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Do you ever have a problem saying no to people? Some times I am wrangling internally and that has an emotional cost. I find that being super crystal clear on w

Do you ever have a problem saying no to people? Some times I am wrangling internally and that has an emotional cost. I find that being super crystal clear on where I stand is absolutely necessary to be able to say no.

karussell 8y ago
Yes, exactly. Saying 'no' is a very important skill you should have. Of course you can learn it too (like I did :)) Also it is very important to reverse the emotional costs. I mean, usually people come to your repo and demand/ask for a feature. Instead of feeling overwhelmed from this request, say that you welcome contributions and without this this feature won't happen and the feature request will be closed (after 1/2 a year). Or if it is a bug report, ask for a reproduce with the latest master and so on ... so: try to reverse the demand to offload your maintaining work if it is no longer fun to you :)
- StavrosK 8y ago
  I usually say something like "I find this very useful and will work on it", "I think this is good but will probably not have time, so feel free to issue a PR for me to review if you want it", "I will accept a PR but not really expend effort to make this myself", or "I will not accept PRs for this as I don't think it's in scope, but feel free to import my library into your extension if you want".
- fourthark 8y ago
  It's often hard to tell the difference between doing this honestly, and just stonewalling. Even when I'm completely honest about it and would like to see the fix happen, there is a level of my mind where I'm all, "great, now they won't respond and I can forget about this."
StavrosK 8y ago
I never have a problem saying no. I have a problem saying no in a way that will make the other person happy, but I'm working on it and I think I manage well enough lately, but the "no" gets said regardless. It's a very important skill, as people are donating their time to helping you out, even if they're complaining about something. Especially for collaborators, I want them to feel like I listened to them and that I have concrete reasons for rejecting their proposal, even if the reason is "I don't believe this is in scope for this project, but maybe it could be implemented a layer above or as a plug-in". You aren't doing anyone any favors if you say yes to everything.

karussell 8y ago

Yes, exactly. Saying 'no' is a very important skill you should have. Of course you can learn it too (like I did :)) Also it is very important to reverse the emotional costs. I mean, usually people come to your repo and demand/ask for a feature. Instead of feeling overwhelmed from this request, say that you welcome contributions and without this this feature won't happen and the feature request will be closed (after 1/2 a year). Or if it is a bug report, ask for a reproduce with the latest master and so on ... so: try to reverse the demand to offload your maintaining work if it is no longer fun to you :)

StavrosK 8y ago
I usually say something like "I find this very useful and will work on it", "I think this is good but will probably not have time, so feel free to issue a PR for me to review if you want it", "I will accept a PR but not really expend effort to make this myself", or "I will not accept PRs for this as I don't think it's in scope, but feel free to import my library into your extension if you want".
fourthark 8y ago
It's often hard to tell the difference between doing this honestly, and just stonewalling. Even when I'm completely honest about it and would like to see the fix happen, there is a level of my mind where I'm all, "great, now they won't respond and I can forget about this."

StavrosK 8y ago

I never have a problem saying no. I have a problem saying no in a way that will make the other person happy, but I'm working on it and I think I manage well enough lately, but the "no" gets said regardless. It's a very important skill, as people are donating their time to helping you out, even if they're complaining about something. Especially for collaborators, I want them to feel like I listened to them and that I have concrete reasons for rejecting their proposal, even if the reason is "I don't believe this is in scope for this project, but maybe it could be implemented a layer above or as a plug-in". You aren't doing anyone any favors if you say yes to everything.