You want leverage more than you want technique. Not leverage in the sense that you're going to be cutthroat. You just want to you know what you're worth. If yo

You want leverage more than you want technique. Not leverage in the sense that you're going to be cutthroat. You just want to you know what you're worth. If you make 100k, and some other company is willing to offer you 130k, then you can prove you're worth at least that. The request for a raise isn't a fight: your employment is an agreement. You believe you're worth a certain amount, and some employer has to agree with you. Whatever number you both agree on is your paycheck. If you don't have leverage in the form of proof that you're worth more, it might be too easy to get caught up in emotion. This advice depends on what sort of person you are. I'm pretty shy too, and I don't like asking for things like raises. The point of getting another offers is to help depersonalize things. "Hello sir, I have another offer for this much, but I'm very happy at this company. I can't ignore what's best for me and my family, but I wanted to check if there was something we could do to keep me here." That approach won't be best for everyone in every situation, but the point (as other posters have noted) is to depersonalize it to the extent that it's just about the money. If your current employer is affronted, you can be prepared to really change jobs. This might mean really waiting to ask until you've gone through an interview, etc.