3 ms·

Because many people enjoy casual social touching. Personally, I find it pleasing when someone gives my arm a squeeze or gives me a hug when I am leaving. But I

by Veen 8y ago

Because many people enjoy casual social touching. Personally, I find it pleasing when someone gives my arm a squeeze or gives me a hug when I am leaving. But I would find it awkward to be asked "Do I have consent to sqeeze your arm". For me, and for many people, touch is a comforting gesture of affection and I'd be sad if people felt that they couldn't interact with me in that way. I'm English and we don't do much casual touching. But when I shared a house with French people, they were visibly offended when I pulled back from a casual kiss on the cheek to say hello and goodbye. Getting used to it cost me nothing and eventually it became natural to me. I have a South African friend of Indian descent, he's much more tactile than is usual in friendships between straight males in the UK. Again, I was uncomfortable at first, but I adjusted because I value the friendship. I am at a loss as to why people feel that their discomfort is the overriding factor in any situation. Sometimes, it's the uncomfortable one who needs to make an adjustment.

seba_dos1 8y ago
I find it pleasing too, but it's strange nevertheless. That strange feeling goes away when the person that does it is not an emotional stranger anymore - I'm touching my partner all the time and she touches me too because we know each other and we know that we like and accept (or even expect) it. My friends get to know me and can safely interact with me in many ways other people can't and with them we can get really touchy (or not, depending on the person). From others, I do expect that "do I have consent" question. It sounded strange for me too in the past, but I've actually been in places where such questions are a social norm and in practice they work really well. I'm a kind of person who always replies "yes" anyway, but thanks to that question the awkwardness somewhat goes away. The only sane alternative to asking that question is not touching at all until becoming emotionally connected.

by Veen 8y ago

seba_dos1 8y ago

I find it pleasing too, but it's strange nevertheless. That strange feeling goes away when the person that does it is not an emotional stranger anymore - I'm touching my partner all the time and she touches me too because we know each other and we know that we like and accept (or even expect) it. My friends get to know me and can safely interact with me in many ways other people can't and with them we can get really touchy (or not, depending on the person). From others, I do expect that "do I have consent" question. It sounded strange for me too in the past, but I've actually been in places where such questions are a social norm and in practice they work really well. I'm a kind of person who always replies "yes" anyway, but thanks to that question the awkwardness somewhat goes away. The only sane alternative to asking that question is not touching at all until becoming emotionally connected.