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Even your "charitable" interpretation is obviously not charitable. "Yeah, you're not skilled at this" is not what people mean when they say "be yourself", unles

Even your "charitable" interpretation is obviously not charitable. "Yeah, you're not skilled at this" is not what people mean when they say "be yourself", unless by "this" you mean "emulate other people". Instead, what they mean is "You are naturally skilled enough at this thing, so stop doubting yourself and just stick with your natural skill/gut"

SilasX 8y ago
If it's not charitable, then at least it's usually correct. People giving the advice are generally unaware of what it's like to be naturally skilled at social interaction, and think it's just a matter or relaxing and enjoying yourself. If they think "you're naturally skilled at this", they're usually mistaken. My charitable version is what people would say if they could be honest and were aware of the relevant facts on the ground.
- djakjxnanjak 8y ago
  I’ve had the experience of thinking that I had terrible social skills for most of my live, then getting treatment for depression and anxiety and suddenly finding that socializing is easy. In my case, the problem really was my own fears and overanalysis about myself. My problems couldn’t be fixed merely by someone telling me to “be myself”, but they had the right idea.
- deleted 8y ago
  [deleted]
- jamescostian 8y ago
  > If they think "you're naturally skilled at this", they're usually mistaken. We have completely different anecdata. I've said and heard people say "be yourself" many times. Rarely have I seen it go awry. Typically the people who say "be yourself" are naturally skilled at social interaction, so they can read whether the person is also able to socialize and make the right decision. But I can see how someone who lacks social skills might repeat the saying without even noticing the level of social skills of the person they're saying it to. Much like what this commenter was talking about: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=19702757 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=19702757
  - jdsully 8y ago
    Your imaging a direct 1:1 scenario where the phrase is said referencing a specific moment. The problem is this advice is also given generically in one to many contexts or in writing form where there is no temporal component.
    - jamescostian 8y ago
      You're right, giving advice to a wide audience increases the chances of it harming people.

SilasX 8y ago

If it's not charitable, then at least it's usually correct. People giving the advice are generally unaware of what it's like to be naturally skilled at social interaction, and think it's just a matter or relaxing and enjoying yourself. If they think "you're naturally skilled at this", they're usually mistaken. My charitable version is what people would say if they could be honest and were aware of the relevant facts on the ground.

djakjxnanjak 8y ago
I’ve had the experience of thinking that I had terrible social skills for most of my live, then getting treatment for depression and anxiety and suddenly finding that socializing is easy. In my case, the problem really was my own fears and overanalysis about myself. My problems couldn’t be fixed merely by someone telling me to “be myself”, but they had the right idea.
deleted 8y ago
[deleted]
jamescostian 8y ago
> If they think "you're naturally skilled at this", they're usually mistaken. We have completely different anecdata. I've said and heard people say "be yourself" many times. Rarely have I seen it go awry. Typically the people who say "be yourself" are naturally skilled at social interaction, so they can read whether the person is also able to socialize and make the right decision. But I can see how someone who lacks social skills might repeat the saying without even noticing the level of social skills of the person they're saying it to. Much like what this commenter was talking about: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=19702757 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=19702757
- jdsully 8y ago
  Your imaging a direct 1:1 scenario where the phrase is said referencing a specific moment. The problem is this advice is also given generically in one to many contexts or in writing form where there is no temporal component.
  - jamescostian 8y ago
    You're right, giving advice to a wide audience increases the chances of it harming people.