5 ms·

This is another trouble with dating apps. How can you possibly make a meaningful connection with another person through an app? There's nothing but a profile pi

This is another trouble with dating apps. How can you possibly make a meaningful connection with another person through an app? There's nothing but a profile pic and some generic text. These "creepy" guys would likely be totally fine in an informal, real-world situation. They would be all right in the workplace, sports club, college study group or by coming along a group of friends, being introduced in person. They can hold conversations, but are subject to the imbalanced dating mechanics as discussed exhaustively in this thread. (This doesn't excuse some of the weaker shit that some guys seem to try though.) Fortunately there are niches in society where regular guys are in high demand by attractive women, and observing that is fascinating. Has there just been a war and all the decent guys died? Ah no, were are just here.

skohan 8y ago
Thankfully I'm currently off the market, but I've spent some time in the Tinder subreddit out of morbid curiosity. The Tinder "mating dance" so far as it's celebrated in that community seems to consist of some combination of the following: 1. Forced puns about the girl's name. 2. Long, extremely high-effort descriptions of hypothetical scenarios to establish how "unique" the suitor is. 3. Awkward double-entendres and transitions to a sexual topic. It just strikes me what a weird filter this is for who gets to have sex, and how nice it is to meet people in real-life. I think one of the saddest things, if true, are the reports that younger generations are more likely to view any real-world approaches as inappropriate as the online alternative has now been designated the official channel for meeting people.
jamescostian 8y ago
If they would be fine in an informal, real-world situation, why can't they do the same via an app? All the things you would say in real life can be said via dating apps. You miss body language, but GIFs, emojis, and memes can help clarify.
- UweSchmidt 8y ago
  I can see how it is difficult for women to empathic about the situation. Due to the asymmetry in dating as outlined elsewhere in this thread and proven with loads of data the average guy has little success with online dating compared to the average women, giving you little opportunity to appreciate the challenges many men face with a very basic need. Those curious messages in your inbox are not just as your personal trouble (why don't more suitable mates show up?) but also as a symptom of a changing society that sees growing individualism, stratification, weird one-way relationships with social media and much more... and that all of this produces many losers that no one gives a shit about.
  - jamescostian 8y ago
    I am a (not good looking) man, who dates women, so I'm not sure what you're talking about. I too was once a virgin, I too was once someone with a bad tinder profile. There have been 2 times when I have started Tinder conversations with sex immediately. There have been times when I have been awful at making conversations. There have been times I've received a message and thought "Shit, now I have to respond! How do I respond to that? I need to keep the conversation going... What can I say though????? Ughhh" As someone who has also struggled, I can tell you the biggest thing (once you've both swiped right, and before you've actually gone on a date) is conversation. Because they've swiped right, they already accepted however you looked in your tinder pics. Now you just need them to actually like the conversation you have with them. I'm pretty good at conversing in real life, but initially found it weird that I'd struggle to write out a message when there was so much more time to respond. There were even times when I thought to myself "man, if I could just meet up with her in real life this would go so much smoother", and I occasionally even tried (and always failed) to speed up the small talk and get to the dating part. But after a good 2 days, I realized I was treating texting differently than real life conversations because I was giving myself too much time to respond. So I stopped doing that, started treating texting more like real, face to face discussion, and did very well (again, all despite my looks). I'm not a woman telling men "It's easy to date us, you just suck." I'm a man who has been in your shoes, and is telling you how to step up your game (without saying outlandish things like "get plastic surgery" or "completely change your personality").

skohan 8y ago

Thankfully I'm currently off the market, but I've spent some time in the Tinder subreddit out of morbid curiosity. The Tinder "mating dance" so far as it's celebrated in that community seems to consist of some combination of the following: 1. Forced puns about the girl's name. 2. Long, extremely high-effort descriptions of hypothetical scenarios to establish how "unique" the suitor is. 3. Awkward double-entendres and transitions to a sexual topic. It just strikes me what a weird filter this is for who gets to have sex, and how nice it is to meet people in real-life. I think one of the saddest things, if true, are the reports that younger generations are more likely to view any real-world approaches as inappropriate as the online alternative has now been designated the official channel for meeting people.

jamescostian 8y ago

If they would be fine in an informal, real-world situation, why can't they do the same via an app? All the things you would say in real life can be said via dating apps. You miss body language, but GIFs, emojis, and memes can help clarify.

UweSchmidt 8y ago
I can see how it is difficult for women to empathic about the situation. Due to the asymmetry in dating as outlined elsewhere in this thread and proven with loads of data the average guy has little success with online dating compared to the average women, giving you little opportunity to appreciate the challenges many men face with a very basic need. Those curious messages in your inbox are not just as your personal trouble (why don't more suitable mates show up?) but also as a symptom of a changing society that sees growing individualism, stratification, weird one-way relationships with social media and much more... and that all of this produces many losers that no one gives a shit about.
- jamescostian 8y ago
  I am a (not good looking) man, who dates women, so I'm not sure what you're talking about. I too was once a virgin, I too was once someone with a bad tinder profile. There have been 2 times when I have started Tinder conversations with sex immediately. There have been times when I have been awful at making conversations. There have been times I've received a message and thought "Shit, now I have to respond! How do I respond to that? I need to keep the conversation going... What can I say though????? Ughhh" As someone who has also struggled, I can tell you the biggest thing (once you've both swiped right, and before you've actually gone on a date) is conversation. Because they've swiped right, they already accepted however you looked in your tinder pics. Now you just need them to actually like the conversation you have with them. I'm pretty good at conversing in real life, but initially found it weird that I'd struggle to write out a message when there was so much more time to respond. There were even times when I thought to myself "man, if I could just meet up with her in real life this would go so much smoother", and I occasionally even tried (and always failed) to speed up the small talk and get to the dating part. But after a good 2 days, I realized I was treating texting differently than real life conversations because I was giving myself too much time to respond. So I stopped doing that, started treating texting more like real, face to face discussion, and did very well (again, all despite my looks). I'm not a woman telling men "It's easy to date us, you just suck." I'm a man who has been in your shoes, and is telling you how to step up your game (without saying outlandish things like "get plastic surgery" or "completely change your personality").