Fair, fair. Serious talk, that sounds traumatizing. I've heard some similar stories from folks who did things for their partners, who didn't enjoy the things

Fair, fair. Serious talk, that sounds traumatizing. I've heard some similar stories from folks who did things for their partners, who didn't enjoy the things they were doing. It's weird because you feel like you're the responsible one; you're in control, holding the belt or whatever! But you're not really in control. You're the one pushing your boundaries, inexperienced and barely-willing, and probably completely unprepared. I have a lot of sympathy for you, and it's okay to be upset. If these memories are still painful, I'd heartily recommend talking to a professional. As for people in her position: go to fetlife, get in touch with your local community, and find somebody who (a) knows what they're doing and won't damage you, and (b) gives free, prior and informed consent. Don't just demand/convince your vanilla partner to try shit out -- that's neither free nor informed; and if your demands escalate in-scene, then it's not prior.