4 ms·
I prefer the author's version. What you have gained in brevity, you have lost many times over in tone, pace and depth. The author's repetitions are not errors
by ABCLAW 7y ago
I prefer the author's version.
What you have gained in brevity, you have lost many times over in tone, pace and depth.
The author's repetitions are not errors - they highlight his insistence. Additionally, despite ample pronoun use, his text is clear and illustrative of his point.
- cgriswald 7y agoI don’t even prefer the first sentence: The “I’d suggest” is completely redundant. The rest of it is more difficult to read and parse than the GP’s version, while the pacing seems slow and the path through the content muddled. To each his own, I guess.
- aetherson 7y agoI don't think that the author's complaints about overuse of pronouns are meant to include the first or second person, just the third.
- scott_s 7y agoSame. The edited version loses the author's voice - which is what good editing is not supposed to. And the aside about same-sex romance authors goes from a personal anecdote to a general statement. Personal anecdotes are more entertaining.