Hah, it’s funny, I just had an opportunity to confirm the utility of manners on the subway this morning. There was a creepy guy staring at people, looking for g

Hah, it’s funny, I just had an opportunity to confirm the utility of manners on the subway this morning. There was a creepy guy staring at people, looking for god knows what kind of victim, but certainly set on causing trouble. The situation drove home that the old advice that it’s impolite to stare has, at times, at deeper sognificance and purpose than simple étiqueté. In this case staring, in combination with other signfifiers is one of the signs others pick up on web trying to determine whether or not you’re a stable human being. On the other side, staring at someone who is deranged or looking for victims can put you in a lot of danger as it’s essentially an open invitation for them to mess with you. So, certainly, a great deal of manners are simply class signifiers, but some of them also have utility in other situations. They sometimes not only signal class but also convey your degree of general approachability/sociability to another person. Even the innocuous ones can have subtle effects. For example, putting your elbows on the table may naturally inch your body into a position in which you’re leaning in more toward the conversation, which in some situations can be a bad signal and seem overly eager or aggressive—of course in some situations the same gesture can convey a deep interest the discussion. Leaning back with one’s hands off the table can instead convey a respectable openness to discussion, or, in certain situations, disinterest. It all depends. I don’t think the rules of etiquette have to be hard and fast all the time. They’re better used as helpful reminders about how our subtle or even unconscious gestures contribute to a conversation.