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> Children ... ought to be given autonomy over themselves, their property, and their privacy No no no. My 10 year old child definitely should not have adult-l

> Children ... ought to be given autonomy over themselves, their property, and their privacy No no no. My 10 year old child definitely should not have adult-level autonomy. It is my responsibility as a good parent to train my child by limiting aspects of their life. My children do not have unsupervised access to the internet. They do not have unlimited screen time. They cannot go on social networks and make friends with random people. It is my job as a parent to not abuse my position as a parent. But I would fail my children greatly if I gave them autonomy over many aspects of their life. As they prove themselves adept at self-regulation, growing wisdom and good judgement then, and only then, do I grant them more autonomy.

Sir_Cmpwn 8y ago
It's fair to say that there's a balance to be struck here, but I think that strapping a spying device on their wrist is far from that balance. Most parents grant them that autonomy you're talking about way, WAY too slowly. Would you let a 5 year old walk a couple of blocks down to the corner store to buy milk alone? If your answer is no, you're on the "too slow" side of the spectrum in my opinion.
- sokoloff 8y ago
  I tend to be fairly permissive, but having a 5-year old walk a couple blocks (by definition, crossing at least one street and likely multiple) is not on the right side of the risk spectrum for me. I suspect this depends largely on the local traffic situation (controlled intersections vs not, crosswalks vs not, prevailing traffic speeds and density, etc).
  - Sir_Cmpwn 8y ago
    Your kid can dart into the street even when you're with them. You should teach your kids about traffic safety at an early age, and ideally have made this particular trip with them several times before so that they (1) know how to behave and (2) don't get lost and (3) have been introduced to the shopkeep and others in the neighborhood. It's pretty easy to gradually ramp up to this and to continue ramping up to more indepdendence at a much faster pace than most parents do.
lostmyoldone 8y ago
Autonomy is, as almost everything, not binary. And no, most children can not handle adult level autonomy at age 10, but if some child can, then they should be allowed. Frankly, I wouldn't be very surprised if the amount of 10 years old that can handle adult level autonomy is greater than the amount of 25 year olds who can't. Working with "problematic" kids I came to a few conclusions, all of which I obviously can't know to be correct, but still. The first and foremost was approximately this: One should almost never assume what children can, and can't do. The individual differences seem to be wider than the oceans, and the only way to really know is to teach, trust, and fearless observation. Most kids will know if you don't trust them, I've seen some 6 years old be "mortally" afraid on an adventure course for kids, as long as their parents were in view. When they could no longer see their parents, their courage grew by the second, and they did their small zipline with the proudest smile one can imagine. It's quite scary, as a parent, to observe the power we wield. That our fears can directly create fear in our children, even if we try to hide them. These parents were supportive and encouraging, but they had their own fears, fears which they couldn't hide well enough, and the kids knew instantly, and instinctively.
djsumdog 8y ago
Do they get unsupervised free play time with other children without adults watching? This is something previous generations grew up with, that modern kids (those currently in university) do not have, and there is evidence it affects the way they look at the world in pretty negative ways.

Sir_Cmpwn 8y ago

It's fair to say that there's a balance to be struck here, but I think that strapping a spying device on their wrist is far from that balance. Most parents grant them that autonomy you're talking about way, WAY too slowly. Would you let a 5 year old walk a couple of blocks down to the corner store to buy milk alone? If your answer is no, you're on the "too slow" side of the spectrum in my opinion.

sokoloff 8y ago
I tend to be fairly permissive, but having a 5-year old walk a couple blocks (by definition, crossing at least one street and likely multiple) is not on the right side of the risk spectrum for me. I suspect this depends largely on the local traffic situation (controlled intersections vs not, crosswalks vs not, prevailing traffic speeds and density, etc).
- Sir_Cmpwn 8y ago
  Your kid can dart into the street even when you're with them. You should teach your kids about traffic safety at an early age, and ideally have made this particular trip with them several times before so that they (1) know how to behave and (2) don't get lost and (3) have been introduced to the shopkeep and others in the neighborhood. It's pretty easy to gradually ramp up to this and to continue ramping up to more indepdendence at a much faster pace than most parents do.

lostmyoldone 8y ago

Autonomy is, as almost everything, not binary. And no, most children can not handle adult level autonomy at age 10, but if some child can, then they should be allowed. Frankly, I wouldn't be very surprised if the amount of 10 years old that can handle adult level autonomy is greater than the amount of 25 year olds who can't. Working with "problematic" kids I came to a few conclusions, all of which I obviously can't know to be correct, but still. The first and foremost was approximately this: One should almost never assume what children can, and can't do. The individual differences seem to be wider than the oceans, and the only way to really know is to teach, trust, and fearless observation. Most kids will know if you don't trust them, I've seen some 6 years old be "mortally" afraid on an adventure course for kids, as long as their parents were in view. When they could no longer see their parents, their courage grew by the second, and they did their small zipline with the proudest smile one can imagine. It's quite scary, as a parent, to observe the power we wield. That our fears can directly create fear in our children, even if we try to hide them. These parents were supportive and encouraging, but they had their own fears, fears which they couldn't hide well enough, and the kids knew instantly, and instinctively.

djsumdog 8y ago

Do they get unsupervised free play time with other children without adults watching? This is something previous generations grew up with, that modern kids (those currently in university) do not have, and there is evidence it affects the way they look at the world in pretty negative ways.