3 ms·

It's true that people would like to think that personality and emotional connection matter more than physical appearance. And I am glad that some of it is the c

It's true that people would like to think that personality and emotional connection matter more than physical appearance. And I am glad that some of it is the case. Heck, I would like to believe that is the majority of cases. But you can't deny the fact that people do make snap judgements on each other based on physical appearance alone. It's not even about dating. It's probably something wired to our brain. Now if the above is true, why won't you care about your physical appearance? Why leave something that important on the table?

throwawayjava 8y ago
Snap judgements exist, but IMO most are non-committal. You'll notice people who are very attractive or very unattractive, but most people you simply won't immediately react to sexually (well, except when you're 15). Of all the women I've dated, only 1 said she noticed me (either way) before first developing a reasonably close friendship. For the big middle, personality has a huge effect on perception. See e.g. https://psychcentral.com/news/2007/11/30/personality-influences-perceived-attractiveness/1597.html https://psychcentral.com/news/2007/11/30/personality-influen... > why won't you care about your physical appearance? Why leave something that important on the table? Well, certainly don't be a slob. And not just because of dating! Dressing poorly and appearing unkept effects other parts of life too (e.g. career). Also, exercise is important for all sorts of reasons aside from attractiveness. But other than being generally healthy and well-kept, I don't focus on my appearance because grooming is boring. Why spend your time grooming beyond a level of general acceptability when you could learn to play an instrument, learn a new language, read a book, or go for a hike? If all you focus on is appearances, don't be surprised when the only people who find you even remotely interesting are other people who focus a lot on appearances.
- arvinsim 8y ago
  > But other than being generally healthy and well-kept, I don't focus on my appearance because grooming is boring. Why spend your time grooming beyond a level of general acceptability when you could learn to play an instrument, learn a new language, read a book, or go for a hike? You're right. But I never said that we should focus on appearance to the exclusivity of everything else. In that we agree. But there are people laboring under the idea that you can neglect it by making up for it in other areas. That's what I am trying to refute.

throwawayjava 8y ago

Snap judgements exist, but IMO most are non-committal. You'll notice people who are very attractive or very unattractive, but most people you simply won't immediately react to sexually (well, except when you're 15). Of all the women I've dated, only 1 said she noticed me (either way) before first developing a reasonably close friendship. For the big middle, personality has a huge effect on perception. See e.g. https://psychcentral.com/news/2007/11/30/personality-influences-perceived-attractiveness/1597.html https://psychcentral.com/news/2007/11/30/personality-influen... > why won't you care about your physical appearance? Why leave something that important on the table? Well, certainly don't be a slob. And not just because of dating! Dressing poorly and appearing unkept effects other parts of life too (e.g. career). Also, exercise is important for all sorts of reasons aside from attractiveness. But other than being generally healthy and well-kept, I don't focus on my appearance because grooming is boring. Why spend your time grooming beyond a level of general acceptability when you could learn to play an instrument, learn a new language, read a book, or go for a hike? If all you focus on is appearances, don't be surprised when the only people who find you even remotely interesting are other people who focus a lot on appearances.

arvinsim 8y ago
> But other than being generally healthy and well-kept, I don't focus on my appearance because grooming is boring. Why spend your time grooming beyond a level of general acceptability when you could learn to play an instrument, learn a new language, read a book, or go for a hike? You're right. But I never said that we should focus on appearance to the exclusivity of everything else. In that we agree. But there are people laboring under the idea that you can neglect it by making up for it in other areas. That's what I am trying to refute.