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Pretty sure I burned myself out three years ago, while launching a big thing for my business. Basically, I ran a live course, and it happened right after some t

by graeme 8y ago

Pretty sure I burned myself out three years ago, while launching a big thing for my business. Basically, I ran a live course, and it happened right after some travel that had already been scheduled, so I had no downtime. It was all rush, rush, rush for 2-3 months straight. This basically set me up for the next several years in business, and I'm glad I did it, but ooof was the penalty high. This makes me think 1. Good heavens, most people burning out don't even get this upside, and 2. If I had just structured things somewhat differently or canceled the travel, I probably could have gotten the benefit while avoiding years of fatigue Watch out, because it's hard to know what will break you until it does break you. And what breaks quickly takes longer to fix. I generally try to cultivate a high degree of slack in everything that I do: I ignored it once, and paid for it. Symptoms were: * Messed up sleep * a sort of "deadening" where I felt less joy in regular things * A constant sense of being overwhelmed * Worsened digestive troubles * Less ability to tolerate caffeine (I ended up quitting it) * More muscle tension * Lack of focus, tendency towards distraction * More short term thinking And other stuff I can't remember now. It's basically all fixed, and I feel great. One quibble with the article: "Burnout is caused by chronic stress, not stressors, the Nagoskis say in their book. It’s important to differentiate the two. Stressors are external: to-do lists, financial problems or anxiety about the future. Stress, on the other hand, “is the neurological and physiological shift that happens in your body when you encounter [stressors],” the Nagoskis write. To fix burnout, people need to address the stress itself. They must allow their body to complete its stress response cycle. Instead, people tend to focus on stressors. “They assume their stress will go away if they’re on top of things, if they’re accomplishing things and constantly checking things off their to-do list,” Emily Nagoski says." --> I found that removing stressors by addressing them and getting rid of the source of the stressor was extremely helpful. But not in a "do the whole todo list" sense. Rather, thinking about what leads to repeat stressors in my life, and eliminating that. Could be as simple as decluttering the house, improving sleep, changing cooking habits, etc. Anything in the daily routine that eliminates a pressure and lets your system cope better with the remaining stressors. Also a big part of it was working less.

taurath 8y ago
Find what you dread, and what you avoid. If it’s your job change your job - if it’s your home life, change your home life.
save_ferris 8y ago
Thank you for sharing this. I've been experiencing these exact symptoms for several months now and I've struggled to understand it. I don't like talking about it at work because I don't want to be seen as damaged/ineffective, but it's really weighing on me these days.
- graeme 8y ago
  No problem. It can be a hard and long problem to solve, but it gets better with time and space. Everyone's experience is different, but one thing I can say is this: the size of a problem is not necessarily proportional to the effect it will have on you in this state. For instance, I had a reduced ability to multitask. Multitasking is one of those things where holding even three simple things in your head can be hard. So, don't beat yourself up if an apparently simple situation is causing you stress. What seems simple may not be, given how humans are wired. And you have a reduced capacity while burnt out. What you can do is look for things that trigger situations. Then see if you can reconfigure things so that the trigger is eliminated. It's also helpful to look for physical signs. For example, in my case, I would get a tension in my neck, when inhaling. This happened after a stressor. Paying attention to this let me identify stressors and deal with them. I also was able to work on it from the other end. Basically, my system was identifying minor threats as larger threats. So, I did something called square breathing. Basically: Stressor --> awareness --> hold breathe, count to 4 --> exhale, then inhale --> hold breathe while inhaled, count to four. Repeat if necessary. It was like a pattern interrupt. The body wanted to go "minor stressor --> red alert!!!!!!". The breathing interrupted this and demonstrated to the body "see, no threat. Cancel the alarms". After doing that for a few weeks I basically no longer have to do it, except in rare cases. Though that was some time in to the burnout, so some other stuff may have fixed itself in the meantime. YMMV, including with the specific way in which you do breathing. Another thing: sleep as if your life depends on it. Good sleep helps every other thing and especially burnout. I recognize that saying this can make the problem worse. So: if you are awake at night, and can't sleep: don't sweat it. Don't sweat the one offs. Instead, look for causes and solutions. I improved my sleep by working on light exposure. I wrote more on that here a couple of days ago: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=19507938 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=19507938 Working on the general environment helped fixed my sleep. I still have occasional off nights, but the rhythm is better. Sleep may not be your issue. The point is, to the extent you're able, get outside of a situation, analyze it, look for stressors, and consider the full rational situation. Basically your job is to teach your body to align its (presently damaged) threat response systems to the actual situation, which is presumably not an acute threat. Some or much of this may not apply to you, so take the bits that do apply. And good luck!
rawrmaan 8y ago
This is so close to my experience it’s amazing. I’ve found that disconnecting from any technology for 2 hours straight on any given day (harder than it should be) will 100% of the time make me feel much better. I think that it relates to the stress response cycle you’re talking about. If I give my body and mind time away from stressors, I can make quick progress to escaping the “constantly overwhelmed” feeling.
- graeme 8y ago
  I have two anecdotes on that point: 1. Last April, I took two weeks to go to Cuba and work on some non-internet connected work. Cuba has little internet, so this was easy to do. It was incredibly relaxing, and I made a fair bit of progress in reducing stress. Also generated a lot of helpful insights. Obviously, you have to go back at some point, and when I did, much of the stress returned. But the time away was helpful, and looking back at it, insights I gained during that time proved helpful over the long run. 2. Figuring out how to manage your devices. Which parts are valuable, which parts aren't, and which part need to be limited? Actually, in Cuba I had a bit of a revelation: my smartphone was an incredibly device. It took pictures, let me make voice notes, make written notes, do reminders, etc. Not connected to the internet, it was a wonderful assistant, and I was able to use it and quickly put it down. Back home, I found the things that sucked me in were: * Twitter. If I'm not careful I can end up reading too many timelines * Reddit. Certain subreddits for tech news * Hacker News. 1-2x per day is a great addition to my life. Constantly returning is not. * Newspaper site. I get great value out of a subscription to the financial times. But it also generates far more than I can or should read. So, how to deal with this? I first tried a system using the Shortcuts app on iPhone. Basically, I could only access those sites by going through a shortcut routine, and logging visits in a spreadsheet. (this was done automatically) This worked, but ultimately it proved too cumbersome and easy to circumvent, and I eventually slipped out of it. Instead, I used a tool that was in my netgear router. They have an integration with Circle by Disney, aimed at letting parents control their children's browsing. Instead, I used it to control myself. I'm actually paying monthly to use it, and paying extra for their management profile I can install on my iPhone and cellular connected iPad, so stuff gets filtered even off wifi. And....it actually works. Obviously, I can circumvent the system, but it takes more effort than any of the inbuilt blocking systems. I also removed my vpn from my iOS devices: I realized I basically never was on public wifi anymore. Removal of the VPN made it harder to circumvent the monitoring. So, now I can't go on those sites on my phone or iPad. I can go on them on my computer. But this hasn't been an issue so far: I've found I'm not likely to spend a ton of time idly browsing at a computer. I generally just use it for work now. If that ever changes, I'll change the filter settings. But, I do want some of those sites. So, I went through each category, and asked: * Do they have a podcast? * Do they have an email newsletter? What I ended up doing was for the ones with podcasts, I just use those. So, I no longer read Apple news on reddit, I just get updates from podcasts, which don't have the same effect for me. For the FT, I just signed up to a bunch of their weekly newsletters and get digests. I did the same with one person on twitter, and made a weekly email reminder to visit the twitter of one other person, who posts infrequently. I got some HN digests too. So at lunch, I have my designated time to look at distractions on a screen, and I go through the emails. This doesn't take very long at all. Basically 20 min a day covers all the reading I want to do, but I could easily spend 2 hours instead if uncontrolled. This was my major issue, yours may vary. Other than news, I also culled notifications, and handle all my email from a computer now. I find I process faster, and I don't really have anything urgent. My phone is now much closer to being a tool, and less a source of distraction. I think the daily disconnection you're doing is great. If you can get extended time away on your next vacation, and/or if you can do some analysis to figure out specifically what is causing the stress from your tech, that can help. Good luck!
tyfon 8y ago
I second the do less work in total but also do more focused work. I had to take a break for a couple months now where I worked only half days and I've also focused on 1-2 projects instead of being the "person who does everything". The company I'm working for has gone from a small start-up to a company of 150 people in a few years and while the business grew much of the organizational structure has not followed up and I ended up taking too much responsibility. I've also been "on" for the last five years without the ability to completely relax even on vacations since I was just a phone call away and there was a lot of stuff that only I could do. At one point I was ready to toss the phone in the toilet or smash it against a rock or something. Smart phones are a major source of stress. I'm back full time now and feel much better but the key is removing the stressors as you call them and focus on fewer things. I've removed a lot of my previous "only me" tasks and focused on two key projects that will make my life even less stressful. I've also sold quite a bit of equity so I won't work myself to death of fear that my absence will send the stock down.

by graeme 8y ago

taurath 8y ago

Find what you dread, and what you avoid. If it’s your job change your job - if it’s your home life, change your home life.

save_ferris 8y ago

Thank you for sharing this. I've been experiencing these exact symptoms for several months now and I've struggled to understand it. I don't like talking about it at work because I don't want to be seen as damaged/ineffective, but it's really weighing on me these days.

graeme 8y ago
No problem. It can be a hard and long problem to solve, but it gets better with time and space. Everyone's experience is different, but one thing I can say is this: the size of a problem is not necessarily proportional to the effect it will have on you in this state. For instance, I had a reduced ability to multitask. Multitasking is one of those things where holding even three simple things in your head can be hard. So, don't beat yourself up if an apparently simple situation is causing you stress. What seems simple may not be, given how humans are wired. And you have a reduced capacity while burnt out. What you can do is look for things that trigger situations. Then see if you can reconfigure things so that the trigger is eliminated. It's also helpful to look for physical signs. For example, in my case, I would get a tension in my neck, when inhaling. This happened after a stressor. Paying attention to this let me identify stressors and deal with them. I also was able to work on it from the other end. Basically, my system was identifying minor threats as larger threats. So, I did something called square breathing. Basically: Stressor --> awareness --> hold breathe, count to 4 --> exhale, then inhale --> hold breathe while inhaled, count to four. Repeat if necessary. It was like a pattern interrupt. The body wanted to go "minor stressor --> red alert!!!!!!". The breathing interrupted this and demonstrated to the body "see, no threat. Cancel the alarms". After doing that for a few weeks I basically no longer have to do it, except in rare cases. Though that was some time in to the burnout, so some other stuff may have fixed itself in the meantime. YMMV, including with the specific way in which you do breathing. Another thing: sleep as if your life depends on it. Good sleep helps every other thing and especially burnout. I recognize that saying this can make the problem worse. So: if you are awake at night, and can't sleep: don't sweat it. Don't sweat the one offs. Instead, look for causes and solutions. I improved my sleep by working on light exposure. I wrote more on that here a couple of days ago: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=19507938 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=19507938 Working on the general environment helped fixed my sleep. I still have occasional off nights, but the rhythm is better. Sleep may not be your issue. The point is, to the extent you're able, get outside of a situation, analyze it, look for stressors, and consider the full rational situation. Basically your job is to teach your body to align its (presently damaged) threat response systems to the actual situation, which is presumably not an acute threat. Some or much of this may not apply to you, so take the bits that do apply. And good luck!

rawrmaan 8y ago

This is so close to my experience it’s amazing. I’ve found that disconnecting from any technology for 2 hours straight on any given day (harder than it should be) will 100% of the time make me feel much better. I think that it relates to the stress response cycle you’re talking about. If I give my body and mind time away from stressors, I can make quick progress to escaping the “constantly overwhelmed” feeling.

graeme 8y ago
I have two anecdotes on that point: 1. Last April, I took two weeks to go to Cuba and work on some non-internet connected work. Cuba has little internet, so this was easy to do. It was incredibly relaxing, and I made a fair bit of progress in reducing stress. Also generated a lot of helpful insights. Obviously, you have to go back at some point, and when I did, much of the stress returned. But the time away was helpful, and looking back at it, insights I gained during that time proved helpful over the long run. 2. Figuring out how to manage your devices. Which parts are valuable, which parts aren't, and which part need to be limited? Actually, in Cuba I had a bit of a revelation: my smartphone was an incredibly device. It took pictures, let me make voice notes, make written notes, do reminders, etc. Not connected to the internet, it was a wonderful assistant, and I was able to use it and quickly put it down. Back home, I found the things that sucked me in were: * Twitter. If I'm not careful I can end up reading too many timelines * Reddit. Certain subreddits for tech news * Hacker News. 1-2x per day is a great addition to my life. Constantly returning is not. * Newspaper site. I get great value out of a subscription to the financial times. But it also generates far more than I can or should read. So, how to deal with this? I first tried a system using the Shortcuts app on iPhone. Basically, I could only access those sites by going through a shortcut routine, and logging visits in a spreadsheet. (this was done automatically) This worked, but ultimately it proved too cumbersome and easy to circumvent, and I eventually slipped out of it. Instead, I used a tool that was in my netgear router. They have an integration with Circle by Disney, aimed at letting parents control their children's browsing. Instead, I used it to control myself. I'm actually paying monthly to use it, and paying extra for their management profile I can install on my iPhone and cellular connected iPad, so stuff gets filtered even off wifi. And....it actually works. Obviously, I can circumvent the system, but it takes more effort than any of the inbuilt blocking systems. I also removed my vpn from my iOS devices: I realized I basically never was on public wifi anymore. Removal of the VPN made it harder to circumvent the monitoring. So, now I can't go on those sites on my phone or iPad. I can go on them on my computer. But this hasn't been an issue so far: I've found I'm not likely to spend a ton of time idly browsing at a computer. I generally just use it for work now. If that ever changes, I'll change the filter settings. But, I do want some of those sites. So, I went through each category, and asked: * Do they have a podcast? * Do they have an email newsletter? What I ended up doing was for the ones with podcasts, I just use those. So, I no longer read Apple news on reddit, I just get updates from podcasts, which don't have the same effect for me. For the FT, I just signed up to a bunch of their weekly newsletters and get digests. I did the same with one person on twitter, and made a weekly email reminder to visit the twitter of one other person, who posts infrequently. I got some HN digests too. So at lunch, I have my designated time to look at distractions on a screen, and I go through the emails. This doesn't take very long at all. Basically 20 min a day covers all the reading I want to do, but I could easily spend 2 hours instead if uncontrolled. This was my major issue, yours may vary. Other than news, I also culled notifications, and handle all my email from a computer now. I find I process faster, and I don't really have anything urgent. My phone is now much closer to being a tool, and less a source of distraction. I think the daily disconnection you're doing is great. If you can get extended time away on your next vacation, and/or if you can do some analysis to figure out specifically what is causing the stress from your tech, that can help. Good luck!

tyfon 8y ago

I second the do less work in total but also do more focused work. I had to take a break for a couple months now where I worked only half days and I've also focused on 1-2 projects instead of being the "person who does everything". The company I'm working for has gone from a small start-up to a company of 150 people in a few years and while the business grew much of the organizational structure has not followed up and I ended up taking too much responsibility. I've also been "on" for the last five years without the ability to completely relax even on vacations since I was just a phone call away and there was a lot of stuff that only I could do. At one point I was ready to toss the phone in the toilet or smash it against a rock or something. Smart phones are a major source of stress. I'm back full time now and feel much better but the key is removing the stressors as you call them and focus on fewer things. I've removed a lot of my previous "only me" tasks and focused on two key projects that will make my life even less stressful. I've also sold quite a bit of equity so I won't work myself to death of fear that my absence will send the stock down.