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The problem with setting social rules, is they always seem to line up exactly with what the currently dominant group defines "normal", in my experience. The wo

The problem with setting social rules, is they always seem to line up exactly with what the currently dominant group defines "normal", in my experience. The worst advice I was given as a child was "treat others as you wish to be treated", because it is awful advice when moving in to a significantly different set of people.

benj111 8y ago
"treat others as you wish to be treated" It's a useful minimum surely? How else should you treat a significantly different set of people? Yes once you get to know them, you learn how they want to be treated (mainly?) based on how they treat you and others. Are you talking about using general formal politeness?
- CJefferson 8y ago
  The problem is it sounds seductive, but fails when your rules of pilteness don't line up with other people's. For example, I hate being asked questions multiple times. Therefore when i went to ubiversity, if I asked someone is they wanted me to buy a round, and they said no, I would not accept the answer. After some months I discovered I was considered tight, as the first offer is always refused, so "doesn't count".
  - benj111 8y ago
    Right, but 'first contact' situations generally call for both sides to be forgiving of the other side. Theres plenty of time over the ensuing months to communicate your preferences. FWIW I wouldn't say theres a particular rule requiring offering to buy a round multiple times, so I'd have have been viewed as tight also, even if I was trying to fit in with normal convention.
apacheCamel 8y ago
I believe "treat others as you wish to be treated" should be taken from a much higher approach than "if you like to be hugged, hug others". I've always seen it as more of "respect others and they will respect you." I still think it can apply to this situation though. Instead of setting social rules, we should show respect for the people we are interacting with.
- CJefferson 8y ago
  I think that's trying too hard to read something better into a bad saying :) going straight to your suggested "respect others and they will respect you." seems like a better lesson.

benj111 8y ago

"treat others as you wish to be treated" It's a useful minimum surely? How else should you treat a significantly different set of people? Yes once you get to know them, you learn how they want to be treated (mainly?) based on how they treat you and others. Are you talking about using general formal politeness?

CJefferson 8y ago
The problem is it sounds seductive, but fails when your rules of pilteness don't line up with other people's. For example, I hate being asked questions multiple times. Therefore when i went to ubiversity, if I asked someone is they wanted me to buy a round, and they said no, I would not accept the answer. After some months I discovered I was considered tight, as the first offer is always refused, so "doesn't count".
- benj111 8y ago
  Right, but 'first contact' situations generally call for both sides to be forgiving of the other side. Theres plenty of time over the ensuing months to communicate your preferences. FWIW I wouldn't say theres a particular rule requiring offering to buy a round multiple times, so I'd have have been viewed as tight also, even if I was trying to fit in with normal convention.

apacheCamel 8y ago

I believe "treat others as you wish to be treated" should be taken from a much higher approach than "if you like to be hugged, hug others". I've always seen it as more of "respect others and they will respect you." I still think it can apply to this situation though. Instead of setting social rules, we should show respect for the people we are interacting with.

CJefferson 8y ago
I think that's trying too hard to read something better into a bad saying :) going straight to your suggested "respect others and they will respect you." seems like a better lesson.