 8y ago
  Can. Possibly. Your mileage on this may vary, as I went something like 9 years over three kids without having significantly undisturbed sleep.
- frosted-flakes 8y ago
  Isn't the risk of accidentally suffocating the baby quite high when co-sleeping? I think I'd prefer a bed-side crib.
  - gknoy 8y ago
    Normally, the crib is attached next to the bed - with an open side facing the bed so that nursing is more convenient. They still sleep on the firm surface needed in a crib (to prevent suffocation, as you noted). That's still a lot closer and more comforting [for them] than having it be in a different room.
  - blotter_paper 8y ago
    I would rather roll the dice on a one-off suffocation than subject a young mammal to a separate sleeping cage in the darkness of night, personally. What other mammals make their young sleep not in a pile?
    - loco5niner 8y ago
      > I would rather roll the dice on a one-off suffocation than... WHAT!? No way. SIDS (Sudden Infant Death Syndrome) is a real danger and not something to be dismissed lightly. http://www.idph.state.il.us/sids/sids_factsheet.htm http://www.idph.state.il.us/sids/sids_factsheet.htm

rimliu 8y ago

No necessary. We were lucky, but our daugher gave us very little trouble in this regards. She was breastfed, so feeding her at night was a minimum hassle at night and wife barely had to wake up for it. Not sure where on the rule-exception continuum this expierience falls, but my point is that having a newborn does not guaranty you an miserable existance in the zombie mode.

bluejekyll 8y ago
Based on my personal experience with two kids, it’s completely random what type of kid you’ll get. My first would wake every hour at night and require a lot of effort to get back to sleep, this lasted until he was at least a year. My second was far better, but still created sleep deprived parents for the first four months. Having at least 3-4 months of an infant after birth (the forth trimester) be difficult to sleep and calm down is quite normal. And based on the anecdotal data from my friends in similar points of their lives, even average. The outliers are the ones who sleep through the night immediately (which can be dangerous) and those who wake up every sleep cycle.
- virgilp 8y ago
  I was sure that SOME things you can control, but now I believe you just have some variable amount of influence - in the end, luck matters a lot. E.g. we managed to "train" our first two kids to eat well, but the third broke us. At some point, we were begging her, "eat this cupcake, it has chocolate!". Taught me to refrain from judging other parents.
  - sbov 8y ago
    Yeah, every kid is different, and every parent is different. Our first actually taught us this lesson. We have friends with really, really easy kids. Our oldest - 4 years old now - is... tough. She has always been very hard headed. She has always stood up for herself and what she wants. She is persistent. My friends joke about how someday she is going to conquer the world. Our twins are much easier. And much "better" behaved at similar ages. Sometimes you get what you get.
  - cookiecaper 8y ago
    Yes. I remember scoffing when my grandmother, who raised 11 children, tried to warn me that I wouldn't have as much control as I envisioned early on. Most of us seriously overestimate the amount of influence that parents have. By the time you get to 3, it's pretty evident that each child comes pre-built with their own unique tour-de-force of personality, and parents are just as beholden to it as anyone else.
asark 8y ago
A small percentage of kids are probably hard to deal with when it comes to sleep no matter what you do, but most of the parents I've seen with kids who still often wake them up past the 4-6mo range are training their kids to do it. They can't possibly realize they are or they'd surely stop, but they are. This is usually combined with waiting way too late to start trying to sleep-train.
- lr4444lr 8y ago
  I hate being that guy who asks where you infer it's a "small percentage", but my anecdata are that disrupted sleep is the norm. Yes, it got better after the first 3 months. Then there were multiple - very natural, I hear - sleep regressions: expansive brain growth which led to night talking/nightmares, teething, illnesses, fluctuations in natural body temperature regulation... kids are rapidly evolving creatures, and habits/pattern/training are great to instill, but there are a lot disruptors both natural and environmental.
richmarr 8y ago
> She was breastfed, so feeding her at night was a minimum hassle at night... Appreciate you may not have meant to imply this, but breastfeeding does not mean minimum hassle at night. We lived on about 3-5 hours a night for about 18 months. You got lucky.
flareback 8y ago
I have 4 kids and all were breastfed. My wife would get up or feed them laying down. She never asked me to get up as her thinking was that at least one of us should not be sleep deprived. I have friends where the husband would get up and change the diaper and then hand the baby to the wife which meant both got less sleep and they always complained about lack of sleep.

ambicapter 8y ago

If you know you've got a big expense in your future, its all the more reason not to spend frivolously while you can.

heymijo 8y ago

Yes, I am aware. Thank you.

andrei_says_ 8y ago

Cosleeping can dramatically reduce sleep deprivation for parents. We humans have evolved to cosleep with our babies. In a cosleeping situation the baby does not experience terror (a baby left alone in nature has zero survival chances so this terror is programmed and so leaving a baby to sleep alone is counterproductive and cruel), can feel the warmth and heartbeat of the mother, can feed without and before fully waking up or waking up the mother.

wiredfool 8y ago
Can. Possibly. Your mileage on this may vary, as I went something like 9 years over three kids without having significantly undisturbed sleep.
frosted-flakes 8y ago
Isn't the risk of accidentally suffocating the baby quite high when co-sleeping? I think I'd prefer a bed-side crib.
- gknoy 8y ago
  Normally, the crib is attached next to the bed - with an open side facing the bed so that nursing is more convenient. They still sleep on the firm surface needed in a crib (to prevent suffocation, as you noted). That's still a lot closer and more comforting [for them] than having it be in a different room.
- blotter_paper 8y ago
  I would rather roll the dice on a one-off suffocation than subject a young mammal to a separate sleeping cage in the darkness of night, personally. What other mammals make their young sleep not in a pile?
  - loco5niner 8y ago
    > I would rather roll the dice on a one-off suffocation than... WHAT!? No way. SIDS (Sudden Infant Death Syndrome) is a real danger and not something to be dismissed lightly. http://www.idph.state.il.us/sids/sids_factsheet.htm http://www.idph.state.il.us/sids/sids_factsheet.htm